Hi there and welcome ...

What a sad situation you find your self in .. I can only tell you what I'd do, and my feelings ...

In one way I'm a very caring person , who I hope has empathy for nearly all situations ... but one thing that makes me upset is when a parent gets something like cancer, and yet take it out on the ones they should be greatfull to for wanting to be there for them ... 

I was really lucky to have had an amazing mum and dad who never complained and appreciated everything that was done for them ... I cannot imagine having a parent be so crule to say those things to you ... cancer is the reason people can get angry but in my eyes it's not an excuse...

I'm on my cancer journey, and if I'd treated my family like your being treated, I'd hope they'd turn their back on me ... coz no one should have to take that ... you sound really caring and I'd be proud to have a daughter like you ... I love my son's unconditionally ... there's nothing they could say or do, that would make me turn my back on them ... 

So whatever you decide, don't look back, if you go, you know how she'll be ... if you stay away you'll have to come to terms with that too ... no easy choice ... but i know what id do ... sending you a big hug ... i can see your heart ... Chrissie

Hey Chriss, 

Sorry for the late reply!
Thank you for your reply, it brings me peace to know I am not some monster for doing something for muself!

No, your deff no monster, just someone who's heart hurts ... I hope your o.k now ... our children are a gift .. and should be loved unconditionally... so you hold your head up, what ever you decided ... and know you have to care for you now ...

Chrissie 

Sometimes in life you have to put yourself first and this is one of them.  I didn't have a good relationship with my Dad who also died of cancer but I made my peace with him whilst he was dying and felt stronger for it.  I thought I'm the strong one here, not him and when he's gone I will have nothing to feel guilty about.   Do what is best for you, if you can't face her then don't.   Why not write a letter just saying you're sorry about her situation, you agree that you shouldn't be there and just send your love, be the bigger person , you will feel so much better for being the peace maker.  I have never regretted the way I dealt with my Father's death.  Sending you my best wishes for whatever you decide, remember it's your choice.   Carol 

I live in the UK and my mother has advance and cancer and is abroad I cannot visit her and this causes me lot of anxiety and conflicting feelings. I d like to know more about your situation. If I were you and would be able to visit her I would go. You would feel better.

Hi there ..

Just wanted to say, this thread was nearly a year ago .. so the lady that started it may not be on here any more ..  but I read your thread ..and my take on it , is listen to your heart ..

If she's been angry or curt to you over the years, you owe her nothing .. us mum's should love unconditionally... we gave birth .. it's a mum's job to love her babies no matter what ... 

But what you do now, do for you .. think if she died and you didn't go... how would you feel .. if you go and she's still being horrible to you, could you take that .. you said you were going to do the arrangements after .. so if it were me, I'd go .. see her ... if she's still curt and rude , go stay away from her .. but at least then you will have tried and can hold your head up high .. 

Remember do it for you ... and whatever path you take , don't look back with regret .. let us know how you go ..  Will be thinking of you .. and be proud of yourself for caring enough to chat on here .. it's such a shame she doesn't realise how amazing you are .. I'd have loved to have had a daughter like you ..

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx