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Miss my dad

5 Dec 2017 19:33

Hi, my name is karen im 49 yrs old and I lost my dad on 18th if this month to cancer of the oesophagus, with secondaries in his lungs.... feel so sad and lost.. so worried about my mum... 

Re: Miss my dad

6 Dec 2017 22:53 in response to Karensusan1409
Hi Karen, I'm so sorry for what's happening to you and your mum. It's so hard. We've just started our journey with our dad's new diagnosis. I lost somebody a few years ago and couldn't cope or let it go. The things that helped me were very very small like a hot liquid (coffee or hot chocolate) sliding down my throat and slightly taking the constant lump in my throat with it. I would have a hot drink with my mum or dad and we would just sit there sipping, occasionally talking about something. After a while it became our little thing that we still do today. The person I lost is still gone but a new little tradition came out of it which we still carry on today. Take your mum out for tea or coffee around little coffee shops just to get out of the house if you can. It gets easier. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you can help your mum out of the despair with little things to look forward to. Mari

Re: Miss my dad

7 Dec 2017 01:41 in response to Karensusan1409

Hi there Karen... so so sorry about the loss of your lovely dad ... it's one of the hardest times of the year, I lost my mum a few weeks before Christmas a long time ago, but I remember how hard it was seeing everyone Xmas shopping, when all I wanted was mum back ... I'm sure your mum finds comfort having you close ... and one thing I found was talking about her ... if you and mum lean on each other and find a way of you both saying what's in your heart, then you will walk this path together ... the pain does get easier but you never stop missing them .... and all those feelings your having is normal ... it's part of loosing someone very special..... 

So sending you a big virtual hug ...chrisie ❤ xx 

Re: Miss my dad

7 Dec 2017 08:29 in response to mari.zal

Thankyou Mari so much for your kind words..i will try to take your advice. I hope your dad gets treatment quickly and that your are all supported as well as we were through it. Sending you love and hugs.

Karen xx

Re: Miss my dad

7 Dec 2017 08:35 in response to Chriss

Hi Chrisie

Thankyou for caring and taking time to reply. I know things will get easier and were lucky we have such a close loving family... mum will be supported through this awful time and forever after. The grief I feel is a consequence of been a daddies girl all of my life but for that I am truly grateful... sending you love.

Karen Xxx

Re: Miss my dad

7 Dec 2017 08:53 in response to Karensusan1409

Just wanted to send you the last verse of a poem I love, that I hold in my heart ...from up there ...

I send you butterfly kisses,  though you don't know I'm there ...

It's me peeking round the corner,  just touching a strand of your hair ...

 

I really believe they are still looking over us, and so many times I've found things that make me wonder if they are somewhere close ... they just wait for when it's our turn, and we will see them again ... so just think what he would say to you now ... bet he's so proud of his girl ... my mum used to call me all the time, and sing I just called to say I love you ... and put the phone down, making me giggle, I still have a tear or two when it comes on the radio, 28 years later ... they always live in your heart, we just carry them with us ... ❤ chrisie xx 

 

Re: Miss my dad

7 Dec 2017 09:40 in response to Chriss

I know he wouldn't want me to be sad... but it's so hard when you miss them so much that your heart literally aches...

Re: Miss my dad

7 Dec 2017 22:46 in response to Karensusan1409

Thanks Karen.

How are you and your mum doing? Are you guys any better?

i can't stop crying or even enjoy myself. My mum told me the consultant said my dad has about 12 months even though the cancer hasn't broken out of his stomach, no spread to organs or peritoneum at all. He just has 2 distant small nodes that are cancerous. 

Theyve refused to operate so are just going to treat him with cancer. I've been looking at survival figures and most studies show the people in my dad's situation survive 12months or just a little more.

Feels like a lost battle already. I'm a proper daddy's girl and always have been.

i was walking by the Thames today with colleagues, we had gone to the Christmas markets in all the Christmas atmosphere but every time I felt a little happy the sadness just took over.

12 months is not a good prognosis. 

Although I am hoping he's one of the few that makes it past 5yrs and 10yrs.

