Hi Annabelle, totally relate!. My diagnosis felt very surreal and I’ve gone through a mixture of emotions from wanting to talk about it to denial - just let’s pretend it’s not happening! 

Friends and family have been really supportive but sometimes I don’t feel like replying to all the messages. I come to the forums now and then for reassurance from others who’ve walked the same path. Then I have days where I can’t stand to go on the forums. It feels like life should be more than a diagnosis. I can’t immerse myself in it or I’ll go mad, so I need to step away, to live my life in spite of cancer not through it.

Ive found that people who haven’t gone through a cancer diagnosis find it difficult to know how to deal with it. Some avoid me; others bombard me. Tricky one.  

What I’d say is your diagnosis is very recent. Emotions will run high - I was literally running off adrenaline to start with - but this too shall pass. xx

Thank you so much for your reply, I am not one for social media and have never used a chat forum and wanted to runaway from all of this but I cant and need to face the fact that I do have breast cancer.  I know I will get through this and my breast cancer is small so things really are positive. I think at the moment it is the fear of the unknown and dealing with the diagnosis but the most difficutl part of is seeing your friends and family worried about you and the guilt it causes you to feel when you see them hurting and worrying too. I have heard of people keeping a journal and writing down how they are feeling and I think this might help me too as it will be a whole lot easier getting these emotions out and on to paper instead of dealing with people face to face at the moment. Now that I have registered with the Forum I can pop back for a chat too.

Annabelle X :)

Hi -  I can totally relate also.  Everybody's journey through this is different yet there will be people who when they hear your diagnosis, want to regale you with their experiences. I'll try not to do that now!

Really good that the prognosis is positive but it's still a huge shock to you and that probably hasn't sunk in yet.

It's perfectly understandable to feel that you are totally alone in this and not ready to handle family and friends' responses.  It's a lot to get your head round.  I had to tell my mum to stop looking at me like I'm dying.  I wasn't...and I haven't yet!  My first diagnosis was 20 years ago (excision of lump then radiotherapy) and fourteen years ago in other breast (mastectomy and chemo).  You don't always hear about the good outcomes!  Once you've got your head round things you will find the friends and family who instinctively support you in the way that you need - let them do it.  Hope this helps.  There is no right or wrong way to handle this.  You feel alone but you're not alone.  There is much love and support out there, some of it's from people you know and some of it isn't.  

Julie X

Hi Annabelle,

I am so sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis and can fully empathise with you. I felt exactly as you do to start with, but I am fortunate enough to still be here 8 years down the line, after 2 bouts of primary breast cancer.

I lost my mum to cancer 21 years ago and was absolutely terrified when I was first diagnosed. The more experience of today's cancer surgey and treatment I have had, the more in awe I am of the great strides made in this field. There really is no comparison to what my mum experienced thank goodness.

There is some good news here in your case. The fact that your lymph nodes are not involved and that you have caught the cancer at an early stage all bodes well for you. I agree that it is heartbreaking having to tell family of your diagnosis. Sadly, cancer doesn't just affect you, but also your family. You may want to be on your own to process this all just now, but you will eventually start moving forward and welcome the support you get from family and friends.

How people interact with you about this will depend on how you appear to cope. It is so much easier for all if you can try to put a positive slant on things and talk about it openly. It can also be very helpful to bring someone with you to all of your appointments. Apart from anything else, this means that someone else also knows exactly where you are in your cancer journey and they can relay all the details to your friiends and relatives. This should give you the opportunity to talk to them about everyday concerns instead of letting cancer be your only topic of conversation.

You will find that keeping a journal is helpful. It is catharctic to write and can be useful in years to come, when your care team start asking about previous treatments.

A lumpectomy, radiotherapy and medication are all doable. My first cancer diagnosis was 8 years ago. Like you I got it early and there was no lymph node involvment. I had a lumpectomy and this was followed by Tamoxifen for 1 year. I then had a second bout the following year. Fortunately this was still a primary and I had a double mastectomy followed by Letrozole for 6 years. I stopped taking Letrozole in July 2017 and am keeping relatively well. Don't worry about the mood swings and the crying. These are perfectly normal reactions. Crying is good for you, as it is a good release valve. The mood swings will gradually lessen.

Please let us know when you get a date for your lumpectomy and I sincerely hope that all goes well for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Annabelle,

I got my diagnosis on 22nd August, so I'm about 1 month ahead of you. I found these forums a tremendous help in those early days when I was all up and down.  I know exactly what you mean about feeling unable to tell those around you. I couldn't talk to people until I had come to terms with it myself so I kept it from everyone, from my family, friends, work colleagues. I was in this state for about 2 weeks.

