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My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

18 Aug 2019 14:29

Hello all,

3 years my mum was diagnosed with anal cancer. As of saturday she told us her prognosis was terminal. Right not I'm not dealing very well with it and I have been the strong one so far. I feel like I'm putting a brave face on for my family and falling apart when I get home with my partner.

Just to add to it my partners mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 years ago, so we both just get upset if we try to talk about anything.

My partner is insisting I go to the docs and find somebody to speak too because he knows my mental health is suffering. But I really dont think the doctors will be able to help, they dont have a great reputation around us for mental health. 

Can anyone suggest any groups they've used to cope, as when mum goes I really am losing my best friend. I'd like to be prepared, as much as I can be, I'm in the north lincs area if anybody can advise. 

My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

19 Aug 2019 19:39 in response to Lammie

Hello sweetie - it's terribly sad for you to be struggling like this & I do think you should perhaps go & see your GP - never mind what local gossip says it is at least worth a try. Also just try googling cancer support groups north Lincs. something will likely show up for you.

Do you have a friend you can confide in & share your fears & worries or another family member? We all need someone to talk to in these kinds of situations. If you don't do keep posting here to get things off your chest. Sometimes it takes a little while for people to reply but they will.

If things get really bad don't be afraid to ring the Samaritans - they are absolutely brilliant & will listen to anything & everything you need to get off your chest. They won't ask you anything personal or to give them any information whatsoever. Really sweetie they are great.

Hope this helps a little bit at least. Try to take care of yourself. xx

My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

22 Aug 2019 12:07 in response to purrfect

Hello purrfect,

 

I went to our local mental helth talking shop and was told if i wasn't in crisis id have to wait until the 18th of Seotember to even be spoken to over the phone. I called my GP they arranged a call back and have been told ts grief and shock and i should recover. Nothing has been said about referrals so i'm back to square one.

Were very close as a family and my friends are amazing, but i speak so much i feel like i need to talk to somebody not related to me who i don't know.

I'm not at the crisis stage i just need a little support and somebody to talk to, and it seems like my GP just isn't insterested until i get to crisis point.

Ill have a look at cancer support groups, thank you.

Best wishes,

Lammie

My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

22 Aug 2019 17:00 in response to Lammie

Hi there - sorry you're struggling to get some support locally but yes, do look at cancer support groups. If you want to private message me I'd be happy to chat to you if/when you'd like to. An outsider who isn't emotionally involved can sometimes help a bit & I'm old enough to be your grandma so have a good bit of life experience!

Keep plodding sweetie as you are doing & keep in touch if you'd like to. x

My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

8 Sep 2019 00:47 in response to Lammie

Macmillan are amazing, Lammie. My Mum died just under 3 weeks ago and they have been a shoulder to cry on but so helpful at the same time x

My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

13 Sep 2019 21:49 in response to Lammie

Hello all,

 

Mum has gone rapidly down hill, me and my partner got engaged and we were told that mum wouldn't be there unless we planned it in under 2 months. It's supposed to be such a happy time but I'm watching mum slowly waste and my heart just hurts. 

We go away on holiday on sunday and I've been told to go, but I'm frightened that she wont be here on my return. That I told her I loved her for the last time. 

I'm terrified of losing my mum, shes my best pal. But I know her time is coming and theres nothing I can do.

I dont think I'll ever be prepared for letting her go, but shes in so much pain. 

Think I just needed to offload, and i hope i dont sound selfish. And I'm sorry for rambling.

X

My mum is dying and I'm a little lost.

14 Sep 2019 08:20 in response to Lammie

Hello sweetie - you don't sound at all selfish - just human. I'm glad for you that you've become engaged & I imagine your mum is too. She'll know your future is settled. Try to at least relax on your holiday & know you have done your best for your lovely mum.

All the best to you. xx