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My best friend and soulmate

13 Feb 2021 10:34

I lost my husband Dave 2nd February 2021, after 14 months of battling stage 4 bowel cancer! Initial we were told it was curable, and then in July we were told treatments were not working and we had 2-3 years! 7 months later he's gone! He fought such a hard battle and I am so proud of him for that, and even though we knew what would happen, I just thought I had more time with him. I am struggling to get out of bed most days. I do get dressed and go out when I have to, but if I have nowhere to go I stay in bed, I know he wouldn't want me to do that but I can't help him I want the world to stop! We have grown up children and a 1 year old grandson, but I can't bring myself round for them. Dave and I had an amazing marriage we were so close, we did argue but never anything major, and he was my go to for advise and to tell me if I was wrong about something. I just want to be with him but I know the kids need me! I just can't see how I am going to be able to carry on like normal without him. I need him so much. The funeral is the end of feb so it has been 3 weeks wait so I go to see him at the funeral parlour as I can't bear the thought of him being on his own there. I trimmed his beard for him as he was proud of it and the fact that he did t lose it made him so happy. How can I go on without him?

My best friend and soulmate

14 Feb 2021 02:12 in response to Filwain100

I'm not sure if this helps I lost my mum to this latest wave having caught it in hospital 

I have been torn with mixed emotions of anger and grief 

I did counciling my comfort didn't come from that but I actually was drawn to seeing a medium which is bizzar as it's just not in my beliefs even if it's fake he was good and I left feeling she's still here and I've gone from being a wreck to being happy I feel she's here 

but he did tell me things no one else knew I'm from a very strong science background and I can't work it out and had you told me I'd get comfort from this I'd have said no way but it's honestly made me feel better 

My best friend and soulmate

22 Feb 2021 21:31 in response to Filwain100

Hello,

I lost my wife Ann in June 2019 through pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed as stage 4 in October 2018. We were hopeful that after the removal of a small tumour along with Chemotherapy treatment that we would have a few more years together and similar to your circumstances it didn’t go well and Ann had just 8 months.

It’s very early days for you after loosing Dave and the struggle to motivate yourself from day to day and feeling that you can’t be around your children and grandson is a very normal reaction after your loss and you will have many, many emotions to deal with in the forthcoming months.

Dave would have been so proud of you for looking after him at the funeral parlour.

Nothing will be normal or the same anymore but time will ease the pain and in due course try to keep remembering all the good times you shared together.

Best Wishes!.

 

My best friend and soulmate

22 Feb 2021 21:59 in response to colinib

Thank you for your response, hope you don't mind me asking how old was Ann, Dave was 55, since I last wrote, I am getting out of bed and starting to take more interest in the household chores, but I just feel so sad and miss him so much! 

My best friend and soulmate

22 Feb 2021 22:22 in response to Filwain100

Hello  I'm Sorry for your loss lost my wife to breast cancer she was 39 she left me up a two-year-old and a nine-year-old to look after I promise to look after the boys and I guess that's what keeps me going but it's the little things that hurt me not cuddling anyone in bed not talking to my loved one! Life is not the same I'm existing not living ! I'm here if you want to chat 

My best friend and soulmate

23 Feb 2021 08:07 in response to Chris2020

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss and your poor little ones, I find it hard turning over in bed and seeing the empty space. I miss not having that go to person when you have decisions to make, we always talked about things and worked things out together. Seeing our kids sadness in their face. I am dreading Friday because I don't want to say goodbye! I am just existing everyday just getting through!

My best friend and soulmate

23 Feb 2021 10:00 in response to Filwain100

Hello  I feel your pain  I know exactly what you're going through  This is going to sound strange but the funeral was actually quite a nice day for us it was like everybody felt the same I love my life so much! So my advice would be take your time and try to enjoy it the best you can! For me as the days after the funeral it's a lot harderPeople always say after the funeral things start to get better  that's not True in my opinion 

My best friend and soulmate

23 Feb 2021 20:14 in response to Filwain100

Hi Love,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you know that what you and your husband had was a profound love that transcends what you know as life. He is always with you, around you with your kids. See the beauty in small things around you, the birds singing, your kids holding your hand, their smile...Because Dave still lives in those acts. 

 

Anything I can help you with pop me a message.

 

Meg

My best friend and soulmate

23 Feb 2021 21:10 in response to goodvibes95

How can you feel that positive, we did have a profound love and were a team and now here I am after 14 month journey of Doctors and treatment, and looking after him or fighting his corner, the last 3 weeks I looked after him at home I did not leave his side I didn't want to. And now " I'm like now what ? " I miss him so much.  I have my own hair and beauty salon and can't see how I can walk back in and start work like normal? I need help and guidance somehow 

My best friend and soulmate

23 Feb 2021 21:41 in response to Filwain100

Do you love your beauty salon? then DO IT, fulfill your time with things you love. But also, don't forget that it is also okay not to be okay, don't feel that you have to act like you have it all together, it is okay to be sad, to be depressed, to feel like you cannot go on, it's okay to feel like that.