I was told exactly what you have been told - lumpectomy probably followed by radiotherapy and then tamoxifen. Caught in early stages, scan didn't show signs in lymph nodes. I had surgery on 14th September - lumpectomy and removal of 3 sentinel lymph nodes (the first ones) to check for spread. Tomorrow I am meeting with the consultant to get the histology results and plan the next step. After the op, consultant was pretty confident that the three sentinel nodes he removed were clear, but only the analysis will confirm this. If clear, then 3 weeks radiography.

I kept a journal - a dark blog actually that is shared with nobody. That is really helpful. There was a point, in fact, it was on 3rd September, when I was out of this dark place. On 3rd September I had met with my consultant and gone through what would happen. I felt really confident in this consultant and somehow that helped. I also had phone numbers of various breast care nurses who I could call if I had any worries and things just seemed under control. The next day, on 4th September I felt able to tell my work and everybody else progressively. I felt in control, and I think this was what helped.

The operation on 14th Sept was not too bad. The day after the surgery I was dressed and out walking - I probably walked about 2 miles! Maybe that was the anasthetic. I've felt fine ever since, but tire more easily and I've ooked 3 weeks off work to be sure to be fully recovered before I go back.

Don't push yourself to share until you feel ready. You are the one who is important here. For me, reading books helped. A colleague recommended a newly released book The Complete Guide to Breast Cancer: How to Feel Empowered and Take Control by two authors: Professor Trisha Greenhalgh, an academic GP, and Dr Liz O’Riordan, a Consultant Breast Cancer Surgeon, who both experienced breast cancer first-hand in 2015 . I read this book in a few days - it covers everything I had experienced and seems to have lots of medically sound as well as practical advice. It was published on 20th September - the day you were diagnosed!

As I told people, I found many many women said "Oh yes, I had breast cancer 5, 10, 15, 25 years ago and have had lumpectomy/mastectomy etc and have been fine ever since" Women I'd known for years and never realised they had had breast cancer. 

It is an awful lonely place when you find out you are that 1 woman in 8 who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. As you feel able to share, you find that there are many other women who have experienced the same thing and who are still around and it becomes far less lonely.

Good luck. I feel for you.

G xx

Hi Gadgetgal,

It's great to hear that you are coping so much better.

I hope that all goes well when you see your see your surgeon tomorrow and hope that the histology results are good. You are quite right, it makes all the difference in the world to have complete confidence in your consultant.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Annabelle - I had my diagnosis on Tuesday and I feel exactly like you - they must be talking about someone else I keep thinking!- I'm having an op next week to see if it's gone to lymph nodes- hopefully not. I'm in that dream too - it's so wierd but I haven't cried at all yet! watch out when I do!! I know what you mean about wanting to be on your own too- it's difficult to explain but I'm sure there are lots of us like that so you shouldn't ever worry about it.  It is good to talk on here and share experiences - I hope things go well for you - take care x

Hi Gadgetgal

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.  I tried to get the book you mentioned, both doctors were on SKY News the other night talking about it, but Waterstones didnt have it in stock, so my next stop is Amazon. I know I have only just met you via the Forum but I wish you all the best for tomorrow and will be thinking of you.

Annabelle X

Hi Julie

Thanks for your reply. Yes I am a bit the same at the moment with my mum who keeps looking at my boobs rather than at my face.  I just want to say I am still here mum forget the boobs! My sister just keeps coming out with daft things and my poor husband is on the recieving end of all of this. Your journey has been tough and I am really grateful that you have shared it with me. I have never used social media but I am so glad I registered on here.  Thanks for your support Julie.

Annabelle X

Thanks Annabelle,

When I saw your post, I felt I had to reply as I so understood what you were saying. You will get through this. Understanding helps. I hope you can get hold of a copy of the book.

Today's news wasn't exactly what I hoped. One of the lymph nodes out of three came up as positive for cancer. My consultant discussed this with me at length. He is not in favour of removing all lymph nodes as he doesn't believe the evidence supports that and I agree with him. Apparently there is a test called an Oncotype DX in which they send a sample to a US lab where they analyse the genetic makeup of the actual cancer, looking at 21 genes specifically to assess, I guess, how aggressive it is. The results will tell them whether my cancer is the type that will benefit from chemotherapy (which is 10% of cancers apparently) or if it is one of the 70% that can be treated successfully with just radiotherapy to the lymph node area. He is writing a letter to the oncologist in his MDT (multi-disciplinary team) who will take things from there. I should meet with him in about a week and then there will be anothe two weeks before we get the results back from the analysis. More uncertainty, but I'm getting used to it. Cancer is a sneaky little b*gg*r.

It is all pretty scary, but like a roller coaster - you have no choice but to just hang on until you reach the end and cope with whatever ups and downs you get. I've decided that if I have to have chemotherapy, I'm going to get a purple wig!