My dad was 82 and found out he had cancer if the larynx at the end of September, he died on 3 December- I cannot understand how a strong man could be beaten so quickly? He survived an abdominal aneurysm 2 years ago and got back to being himself but this terrible thing has taken him in 2 months. He was told that surgery or radiotherapy weren’t likely to help and would be very harsh and may leave him unable to speak eat or drink.
So he reluctantly agreed to have a tracheotomy tube fitted to help him breathe hoping it would give him more time. However the result was that he was unable to eat or drink,being fed via a tube into his stomach, and could only manage a few words using a special cap for the tracheotomy tube but even that exhausted him as he could not breathe and talk at the same time. He was virtually deaf so he was now totally isolated from the world and unable to enjoy even simple pleasures. I feel that the last weeks of his life were torture for him.
I managed to get him home for his last 2 weeks and I looked after him, I tried to keep positive and right to the day before he started ‘actively dying’ he was saying we would go places when he felt better. Then he just seemed to vanish before my eyes - he wasn’t him anymore and he was scared for the first time, overnight he became a shadow- I don’t know how else to describe him. The palliative care nurse gave him sedation and from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon he was never conscious again. His breathing pattern changed over and over and it was horrific to sit by him for hour after hour and watch as he became less and less like a knew him. I feel terrible saying this but it was actually a relief when he took his last breathe and I watched the pulse in his neck slow and stop.
I know I was very lucky to have kept my dad till the age of 82 but it still doesn’t feel fair and I am SO angry with life.
I don’t really know why I am writing this here but somehow I need to let someone in the world know that he was a wonderful man and he deserved better.
