Oh My! And there I was thinking I was on my own.....
I too am walking in the shoes of all you brave ladies who have posted before me. My Husband had a tumour removed from his optic nerve in 1997, and then again in 2014, but following this operation there were no check ups at all to monitor progress. They could have detected it earlier and it could have been removed. We found out before Christmas that its back but this time it has caused catastrophic damage, eating away bone structure and pushing on vast areas of the brain. It is in his other eye which means he will lose his sight. The tumour will not respond to Chemo and we only get one chance at radio therapy. Surgery is incredibly risking bordering on impossible and the recovery from surgery will be three months in hospital. Either way this time it is incurable.
My husband and kids are my world: they are sixteen and fourteen. The worst news is that we cannot fly as the change in pressure will kill him so our bucket list holidays have had to be scrapped. The cost of cruising is prohibitive for four of us, so it looks like travel is out.
He is really struggling and this week has almost given up hope. Hospital appts are getting longer and longer between and it just seems like no one recognises that if time is limited we are wasting it waiting on apt after apt and hearing nothing about how long we have.
This week he is very, very depressed and some days doesn't get out of bed. I run my own business and work 11 hour days currently which means I cannot be there to make him get up.
I feel so very selfish, worrying about our future without him, as he is the love of my life, but right now I just want to shake him, tell him to "get a grip", move over in that well of self pity and make room for me. I then hate myself for even thinking that way.
I always hoped that when we reached this stage we would be busy making memories but instead I am having to stand back and watch him surrender way too early.
I cry in the small hours of the morning, when I am driving my car, when I am sat on the loo, but never in front of my husband.
Stay strong ladies: our role is to be the glue that holds it all together, even if, inside, we too feel like curling up and giving in.