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My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

18 Aug 2019 16:44

Hi everyone, 

 

as ive already posted on here, my father sadly passed away and his funeral is on Wednesday. The last couple of days I have felt emtionless and have hardly cried ( I don’t know why ) 

however, countless of people have said how I need to prepare myself for the funeral and that it’s all going to hit me from that day and onwards. I can slowly feel myself Losing it. 

My dad is always on my mind and always has been, even before my world Was turned upside down.

 

can anyone share their stories/ experiences with me? This would be really appreciated. 

 

This feeling will never ever go away. 

 

Bec x

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

18 Aug 2019 20:53 in response to Rebecca94

Hi Rebecca, I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my daddy in March this year. There is no right or wrong time to cry or not to cry. Everyone is different so don't worry.  

Nothing can prepare you for when grief is going to fully hit. Your father will help you when he can and will give you strength to get through the funeral.

Nearly 5 months since my daddy passed and i feel everyday getting harder i miss him so much.

Thinking of you Natalie xx

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

18 Aug 2019 21:08 in response to Natchick17

Hi Natalie, 

 

Thankyou soo much for getting back to me so soon. I am so sorry for the loss of your daddy. My daddy was young like yours, he was 56. He put up such a strong battle- having battled cancer for the last 5 years - finding out it was terminal last May! The pain and suffering my daddy went through is something I could ever endure. Like your dad, he was my knight in shining armour and my hero. I couldn’t wish for a better father. I am so proud of what my father achieved throughout his life and soo many people look up to him As the prefect role model. I just have no words - I never thought that this day would actually come. I am the eldest of three children, me being 25. I never planned my future without daddy by my side. I love him so so much, and it hurts to know that he’s somewhere where I’m not. It’s so nice to know that I can talk to someone who’s going through the exact same thing as me . Yes I have friends and my siblings but it’s not something I want to constantly talk about with them. All I want is for my daddy to be okay, and happy and content. 

 

Sending hugs,

becca xx

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

18 Aug 2019 22:18 in response to Rebecca94

Hi becca

I so understand exactly how you are feeling.  I was just saying today I always thought I would be taking my daddy to hospital appts when he was in his 80s the way he had done with my grandfather.  You are very young to lose your dad. I am 35 and my brother is 30. 

You have watched your dad unwell for a long time I'm sure it was heartbreaking. My dad was diagnosed in feb 2018 and he had a 15hr op in the april and then 2 months of radiotherapy during the summer. We thought he was doing well and then in feb he started taking bleeds from his shoulder.  It turned out my dad's cancer was back and we were told there was nothing they could do. We got ten days after that. It was shocking because it was very quick. No period of time would ever half been long enough. A few days before he passed away I sat beside him holding his hand, stroking his head singing a song he had sang to me while I was little. It was heartbreaking. 

I was told that my dad is now is a place where there is no more pain or suffering and everything is happy and safe and if I could go there for a few seconds i would not wish him back to this world.  Try and hold on to that he is free from pain looking down on his wonderful lovely daughter.

Sending you a big hug xxx

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

19 Aug 2019 02:59 in response to Rebecca94

Hello Bec, 

I lost my Daddy June 30th 2019 - he was Diagnosed on November 2nd 2018 and was only given six months. 

 The time leading up to my dad passing away  I thought that when the day came I would absolutely lose it, but I didn’t.  I hardly cry, I didn’t lose it and just like you felt emotionless.  I couldn’t understand why I  hardly cried and thought again that once his funeral came that would be when it would all hit me - but it’s didnt, again I hardly cried. I can’t really say why because I don’t know.

Grief is strong, hits people in different ways and people deal with it in different ways. There is no right way and there is no wrong way. I’m only 20 years of age and my Daddy was only 53 but no matter what age you are loss of a parent will change you forever. You might not see the change - might be something as just the way you look at life now cause that is it for me. My whole look on life has changed and I know that my Daddy will always be with me and as will yours be with you. Everything you are doing he will be right by your side cheering you on!

Nobody can tell you how to feel - nobody can tell you how to grieve! Your doing it your way and that’s the only way!

 

sending you my love - hope your father has a beautiful send off ♥️ Xxx

 

Victoria x

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

19 Aug 2019 14:45 in response to victorial65X

Hi Victoria, 

 

thankyou so much for messaging! I am so so sorry for your loss. Just like you I thought that I’d have a mental breakdown and fall to pieces, but I just haven’t. I know the last year I’ve cried soo much. I rmeneeve there being one week where I cried all day ever day for the entire week. On two occasions we were told to say our goodbyes - one being in January of this year and the other being a couple of weeks back- but just before this happened we were told my father was stable so I wasn’t expecting this in the slightest .

you’re young - only being 20 years of age, and your dad only being 53. What you said- no matter what age you are it changes your life forever and it most definitely has. All I wanted was my father to be here, living a healthy life. Being able to spend time with his grandchildren- his nieces and nephews. My future children. Seeing me get married- which. Never will now , if I was to it will be last minute grabbing 2 people off the street as witnesses. Why should family members see me get married when my father can’t? 

