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Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

28 Dec 2017 23:49 in response to emilyf97

Hi Emily - I just wanted to say I am so so very sorry for the loss of your mum. I’m new to this chat but your words struck a cord with me as they are very similar to what Iv also been through. 

In late August my mother in law was going through tests for kidney stones. However, unexpectedly this turned into her being diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of kidney cancer. She was told that it was incurable and that palliative care was her only option. 

In what feels like an absolute whirl wind, she sadly passed away in early October. It was so unexpected and happened so drastically fast that it’s been so difficult to come to terms with. I feel cheated as she’s didn’t have a Chance to fight it. The way you speak of the last moments it’s something I’m also really struggling to get out of my head. She was, until recently, a strong and healthy women and to watch someone deteriorate in front of you like that is heartbreaking. My partner is just 26 and is really struggling with the loss of his mum, and so is my father in law. I’m so devastated.

I know there isn’t much I can say to take the pain away and everything seems horrifically unfair. I just wanted to share my similar experience in the hope that it might be some sort of comfort. I sometimes think it’s difficult for my friends/family to truly understand how I’m feeling, unless they have been through it themselves. 

Im learning to take each day just one day at a time. Please remember and take care of yourself - and also allow yourself to grieve. I hope friends/family/loved ones also give you the strength to get through this. 

Sending you heartfelt condolences. 

xxxx

Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

29 Dec 2017 00:00 in response to emilyf97

Hello Emily, 

I am so so sorry to be reading this. It is utterly devastating to lose not only a parent but on christmas day and at such a young age too. It is beyond unfair! I can sympathise with how you feel so if you ever do need to rant or talk you're always welcome to send me a message. The same applies to anyone else too! I lost my Dad in august (4 months ago) and I'm 28...older than you but still very young to lose a parent. Grief is very complicated, hard to even describe until you experience it. It comes in waves and I have found myself going through every emotion. The main one being numbness. So if you do experience this it is completely normal. I think a lot of it is shock, my body and mind won't accept my Dad has gone. Although I can't offer much advice, I do understand. I was also there when my dad died. It felt so surreal like a dream. It still does. X 

Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

29 Dec 2017 12:24 in response to Annieliz

As I've said probably far too often, life is unfair, and I am just sorry that cancer, and any kind of suffering for that matter, exsits at all. 

I've been thinking along those lines too, like why do some people end up drawing the short straw? And then when they do, why make them suffer SO much? Can't one obstacle be enough? I have so many questions... You can do all things right in your life it seems, but sometimes it all just comes down to random bad luck - this world really doesn't make sense. 

 

 

Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

4 Feb 2018 02:19 in response to emilyf97
Bless your heart darling. I feel for you. I was 52when my beautiful mum died Christmas night /Boxing Day morning. She had lung cancer . She was having radiotherapy the week that she died . She had copd and infection after infection . But the hospital always sorted it with a drip. ,not this time . Withdrew her medication and we all watched a very lengthy procedure of her passing . I really sympathise with you. I have children but it’s hell without my mum . It’s so painful isn’t it..?#

Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

4 Feb 2018 03:13 in response to emilyf97

Oh sweetheart I am so sad to read your post you are so young to lose your mum. I just lost my Dad and I have regrets that I should have talked more to him and told him how much I loved him. I think that this kind of guilt is normal. None of us accept losing loved ones we would do anything just to be able to hug them or kiss them one more time. You need your Dad more than ever now so little by little try to let him in. It wont happen overnight but if he has made an effort its worth a go. Mind yourself and be gentle with yourself.  I hope you will consider going for some grief counselling.

Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

20 Feb 2018 16:35 in response to emilyf97

Hi Emily, 

I was very moved and sad by this little story of your poor Mothers passing. I myself can actually relate almost identically to your story except for my poor Mum passed away from Pancreatic Cancer on the 22nd December the night before my birthday. Only 2 odd months have nearly passed and the first month was horrible as expected. I am not going to harp on and waste your time reading all you have read already. Only one thing I will say is that I know the feeling of holding Mums hand and she not able to squeeze back, going delerious and in and out of consciousness from a disease that took a young beautiful energetic woman and destroyed her dignity her life and the life of her family. All I can say is that although I cannot tell you how much you miss your loved one or bull***t you into saying God has her now and they take the best. I would advise doing what I do. Accept how truly awful it is and soul destroying, absorb and live life the way they would want. That combined with outbursts of grieving and crying in front of those you love and trust is my way of coping. Also maybe take some solace in knowing that there are so many of us out there affected by this and we pay a blind eye to it until it knocks on our doorstep. Then we realise truly how awful it is for all the poor people out there that have been victims of this disease. I was angry with life, healthcare system (I could talk for hours about how long everything took(prognosis diagnosis, probably a total of 2 months spend f****ng around) , random shouting and yelling with anger and bitterness. All of this anger is there and doesn't just go away because we say so, It is ok to be angry as we are normal human beings. Anger and Sadness need to some out in us as it helps vent and relieve frustration. Just there are times and paces I suppose. Anyway I will not harp on any further. I am here for a chat if you ever need to talk to someone in an almost identical grieving situation than yourself. Take Care.

Re: Mum passed away Christmas morning

26 Feb 2018 04:44 in response to emilyf97

Hi Emily. I’m so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you and your Mum had a very special bond. I’m sure she knew it and how much you loved her. My Dad died on Christmas Day too. I also have regrets about things unsaid and that there wasn’t enough time but maybe it would feel this way whenever it happened. I hope now that it’s the 2 month mark that you can remember things about your Mum other than the end of her life. I find it so painful to think about the last week of my Dads life and his death (I was also with him) and I usually try to block it out and avoid thinking about it. I’m not sure if that’s the right thing in terms of grieving but it feels easier. I don’t have much advice except when I get the pain / grief in my chest and my throat I try to breathe into it rather than fight it if that makes sense. Somehow it helps. I’ve also gotten a referral to psychologist but I haven’t called them yet. Maybe that would help you too? Best wishes.