Hi Wendy,

my Dad had cancer, but he died of a heart attack instead. I can’t say that I understand how you feel,  no one does. But I would try to take a little comfort that it was so quick. My Dad had four bouts of cancer each involving major surgery and he believed he had a fifth one coming. He couldn’t take anymore and after a while I was able to find some comfort from the fact that he died quickly, that it wasn’t dragged out over months and years.

i know mine isn’t the post you were looking for , but I,didn’t want to leave it unanswered. I’m pretty new here but some members have been incredibly kind to me and .im trying to pass it on.

Hi Wendy 

i understand what you are going through. My mom passed 11/11/18 and we only found out she had colon cancer in September. She had an operation to remove the tumour but the horrible disease spread and my mom lost her battle. In a way I’m glad she didn’t suffer too long as she was in a lot of pain and in the end she gave up eating. It was horrible to watch but it gives me comfort knowing that she is pain free now. I just wished she was cancer and pain free but still alive lying next to me! 

How old was your mom? My mom was 58 when she passed and I am 25. 

x Marie x

Hi, thank you so much for replying to my post. I'm sorry about your poor dad and all he went through. In the early days, I did take a lot of comfort from the fact that my mum didn't have a long illness, in fact she didn't really know the horror of her diagnosis as she was too far gone when it was made. We fought for my mum to be able to come home as before she became unable to express herself, that is what she wanted, and we managed it. She was home for 4 days before she died and I was at her side the whole time. It was horrific watching her at first as they hadn't got her morphine right (and the pump driver was leaking can you believe), and she was in so much pain, it was awful. Once Hospice at Home got involved, everything was sorted andher last 2 days were peaceful.
I feel like the comfort I had from knowing it was quick and she died at home lasted for a couple of months, but now I feel so devastated and miss her and want her back. Ikeep crying but feel I have to hide it because people will think I should be over that by now. In fact I cried very little to start with, I just kind of got on with worrying about my dad being on his own.
Sorry, this is such a long reply, but I need to tell someone and can't tell my family or friends as everyone has moved on from it all now.

Hi Marie, I'm so sorry about your mum, she was so young. My mum was 82 (I am 51) so quite different really, but even when they are old, you are not ready to let them go. I have explained in my reply above what happened, and similar to you, there is comfort knowing they didn't suffer too long. My mum stopped eating for about 3 weeks before she was diagnosed, that's what made us realise she was so ill, but we thought the pain was arthritis and the rest was an infection (she had had a urine infection which she still had).

It's just so difficult isn't it? Sometimes I am fine and getting on with my day, then I find myself crying and trying to get a grip!

Wendy xx

Hi Wendy,

i still miss my Mum, she died of a very rare illness when she was 54, the same age I am now and 24 years ago. You will always miss her but it will get easier. In hard times you will want her more, but you will cope.I understand you have to hide the way you feel, I do too. I have breast cancer by the way, and I’m supposed to be the strong person i always was. I can’t be, so i go to find a place to hide when I need to cry, usually late at night when I know I will be on my own.

you can get in touch with me anytime you want, I know what it feels like when everyone feels it’s time to move on, but you have to wait till you are ready.

Hi Wendy 

There feels like there is no other pain when loosing mom, as you believe that they will live forever and they are invincible! So when they do go it is hard! 

Dont hide your emotions, if you need to cry then cry and maybe talk to someone about it especially your dad as I guess he is just as heartbroken as you are, or even a sibling I bet they are feeling the same. 

Its just me and my older brother (31) I was trying to be strong for him as I’ve never seen him cry like he did but I understood his pain, but then he was being strong for me. We spoke about it and we both cried together as we both felt just as heartbroken! 

Even to the point where we were bickering who had the last kiss to mom everyday we seen her in the chapel of rest! 

Mom didn’t have the option to go home as she hid everything from us in the hospital, when the doctors had been round we would ask what they have said & we would get, “same old, eat more otherwise no chemo” and we plodded on. She was still on fluids and feeding tube on they day she passed! We all had that small bit of hope that things would take a turn for the better. But mom knew and that must of been hard for her to keep that all to herself! In a way I wished she would of said so she could of gone home but I suppose she felt safer at the hospital..

Ive found some comfort in knowing that my mom wouldn’t want to suffer in pain (the minute she took her last breath she was still in pain) and she’s in a better place now probably gone to pester elvis Presley lol but her spirit will forever be in my heart and in my memories. A lot of people go the spiritual churches or private people and they say they found comfort from that as they knew their loved one was now okay but I suppose you kind of have to believe in things like that. 

I am always here to talk as we are going through the same thing and no one should feel alone during these times. 

Take care :)