Together we will beat cancer


My dad is dying

29 Dec 2017 20:57

My dad is dying and I dont know how to cope, he has lung cancer which spread to his brain (it was removed in his brain but may have come back) and his health has completely deteriorated in the last 48 hours because he will no longer eat or drink anythjng. He is going into a hospice tomorrow and may never come out. Im only 15 and have 3 younger sisters who Im worried about but I dont even know what yo do myself. I try to talk to my mum but I dont want to upset her. Please help me as these may be his final days but I dont know what to do.

Re: My dad is dying

29 Dec 2017 21:46 in response to AlexandriaE

Welcome to the forum Alexandria although I'm really sorry to read about your dad and the situation you both find yourself in.

I know you don't want to upset your mum or think you will upset her by talking about how you're feeling but do try to open up to her again as I'm sure she will want to know and do all she can to support you and your sisters.

Many of our members, young and old, have been where you are now and I have no doubt some of them will reply soon to offer their support and advice as well as share their experiences with you. I've included a link to a website called riprap which is specifically for teenagers who have a parent diagnosed with cancer. It has a lot of useful information as well as a forum just like this one so do check it out when you get a moment as I think being able to talk to others of a similar age who know what you're going through will be of great comfort and support to you at the time. 

I hope this helps Alexandria and remember that we are always here when you need us.

Best wishes to you and your family, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Re: My dad is dying

30 Dec 2017 01:02 in response to AlexandriaE
Hi Alexandria I don't have much advice for you I just want to tell you there's no right or wrong way to deal with this & it's very normal to think we're not doing it right. I lost my mum to stomach cancer at 25 years old & now my dad has extensive lung cancer (I'm now 32) all I can say is tell your dad you love him & you're thankful for him X Try & talk to your mum, her heart will be breaking for all of you as well as herself. Support each other as much as you can. I'm sorry your family is going through this at such a young age Sending love x

Re: My dad is dying

30 Dec 2017 18:21 in response to AlexandriaE


As someone considerably older than you with a father who is in a similar situation, all I can say is do talk.  Talk with your mother and your siblings. Talking is good and you will all find strength from each other,  Hospices provide amazing care and support and your father will not suffer.  Try to remember all the magical times you have had together.  I am sure that your father has appreciated all your love and support.  My best wishes and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Sarah x

Re: My dad is dying

30 Dec 2017 20:40 in response to AlexandriaE

Hi Alexandria.

Im so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My dad is also terminally ill, not quite at the stage youre dad is, but I feel like I understand on some level what you are going through. 

Im 22 and the younger sibling but I am the one who has taken on the role as career and comforter, for my dad and both my mum and sister. I imagine you being the elsest sibling, you may have found yourself in a similar position. All i can say is dont put to much pressure on yourself. Dont feel like you have to keep it together all the time for the sake of your younger sisters. Its okay to cry and complain and consistantly think about how unfair life is. Its completely normal to find yourself just ****** off at the world. 

This is probably the hardest thing you will have to go through in life, so confide in your mum. Even if you just give her a hug and cry together. You guys are all in this together.

If at any time you feel like you need to speak to someone even to just let a bit of emotion out, dont hesitate in messaging me. It can be helpful just knowing theres someone out there willing to listen. 

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. Xx