Hi rach. .

Welcome to the little chat room ... I'm so sorry your in this heartbraking situation ...

All I can tell you is what helped me ... I withdrew for couple of days ... got every emotion out ... holding nothing in... but feeling lots better after ... if it were me, the thing I would've wanted is a call or text saying something like ... I just want you both to know, wer here for you ... whenever you need a shoulder to lean on, or someone to just listen... call me ... I'm really lost on how to help you best, or what we can do right now ... to be there for you ... so whenever your ready, wer right here waiting ... 

That's what would help me in those first days ... but everyone is different and you know them far better then I can ... I can only guess from your thread ... I know when my family got more in control of emotions it made me stronger, and able to go on this journey of ours , with them holding my hand ...

I have learned over this year that holding all emotions in is as bad as letting it all out all the time .. it's a matter of balance ... you know sharing a few tears together and everyone admitting they are scared but are gonna walk whatever path you find yourselfs on ... you can still make lovely memories, and they will stay in your heart forever ...  big hug Chrissie

Hi Rachel.  We received the same news last April but it's Dad in this instance.   Both daughter's were heart broken and both live hours away with small children to care for.  We personally went through most of the chemo and radiotherapy on our own as it was easier than worrying about family worrying about us!   Your Mum will have dedicated nurses assigned to her so Dad can ask for help if he needs it.  Our children came when they could but in between we told them what was happening so they knew the score.   If Dad struggles with the chemo for Mum, as quite often the patient doesn't want to eat that is probably when you will come I'm handy.   Mum should get an allowance for eating better and coping with family coming home, the nurses will sort this out.  This means you can buy tasty food that is all ready coked so Dad can tempt her with food.  For example M & S do some lovely meals that can be kept in the freezer.  You could help by stocking things like this in the freezer when you visit.  Also parents don't want to upset the lives of their children  we're the adults and feel we should be strong.  Take things a day at a time, don't look ahead and don't Google,  this forum has all the answers and it will be the truth.  Just to cheer you up my hubby is 72 years old and after all the treatments has been given a 60%  success rate, even though it's incurable.   If you want to see how it goes I blog every day and my previous post from last June onwards will give you an insight of living with lung cancer.   Take care of yourself and your parents will be happy with that knowing they need not worry about you too!  Sending hugs your way.  X 

hi chrissie

thank you so much for your lovely reply.

thank you for the great advice, we are all a little lost right now, am sure you know how that feels & i no in time we will deal with it the best we know how but to hear from someone who has been there, is so helpfull.

i hope whatever your situation is at the mo you are doing ok

sending lots of love

rach xx

hi caz

reading your reply from a parent point of view is great, we dont see ourselfs as kids (both in our 40s) but of course to them thats exactly what we are, i will have to keep that in mind through all this. 

you made me laugh about not googling too, your so right!

& it did cheer me up to read how your husband is getting on, thank you for putting that in there.

i will defo be reading your previous posts & i like i said in my post i am hoping to get my mum on here, i have had 2 lovely replies to my 1st post & it has made me feel a little better, so i hope in time she will come on & it will help.

sending lots of love to your family

rach xx

Happy to help Rach.   Knowledge is a big help.  Our daughter's are in their forties, so there you go, still our babies!  Don't push Mum to join this site, she has a lot to think about so this may be a step too far at the moment.  Maybe Dad could have a little look, that might help them both.  Take care.xx

Hi there andanytime you just want to get something off your chest , you'll find someone here to listen ... we can't take it away ... but I know l was helped through my early days by someone on here ... so you take care ...  and I'm sure my amazing mum has been watching me and by my side on my cancer journey ... I'd never be so strong without feeling her close .... so you take care ... Chrissie  x