My mum passed away on Christmas Eve from lung cancer. We didn't know how bad the cancer had developed until it was too late! I haven't been able to process any of this! I'm a student nurse so I understand a lot which I think makes it harder! But I feel like I'm failing at present I just want to curl up and cry but I think im 32 and I'm crying over not being able to ring my mum!
Your message resonated with me as I lost my Mum in November after a 12 month battle with Vulvar cancer. I think you have to try and make sure you speak to loved ones about it, anything to make it feel real as sometimes the old addage of life just carries on happens and what happened just doesnt sink in. I work in the healthcare industry too so again I understand where you are coming from being 32 as well my mum was only 56. SOmetimes its hard not to go down a negative route of thoughts and say she's been robbed of 25+ years but you cant think that way you have to think of all the years you still had with each other and the experiancs you shared. I hope this helps!
Thanks for your reply,
today has just been a bad day for me I don't know how to express it sometimes! I passed an exam yesterday which is when I would ring my mum and she would say well done. I rang my dad who is a lot older than my mum at 83 he is still going strong! And he said how proud he was and how proud mum would've of been of me. I feel like im a child again! Lol
Hey do not worry its absolutely fine, that's where I struggle most when I want to tell my Mum about news in my life. Its so difficult espeically when you see others able to do it around you sometimes. Oh wow I see well good to hear your Dad is still doing well! ah thats nice at least he said it! its weird isnt it you feel like you do want that sort of attention though!
I completely understand how you are feeling and I am so sorry you are going through this. Me and you are practically the same age but that number doesn't matter, we'll always be our Mums babies. I know you mentioned you are a nurse, so probably understood more than you wanted to about the diagnosis and timings. However, there is just nothing that can prepare you for the loss. I tried my hardest to prepare for my Mums death but I found the death feels like it isn't the hardest bit, it's living without them that is the worst. I'm 7 months in and what I will say is it does get a little bit easier. It's very up and down, and can come in waves when you least expect it. This is completely normal but the days do get a tiny bit brighter as time goes on. Then sometimes suddenly you feel back to square one. Take every day slowly and at your own pace and surround yourself with loving people. None of this is fair (I get so jealous when I see people with their Mums) but here we are. One thing I know is our Mums sacrified so much for us and would want us to lead the best life we can. I know it doesnt make it any easier though.
Here if you need to vent or need advice! Just drop me a message.
I completely agree, there is so much I would love to tell my Mum about my life and things that have happened since she died. I talk to her in my head occasionally as I normally would and find that brings me some comfort. I do try and rationalise things like you do, I am grateful I had as much time with her as I did. Forever wouldn't have been enough though, she was my best friend but that's just the way it is.
Thank you for your kind message! day by day is the best way to go! apprecaite the support as well and have to ensure any negativity is removed as she wouldnt want jealous or negative thoughts to dwell xx