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Missing mum so much

20 Apr 2017 10:05

Hi. Mum passed away 2nd April. Her funeral was Tuesday. I think this is the worst I've felt. I keep thinking of her being ill. The pain and the sickness. And how I couldn't help her. How I wanted it over for her but now it is I want her back. I hate how everything is different now. I'm a grown woman with teenagers but still feel so lost. Mum wasn't ill for long and for the last couple of weeks (when we found out there was no hope) she couldn't really communicate. I wish I'd got to talk to her properly. She was my mum and my best friend. I don't have a sister and I'm not close to my brothers.. I'm finding it very difficult. Xxx

Re: Missing mum so much

20 Apr 2017 13:05 in response to Ti

Hello Ti,

On behalf of everyone at Cancer Chat, I'd like to pass on our sincere condolences to you at this very difficult time.

Best wishes,

Renata
Cancer Chat moderator

Re: Missing mum so much

21 Apr 2017 01:04 in response to Ti
My mam passed on 16th of february after being diagnosed with terminal cancer on the 10th of february and only finding out she had cancer the 16th of January. We thought she would of been treated for the cancer and return home. I visited every day at the hospital that last week...she couldn't breath well....doctors were in and out and I felt I never spent any quality time to say goodbye. If I had known it were her final moments I would have told her how much I loved her....I felt so guilty when she passed for things I could of said and things I never got to say. It's the hardest thing ever not being able to turn back time and in hindsight do things differently. I really understand your pain and loss....thinking of you x x

Re: Missing mum so much

23 Apr 2017 01:08 in response to Ti

My mum passed away in October just 9ndays after giving birth to my 3rd son. She had a drinking problem and our relationship was stained at times. I was brave when she died but it's hitting me like a wave of stone. I feel guilty for not making our relationship better and I don't know where to go. I'm sorry your in pain but it will get better. You are dealing with things straight away and you have no need to feel guilty x

 

Re: Missing mum so much

24 Apr 2017 09:54 in response to Emma17
Thanks for replying. It's reasuring to talk to someone in the same situation. It's overwhelming! I feel very low most of the time and then it hits like a wave and comes up from my chest and then out as tears. I'm trying to be brave for dad but that is so difficult. When I'm with him I try to be happy (ish) but that makes me feel worse when I get home. (He's 90 so doesn't need to see my distress) I hope our mums know how we felt about them. I'm sure they did. Mum had an operation to remove a tumour and came home. After about 3 weeks she started to get pain again. She was in and out of hospital because they couldn't see anything wrong (ct scan) apparently secondary cancer can grow flat and not like a tumour. It makes sense now that the pain killers that worked one day needed to be upped the next day and the next and so on. So many drugs that she couldn't talk. I think it was all traumatic. Especially for me and dad who were there every day. You must have been the same. I feel guilty for everything, I wanted to save her, I felt useless, I feel I let her die because it was the only way out of the pain, I feel I should have done something different and that it was my fault, I feel bad for not talking to her, when she got distressed they gave her more drugs and she slept, I wish I'd stopped that and talked and cried with her. She wanted to come home but I couldn't have managed the pain. Thanks for letting me have a moan, rant and a cry. Probably makes you upset and I don't mean to do that. Sorry xxx

Re: Missing mum so much

24 Apr 2017 10:00 in response to Emglitzbomb1

Hi, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I was trying to be strong but now the enormity is hitting me. The massive change in life and how things will never be the same. Are you coping ok with a baby? I'm useless with my kids at the moment. One is doing GCSEs and another alevels. They are being left to it and I don't feel I can support them very well. I lost my only female friend too when I lost mum (I have friends but not close ones) that's hard too. I have 2 girls but they are far too young for me to turn to. I'm useless and crying a lot at the moment. I'm sure our mums knew how we felt about them. Thanks for replying xxxxx