Hi Tyhur98,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I just wanted to send a reply to pass on my condolences for your loss. I can only imagine how tough this must feel.

Talking helps, so I'm glad you've found the forum and I hope it can be of some help to you, even if it's just a case of writing things down. I know there will be others here who have been through or are going through something similar, so hopefully you'll receive further replies soon. You can always browse or search (using the button in the blue bar above) the forum for other discussions if it helps.

Do speak to your doctor if you feel you're struggling. At the very least they can point you towards some helpful resources.

The organisation Cruse offers support for those who have lost a loved one - they have various resources as well as a helpline.

Keep speaking to others where you can, and as I say we're always here for support if you need it.

Take care and look after yourself,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello, my mum died last April from a different type of sarcoma. It recurred in her bowl after 12 years of it first appearing in the uterus muscle. She had been completely healthy since her first surgery in 2008 and this was a massive shock for us. We naively thought she would survive another 12 years (she was 71) but it came back after a few months and she passed away 5 months later. I felt the same way as you - such trauma of seeing her in her final 6 days at home. She could barely even move she was so weak. Each day she detoriorated further and it was so difficult to see. I was almost relived when she passed and coping well for a couple of weeks but that's when the grief and PTSD began. I would wake up each night picturing her like you do. It was like a punch in the gut. I did some bereavement couselling which helped and now, I still miss her every minute of each day but I dont feel as much of the trauma of seeing her so ill. I think I have accepted that her soul was leaving her body gradually before she passed so she wasn't suffering too much. I feel for you so much - your mum was even younger than mine. Sarcomas are evil - so aggressive - and there really seems to be no cure. They are so rare too that I get how unlucky you must feel. You just def see a doctor if you like yours and see if they can send you to a grief counsellor. It certaintly helped me a bit. But the pain and loss is still there, can't say it gets that much better if you are close to your parent. It has been 15 months now and was her birthday this last Sunday.

I find this forum helpful - I would come here everyday and hear other people's stories of grief. I don't know why or how but it helps me to know my family weren't the only ones. 

Love R xx

ps - my mum didnt smoke or drink either. She was mostly vegetarian and ate lots of organic food. Life is so cruel xx

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I lost my Mum 4 months ago to pancreatic cancer. I was really close to her. As I lived an 8 h drive away, I quit everything and moved back home.

My Mum died at home, as she wanted to, but during her last day I wasn't even aware that she was dying. I thought she was just sleepy from her new meds. I eventually called the nurses and they got there about  1 h before she passed. I will never forget when the nurse told me that there isn't much time left, maybe a day. I still feel so guilty for letting her sleep off the meds and just checking on her once every hour. I worry that I left her all scared on her own. She was fine 2 days before she passed.

I ended up having an absolute meltdown beginning of July, so I figured it might be time to see a GP, as I also was only sleeping no more than 5 h a night. I am not medical professional, but from what you have written I really advise you go and see them. I have been able to get to bed during normal hours. I am on antidepressants, which make me sleep a little longer sometimes, but at least I don't look like a zombie anymore. If ypur GP wants to put you on antidepressants ask them what's available. I have never taken any before so am on a mild dosage with a kind that is not highly addictive. 

I am also looking into online therapy atm.

Take care xx