Together we will beat cancer


Re: my husband has terminal cancer

3 Dec 2017 00:51 in response to fifi86

Hi Fiona 

I can relate to what you are going through. I feel exactly the same as you l sneak of to cry as well and have to be strong for my partner and child as to not upset them.  Some days it is a real struggle to keep going and watch your partner feel sick and ill.l do have family tasking  how he is but feel they do not truly understand .You are doing a amazing job and it has helped me to know there is someone feeling the way l do 


Re: my husband has terminal cancer

12 Dec 2017 16:00 in response to Kitty68

Hi Fiona. I also have my husband with terminal cancer. Hate watching him change and when he has emotional outbursts are the worse. I smile all the time it hides my torment. How are you doing. Sending good wishes to you and your husband xx

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

12 Dec 2017 16:11 in response to SueC

Hello darling. I'm right by your side on this my husband has terminal prostrate cancer. He is now on palliative care his choice with pain meds. Its very hard to get your head around. I find myself watching his every move. I'm at the stage of not wanting to do anything my mind is a mass of fog. I smile on the outside but I'm a bit of a mess inside. Its very hard to watch my best friend struggle every day . I hope chatting on here and asking questions helps you. I'm new on here xxx

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

17 Dec 2017 11:42 in response to Havocdog

Thanks hon 

Just like you l am new on hear as well .  Just hearing what you say l can totally relate to it as everything you say is my feelings as well it is so hard watching your best friend suffer. It is another day and hopefully can make it through the day to give them strength. 

God bless you 



Re: my husband has terminal cancer

17 Dec 2017 19:44 in response to fifi86

I will pray for u and ur hubbie 

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

22 Dec 2017 22:52 in response to Bighips

Thank you 

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

18 Jan 2018 12:24 in response to Kitty68
Oh My! And there I was thinking I was on my own..... I too am walking in the shoes of all you brave ladies who have posted before me. My Husband had a tumour removed from his optic nerve in 1997, and then again in 2014, but following this operation there were no check ups at all to monitor progress. They could have detected it earlier and it could have been removed. We found out before Christmas that its back but this time it has caused catastrophic damage, eating away bone structure and pushing on vast areas of the brain. It is in his other eye which means he will lose his sight. The tumour will not respond to Chemo and we only get one chance at radio therapy. Surgery is incredibly risking bordering on impossible and the recovery from surgery will be three months in hospital. Either way this time it is incurable. My husband and kids are my world: they are sixteen and fourteen. The worst news is that we cannot fly as the change in pressure will kill him so our bucket list holidays have had to be scrapped. The cost of cruising is prohibitive for four of us, so it looks like travel is out. He is really struggling and this week has almost given up hope. Hospital appts are getting longer and longer between and it just seems like no one recognises that if time is limited we are wasting it waiting on apt after apt and hearing nothing about how long we have. This week he is very, very depressed and some days doesn't get out of bed. I run my own business and work 11 hour days currently which means I cannot be there to make him get up. I feel so very selfish, worrying about our future without him, as he is the love of my life, but right now I just want to shake him, tell him to "get a grip", move over in that well of self pity and make room for me. I then hate myself for even thinking that way. I always hoped that when we reached this stage we would be busy making memories but instead I am having to stand back and watch him surrender way too early. I cry in the small hours of the morning, when I am driving my car, when I am sat on the loo, but never in front of my husband. Stay strong ladies: our role is to be the glue that holds it all together, even if, inside, we too feel like curling up and giving in.

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

18 Jan 2018 15:34 in response to Sandy007

Hi sandy007

Welcome to the forum though always sad to read such posts. I only reply in that I recognise those feelings of frustration followed by guilt and selfishness.  Though my situation was a few years back and somewhat different as my hubby was always a terminal patient from diagnosis, I do fully relate to your remarks and this forum did hold me together through the 'thick and thin' of his three year journey (and beyond).  I used to be exasperated that I was 'blocked out' when my hubby refused to enjoy the quality of life whilst he had some time left and he virtually became a recluse in the final year only really venturing out to visit family or attend his 3 monthly check ups(to monitor his pain).  Any worries I had were talked through on the forum and this gave me an inner strength which still leaves me surprised today when I recall how I got through.

  My hubby was prescribed low dosage anti-depressents and offered counselling to help him get his head around things but it just was not his way of dealing with it and I learned (the hard way) to accept this.It was never easy because he just did not want to communicate about it and living normally was not really an option.  Yes I cried (privately and on the shoulder of a very close friend  plus often when I typed about my feelings!!) and I know he did too but again not in front of family. My children were adults and not at home but it was so hard for them too.  In his final year (though we did not have a time line) I cut my work hours as I could not cope.  It must be very difficult for you having your own business to run plus children and husband to support and feel free to come and chat on the forum if it helps.

Should you wish to talk to others dealing with a similar cancer to your husband then starting your own thread with that cancer in the title may bring you extra support/replies.

Wishing you all the very best and know, like all the others here we just keep on doing the best we can in our support roles and try and find a little 'me time' (can imagine you laughing as this possibility) to help you through.  Regards Jules54 

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

27 Jan 2018 20:37 in response to Sandy007

Stay strong God bless you not a easy road for you try to take time for you xx

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

27 Jan 2018 20:39 in response to jules54

Thanks for your support  l can so relate to what you are saying 

Take care x



Re: my husband has terminal cancer

11 Oct 2018 16:47 in response to dee200022

hi there,i can relate entirely to what you are writing.4 weeks ago i lost my husband of 23 years to oesophageal cancer stage 4. my feelings and emotions from day 1 were exactly how you have described. They were not completely honest with us and the first oncologist kept us in the dark,did not perform a scan when she should of after his last lot of chemo.he had a lump growing out of the side of his back 4 months after his operation.when we kept on for a scan she casualy informed us the chemo had not worked.he now had secondary cancer which came back as a chest wall mass. 3 months from that my darling wonderful husband passed away. i will never forgive that oncologist as long as i live. i keep telling myself he would want me to carry on but it does not help i cry every day. i keep expecting him to walk through the door. i wish i could tell you  somthing to help you but i cant.i am so sorry for what you are going through,and please try to understand you are not alone.take each day as it comes. and if theres anything you would like to ask me i will try to answer as honestly as i can.  thinking of you

Re: my husband has terminal cancer

11 Oct 2018 18:47 in response to caz1960

caz -- 4 weeks!  I'm now approaching 5 years, and I can tell you that it does get gradually, gradually, gradually better.  But 4 weeks -- well, 4 months, I was still in an altered mental state.  Yes, of course feeling like he's going to walk in any moment.  There are some good books I read.  Joan Diderot did one.  Plus I joined a group with hospice that just discussed grief.  Don't know if it helped but it probably did.

Grief never goes away.  I guess like losing your leg or your eyesight, you are jolted and life will never be the same but you become more and more accustommed and start to make do.  Grief will always be part of you as your husband will.  But the panic, the horror, all those most intense horrible feelings do gradually soften (although they can pop up, especially the first year or so, when you least expect and you think you've moved on), but you do really get used to your new life as a widow.   I have by now. I will say we were lucky to have had a wonderful oncologist, tho a bad experience at the end for a clinical trial (when all else failed). By the way, and I'm not religious, but he has communicated with me a couple times -- not in the first 4 wks but later..  You may get that.  Show him how resilient you are if you can.  Thank you for your offer of help.  I bet there are a lot of people you can help -- but maybe I'd wait a bit first.  You are on rocky ground right now.