Together we will beat cancer


Mum's getting her diagnosis, I'm lost, don't know what to do

5 Feb 2023 22:54

Mum is in the middle of getting her diagnosis. It's taking ages. I know the answer and I know that there is very little to offer her but yet we wait. We wait for the hospital to send the paperwork that confirms what I already know but too scared to tell mum. I wait for her to be ready for the answer and I wait for her to be ready for me to explain what they just said to her. 
I wait.

I know because it's my job. I do this every day.

it's harder today as it's my mum. 
they look at me like I have the answer. Like I know what to say. How to make it better. 
I just wait.

no one sees me.

no one can help me 

I just do for everyone else 

snd I wait. 
I'm waiting for the day she goes and I hope that they see me then. I'm here. I'm hurting. Just like your hurting. 
my mum is dying. 
but I wait 

im so sad I don't know what to do 

im just waiting 

Mum's getting her diagnosis, I'm lost, don't know what to do

7 Feb 2023 20:35 in response to SB23

Hello SB23

I'm so sorry to hear that your Mum is going through the process of receiving a cancer diagnosis at the moment. It's understandably a difficult time for you both. 

I think from your post that your job means that you're often in the role of being the one who gives this kind of news and supports those people hearing their own cancer diagnosis. If I'm correct in reading that then I can imagine that it's particularly hard for you at the moment to be offering support to others when you're also going through your own journey with your Mum. 

I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel seen in all of this, that you're hurting and you feel that there's no one there to help. We see you SB23. And there are many people here in the Cancer Chat community who understand the pain that comes from supporting a loved one through this process. 

I don't know if it's something that you've thought about - or would feel comfortable doing - but there are organisations that can offer you support. Here at CRUK, we have a team of nurses that you can call to talk with and I know they would be happy to listen and offer any advice and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 800 4040. 

Alternatively, you may want to get in touch with your local Maggie's. They're able to offer a range of support to anyone impacted by a cancer diagnosis. 

I hope that your Mum has more details soon about her diagnosis and the next steps in her care. Most people find that once you have that information that things become a little easier and I hope that that is the case for you both. 

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. 

Best wishes, 
Cancer Chat moderator