Thankyou soo much for your kind words, it means everything <3

If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where I am!

 

sendig my hugs, 

 

Becca xx 

 

Sendling 

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

19 Aug 2019 16:59 in response to Rebecca94

Hello Becca,

I was only called once to say goodbye to my dad but before he passed away only 2 weeks before he was in a hospice in Cardiff and came home because he was doing so well and then 2 weeks later he isn’t here no more!‍♀️ Even though my Dad was given 6 months I never felt like my Daddy was dying until the last week when he didn’t even know who Anyone was and ended up in a sleep coma. I know it’s so so hard!!

you know I thought the same thing - getting married and having my daddy walk me down the aisle meant so much for me as I’m sure it did for you and before he passed away I always said if my Dad can’t be there then it isn’t happening cause that was his role but now - when the time is right I will get married and I’ll walk down the aisle visually alone because my Daddy will still be walking me down the aisle! He’ll still be there - your Dad will always be with you in everything you do and in some things you will feel his presence more than ever! For your children knowing you dad - your Dad will live through you and I’m sure they will love him just like you do!

 

your not alone girly and your Dad is so proud of you! 

 

Hope this helps you 

Victoria ♥️♥️ Xxxx

Edited on Mon, 19/08/2019 - 20:05 by Moderator Jenn, edited to remove name of hospice

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

19 Aug 2019 19:42 in response to victorial65X

Hi Victoria,

Awh that’s absolutely terrible! It’s such a horrible thing to see our loved one go through such a cruel process. I mean vets wouldn’t let an animal suffer so why are humans ‍♀️. I watched my father suffer for months and months on end, but I didn’t realise how unwell he was until looking through photos and sat down to process things. I mean- I spent a lot of time with daddy so I didn’t see what others that didn’t see him as often saw. My dad had sepsis on 4 different occasions and they were all on the High end of the spectrum. January - we said our goodbyes- my daddy hugged us and told us how much he loved us all . A couple of days went by and to everyone’s surprise my fathers obs magically came back to normal which happened on every single occasion. It was genuinely a miracle- well for us anyway. 

My daddy was then taken to a care home where he had 24 hour care if needed and etc. Last time he was in hospital which was 4 weeks ago, he was really poorly with the sepsis having come back but yet again he made a recovery and was stable. Me and my family weren’t 100% happy with the fact that they were sending back to the care home as we believed that he wasn’t 100% himself or well for that matter. Anyhow, the doctors said that a part from the cancer - my daddy was stable. The ambulance picked my father up and took him back to the care home on the Wednesday 7th August and Early hours Thursday the 8th I had a phone call of my mother saying that he had gone. 

I didn’t even see my dad on the Wednesday as after being told he was table I went back to seeing him every other day ( I live near Cardiff as for my family are living in Swansea) . I do nothing but regret this, even though I had no idea what was about to happen within those hours. All I think about is what happened and question everything that I’ve been told what was my dad thinking. Was he worried? Was he scared? And these are questions I’ll never have answers for and this torments me . I can’t see a future without my father in it, as everything I had planned was around him. How am I going to have children knowing that my partners parents will be able to spend time with them, and see them grow up. Selfish I know, but I can’t help but think like this. I envy the people that can see their daddy, and spend time with them and even to just sit there next to them and be within their company or to hear them breathe/ sleep. I will say, I have worried for the past five years.. constantly about my father. I hate the fact that it does feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. But now, I have a different kind of worry for my daddy and it is such a hard thing to describe. 

 

I better stop it at that otherwise you’ll be bored out of your Brain and you’re going through enough yourself let alone hearing me blab on .

Your words have really helped me.. even though I have a great boyfriend, family and friends. It’s nice to be able to speak to someone who’s been/ going through it themselves. I don’t like to keep on at my siblings as they have their own lives and grieving themselves so Thankyou <3

 

becca xxx

 

My dads funeral is on Wednesday...

20 Aug 2019 14:26 in response to Rebecca94

Hi hope your ok you may find your dads funeral will not be as bad as you think and people are numbe for a while and cant take it all in so dont worry about crying its all part of grief you will be ok whatever you feel in the coming months will be just the you will deal with loss ive lost mum dad my partner all my relatives so i i kn how it works all you can do is deal with it one day at a time and one day it changes to better memories for everyone no mater what they say we dont stay this way it gets eisier you just have to carry on till it does .sorry about your loss and hope tommorow goes ok for you and all your family if you do feel like crying dont hold it back its the best thing for getting rid of pain .paul