Hi Emily - I just wanted to say I am so so very sorry for the loss of your mum. I’m new to this chat but your words struck a cord with me as they are very similar to what Iv also been through.
In late August my mother in law was going through tests for kidney stones. However, unexpectedly this turned into her being diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of kidney cancer. She was told that it was incurable and that palliative care was her only option.
In what feels like an absolute whirl wind, she sadly passed away in early October. It was so unexpected and happened so drastically fast that it’s been so difficult to come to terms with. I feel cheated as she’s didn’t have a Chance to fight it. The way you speak of the last moments it’s something I’m also really struggling to get out of my head. She was, until recently, a strong and healthy women and to watch someone deteriorate in front of you like that is heartbreaking. My partner is just 26 and is really struggling with the loss of his mum, and so is my father in law. I’m so devastated.
I know there isn’t much I can say to take the pain away and everything seems horrifically unfair. I just wanted to share my similar experience in the hope that it might be some sort of comfort. I sometimes think it’s difficult for my friends/family to truly understand how I’m feeling, unless they have been through it themselves.
Im learning to take each day just one day at a time. Please remember and take care of yourself - and also allow yourself to grieve. I hope friends/family/loved ones also give you the strength to get through this.
Sending you heartfelt condolences.