I found this forum around 3 years ago, the time in which I first found out my mother had cancer. Since then it's been a three year battle for her not only physically but mentally.
When I first found out, I thought it was the end. I thought she was going to die, but I just didn't know when. Time seemed to stretch on and on, and while things were far from right in that 3 year duration, the prospect of her dying to me became more and more of an impossibility.
This year in around July she was admitted into hospital for a massive 12 hour long operation. She subsequently spent 2 months in hospital. She could not walk anymore, was far from well, but she was cancer free. At least thats what I thought.
My mum decided to come home and she spent 2 weeks with my family before she spent an entire night vomiting and my dad rushed her back to hospital early in the morning.
She was back in hospital but it was just something minor that they would fix, I thought. Something to do with her bowel, maybe an infection. Fixable. My mum ended up missing my school Formal and Valedictory - my celebrations for completing my final year of schooling. She wasn't well enough. But that didn't matter, I thought. It was okay, because she would get better. And we had so much ahead of us to look forward to anyway. I knew the recovery would be a long process, but in time she would heal, I thought.
Yesterday, I got back from a trip down to the beach with my friends to finish celebrating school. My dad had driven down to pick myself and my friend up. After dropping my friend off at her place, my dad told me things were not good with mum. The cancer is back. The prognosis is weeks. This was never supposed to happen. She was meant to get better. I thought they'd removed the cancer. I was naive and the world is cruel.
She is in palliative care right now. A place where they care for people who are dying. The ward is filled with old people. How can my mother be dying? She is only 48. I am 18.
My brother,16, is in Germany on an exchange and he doesn't even know yet. He gets back in 6 days and when he is back we wont even have much longer with her.
My dad doesn't deserve this. Nor does my brother nor myself. And especially my mum. No one deserves cancer in their lives. Reading through other posts on the forum makes my heart break.
And I don't know what I am going to do. I have three months ahead of me now before I start Uni. Three months I was supposed to spend with my friends, with my family, with my mum. SHe won't even be there on my first day of Uni. She will never see my brother play his violin in the school ensemble ever again. She wont be there telling me things that I would roll my eyes at. She won't be there telling me to cover myself with sunscreen. She wont be there to cook dinners for us anymore. She will never drive her car again. She wont be there for my wedding. She will never meet her grandchildren. She won't be there at all. My dad will be all alone. We will all be incomplete.
And how is it that life elsewhere seems to just go on?