Together we will beat cancer


My mum died and I feel numb

13 Oct 2021 00:58


I lost my mum 2 months ago to cancer. 
she was first diagnosed in 2019 before Christmas it was a difficult time and I we went through her journey together I attended all of her appointments, chemo, radiotherapy and any doctor appointments. Me and here were very close in September 2020 she got the all clear things were going great until 2 months later she started getting very sick, her back was extremely sore we kept going to the doctors every week trying to figure out what's wrong until we went private and they told us to get an MRI scan and we did, later on we found out my mum had stage 4 cancer it has spread to 7 different parts of her body. It was so difficult but because I was so close to her I tired to avoid showing to much emotions I never really cried much infront of her because I didn't want her to feel more upset than she was. Eventually my mum got really sick one day and I told her we need to go hospital and we did , little did I know this was the last week I've ever had with her, she got so bad she couldn't talk or communicate much it was so so hard to see her this way and eventually she passed she was only 42 and I'm only 20and I sit and wonder how is this life so cruel . I barely cry I feel so numb, it's like my mind won't let me process it I want to grief and I just can't I feel fine and majority of the time when I think about anyrhing sad I shut it off , how can I let this sink in ? I want to feel emotions and I can't 

My mum died and I feel numb

13 Oct 2021 16:46 in response to Kinwia13


Hi Kinwia,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and, I offer my sincere condolences. I too lost my dear mum to cancer and know just what a difficult journey it is.

Death in someone so young is always a shock and, because you were so brave in front of your mum, it sounds as if you may still be trying to deny to yourself that this has happened. Do you have any family or friends who you can talk to openly about how you actually feel? If not, you might find it helpful to talk to a bereavement counsellor. They can help you to open up and accept what has happened, instead of being stuck in denial.

There is no one like your mum and the loss is profound. I found that placing a picture of mum in a prominent place, where I could still talk to her, was quite a comfort to me. I still feel that she is looking down on us all and, I try to instil in my family a lot of the attributes that she instilled in me and my four brothers. It has been 24 years ago since we lost her, but she is still in our thoughts and in our hearts and, I think that she would be happy with how we have all coped in the interim.

You are right,  in that you will begin to accept what has happened if you can cry and release some of those pent up feelings that you have. It is so hard to get the memory of those last days out of your mind and to dwell on happier times, but I do so hope that you can. 

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx