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my mum has weeks

25 Nov 2017 13:22

I found this forum around 3 years ago, the time in which I first found out my mother had cancer. Since then it's been a three year battle for her not only physically but mentally.

When I first found out, I thought it was the end. I thought she was going to die, but I just didn't know when. Time seemed to stretch on and on, and while things were far from right in that 3 year duration, the prospect of her dying to me became more and more of an impossibility. 

This year in around July she was admitted into hospital for a massive 12 hour long operation. She subsequently spent 2 months in hospital. She could not walk anymore, was far from well, but she was cancer free. At least thats what I thought.

My mum decided to come home and she spent 2 weeks with my family before she spent an entire night vomiting and my dad rushed her back to hospital early in the morning.

She was back in hospital but it was just something minor that they would fix, I thought. Something to do with her bowel, maybe an infection. Fixable. My mum ended up missing my school Formal and Valedictory - my celebrations for completing my final year of schooling. She wasn't well enough. But that didn't matter, I thought. It was okay, because she would get better. And we had so much ahead of us to look forward to anyway. I knew the recovery would be a long process, but in time she would heal, I thought.

Yesterday, I got back from a trip down to the beach with my friends to finish celebrating school. My dad had driven down to pick myself and my friend up. After dropping my friend off at her place, my dad told me things were not good with mum. The cancer is back. The prognosis is weeks. This was never supposed to happen. She was meant to get better. I thought they'd removed the cancer. I was naive and the world is cruel.

She is in palliative care right now. A place where they care for people who are dying. The ward is filled with old people. How can my mother be dying? She is only 48. I am 18.

My brother,16, is in Germany on an exchange and he doesn't even know yet. He gets back in 6 days and when he is back we wont even have much longer with her. 

My dad doesn't deserve this. Nor does my brother nor myself. And especially my mum. No one deserves cancer in their lives. Reading through other posts on the forum makes my heart break. 

And I don't know what I am going to do. I have three months ahead of me now before I start Uni. Three months I was supposed to spend with my friends, with my family, with my mum. SHe won't even be there on my first day of Uni. She will never see my brother play his violin in the school ensemble ever again. She wont be there telling me things that I would roll my eyes at. She won't be there telling me to cover myself with sunscreen. She wont be there to cook dinners for us anymore. She will never drive her car again. She wont be there for my wedding. She will never meet her grandchildren. She won't be there at all. My dad will be all alone. We will all be incomplete. 

And how is it that life elsewhere seems to just go on?

 

 

Re: my mum has weeks

25 Nov 2017 17:16 in response to jess44637

Oh jess, just want to send you a great big hug ... if only we had a magic wand ... I know you are holding her hand and being there, will mean so much ... make the most of every day you have ... say what's in your heart ...and know its o. K to feel like you do ... it's part of loving someone so very much ... and yes life and cancer can be so cruel,  it has no compassion... hold on tight to your dad, and bro , you will need each other ... 

I've always felt my mum looking over us, I can't see or hear her, but I'm sure she looks over me and my sons ... and I look up of a night and chat to her about how we are doing ... 

I bet your mum is so very proud of you ... you sound so wise for your young years ... sending you loving, caring thoughts hunny .... chrisie ❤ xx 

Re: my mum has weeks

26 Nov 2017 03:19 in response to jess44637
Hi Jess, Your situation is scarily similar to mine; I lost my mum last year when I was 18 (she passed last year in December) and she was only 47. I know exactly what you're going through. It's the most difficult thing I've ever faced and I still have problems processing my grief even now. Please do not hesitate to message me if you need someone to shout at or rant to because it's likely that in nearly the last year I'll have thought the same thoughts, felt the same feelings and gone through the same emotions as you will. It might help. Hol xx

Re: my mum has weeks

27 Nov 2017 09:17 in response to jess44637

Dear Jess

How dam cruel is that; your mum is so young bless her. Id feel so angry at the world.

And youre right, the world as you know it will never be the same. Im flying back to UK from Australia next week to see my dad who has also been given a short time to live; Ive been walking round in a fog since I heard the news. Someones advise to me? make good memories, say the things you may not have said before. I guarentee your mum will be worrying about leaving you all and that will be weighing heavily on her Im sure.

Cancer sucks!!! But just to let you know, Im sending you your brother and your dad virtual hugs from Australia xxxxxxxx

Re: my mum has weeks

27 Nov 2017 12:10 in response to Chriss

Thank you Chrisie

Re: my mum has weeks

27 Nov 2017 12:12 in response to HolN97

It changes your whole world doesn't it? I'm so sorry this has to happen to any of us.. I will definitely reach out to you

Re: my mum has weeks

27 Nov 2017 12:15 in response to k1ngston

All of this stuff makes you wonder what the point of us all being here really is when some people have to end up suffering so much, it's just unfair. Sending virtual hugs right back to you from Australia too, I actually live here - just somehow came across this UK forum.

Re: my mum has weeks

28 Nov 2017 20:20 in response to jess44637

Hi my heart goes out to you Iam in a similar place although Iam a lot older my mum also had ovarian cancer 3 years ago was diagnosed again 7 weeks ago she has had 1 session of chemo and refuses to have any more so mum is now Home with us but for how long who knows it’s such a terrible time and my feels go out to you and your family x

Re: my mum has weeks

30 Nov 2017 00:12 in response to jess44637
Hi Jess, so sorry to hear about your Mum. I too am in the exact same position at the moment, Mum was fine, we just started immunotherapy treatment and then bam, she was in hospital, nearly two weeks later we were told that she only had weeks to live, no more treatment just palliative care from now on. It is awful and I totally get what you mean about what’s the point in us being here when we have to endure all this suffering Sad it’s so hard thinking about all the things our mums will miss, I am 22 and recently found out I’m pregnant, Mum has been given a few weeks and it breaks me to know she won’t meet my baby Sad but the only thing that gives me peace is that I really believe we are all put on this earth to fulfill a purpose and learn some lessons ... and one we have done those things, it’s time to leave. It’s hard, but I find calm in the thought that my mum has completed her life journey and now she will go somewhere much better, somewhere where there is no pain or suffering and she will be with the other loved ones we have lost. It’s just hard for us as we are the ones left behind! I hope you find the strength to handle this awful time and I just wish you peace and calmness during this really hard time. Try and think of the wonderful years you have been able to share with your mum and know she will always be with you, if not in person, in spirit ❤️❤️ Take care sweet xx