I just wanted to send a message of solidarity and hope to you as you wait for the results of your PET scan, your lung capacity test, and then your meeting on the 15th - and as you process what's happened and think about how to tell friends and children. It's tough, very tough. And I think the time you're going through now is probably the worst - it's the waiting and the uncertainty.
I was diagnosed with lung cancer (7 cm tumour in the top right lobe) in February last year. I found that it can feel as if you're on a roller-coaster as you go through PET scans, CT scans, a bronchoscopy (that was terrible, I will never accept to have another one! and the results were inconcusive anyway, so they scheduled a CT guided lung biopsy which was fine.) I was under the care of the team at Worthing hospital and they were amazing. I was referred for surgery to Guy's hospital in London, had the pre-assessment meeting in mid-April and had the surgery just over a week later. I am so so lucky that the surgery was successful, they removed the top right lobe, and all the mediastinal lobes on the same side (down the middle of your chest, next to your trachea) as a precaution and two of the nodes were found to have "micro-involvement" according to my surgeon but the cancer hadn't spread anywhere else. In June and July I had three rounds of adjuvant chemo, and then in November I was given the all-clear.
Like you I felt extremely calm. I felt I had no control over what was happening, but I could control how I behaved and reacted. I honestly thought I would only live 2-4 months so I told everyone about my diagnosis as soon as I found out, and put my affairs in order, and that somehow made me feel a lot better about everything. I also felt (and feel) guilty about smoking for most of my life, but the irony is that I had given up over four years previously! Telling my husband was very hard, and telling my children was heart-breaking, my three big sons, and one of them sobbing.... like you I felt so guilty.
I send you every good wish for the next few weeks as you go through the process of the diagnosis, the staging, your options. And I wish you much strength. You will meet some wonderful people, and I've found that no matter how bad things are, you will _always_ hear stories that are worse than yours, which can be very humbling. Please keep in touch and let us know what happens.