Re: Miss my dad

9 Dec 2017 08:50 in response to mari.zal
Hi Mari, I'm sorry that the consultant has given such a poor prognosis... my dad was diagnosed in February, they wouldn't operate on him either as he was over 75. He was really well throughout his radiotherapy and chemotherapy treatment, but unfortunately the cancer had spread to his lungs. It's an awful time, spending everyday hoping the treatment is working. I'm sending you my love and letting you know that I will be.thinking of you and your family everyday as you being this awful journey. Contact me whenever you need to talk...❤❤❤ Karen xxxx

Re: Miss my dad

9 Dec 2017 09:03 in response to Karensusan1409

Hi karen, im sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in may this year to lung cancer 6 weeks after diagnosis. It was a complete shock, its been one of the worst times of my life and like you i was worried a out my mum too, i feel talking about him helps loads. Sending hugs xx

Re: Miss my dad

11 Dec 2017 11:02 in response to Nicola76

Hi Nicola,

Thankyou for your reply..  how are you and your family now?? I get a feeling of dread with each day getting nearer to Christmas... xxx

Re: Miss my dad

11 Dec 2017 12:02 in response to Karensusan1409

Hi Karen, 

We are still finding it really hard, like you im dreading christmas as it is my dads favourite time of the year. My mum is one of the most strongest people i know and shes been amazing, we just talk and laugh about him all the time and take comfort in that he never suffered and wasnt in pain. I love listening to songs that remind me of him but my sister and mum cant do that just yet, im hoping as time passes the pain gets a bit easier even though i know it will never fully go away i will miss him forever. Hope you're doing ok? X

Re: Miss my dad

11 Dec 2017 19:28 in response to Nicola76

Hi. my name's Toni, I'm 28 and lost my dad on Friday from stomach and liver cancer. He was only diagnosed 2 weeks early and was in hospital just 30 days. It was a rapid deteriation and so heartbreaking to watch. My dad was my best friend, my rock we were so close(i am an only child so have never had to share him) I loved him so so much!!!! I can't accept what has happened as I was only talking to him a few weeks ago about everyday things and now he's gone. My dad was so brave and strong right to the end and even tried to hide his pain to protect me. I was with him when he passed and it was very special. I told my dad everyday I loved him and he knew but in those last few days I told him how much he meant to me and even when he wasn't awake he was still listening to everything( I'm sure at points he was was probably telling me to go home) but It was lovely to be there. Obviously it's still very raw for me as I haven't even arranged his funeral yet but I get upset during the day but then think he'll be looking down and saying stop it! I feel alot of anger and bitterness as to why such a good man but i keep reminding myself how much pain he was in and now he is at peace and defintley enjoying himself. I know it will be a long road for me and i will never forget my dad he will be with me everyday. I will continue to talk to my dad daily and with my son and also to our new baby who is due in April which my dad was very excited for. My dad was and is still a huge part of my life! X

Re: Miss my dad

11 Dec 2017 19:59 in response to Karensusan1409

Hi Karen,

 

how are are you and your mum doing?

 

I almost finished typing my message to you yesterday when my battery went and I lost the message.

i think you're really sweet and strong to offer comfort to someone else when you need it yourself.

my brother passed away in February this year (not the person I lost a long time ago that I mentioned in a previous message). 

After the funeral we booked our parents a trip abroad that was due a few months later so they had something to look forward to. We could see a deep depression setting into them but the night before their flight it was as if they had suddenly awoken and remembered all these things (mostly packing and discussing weather conditions). It made us feel better just watching them wake up.

After they returned they looked like they had some life in them and were okay (still sad and taking each day as it came). Where things reminded them of my brother and made them sad other things reminded them of their holiday and the people they'd met which would bring a smile to their faces.

if you can, book a holiday in January and take your mum with you. You'll be 2 girlfriends hanging out on an adventure meeting new people and seeing new things. Go somewhere that isn't a built up city but isn't expensive. Like morocco all inclusive from Thompson Holidays (they pick you up at the destination airport and drop you off at the hotel then pick you up again). You have Aladdin type markets, 3 meals plus 2 snacks and it's quite a reasonable price - I was looking to go before my dad got diagnosed. Now I'm waiting for him to go into remission (praying he goes into remission).

You can also do Spain, Croatia, Portugal - these are quite different places.

it will also help you look forward to something past Christmas and make it that little bit more bearable.

Re: Miss my dad

11 Dec 2017 20:49 in response to Tonivic

So sorry for your loss, your dad sounds like an amazing and strong man and im so glad he knew how much you loved him. My dad was amazing too, to be honest looking back i dont know how we planned and had his funeral it all seems like such a blur. My son is 20 and was my dads best mate they did everything together and its hit him really really hard they even shared the same birthday. His first birthday without him is his 21st and even now hes dreading it and made plans to go away with his girlfriend, i get so angry sometimes because i just think why my dad he didnt deserve it. I find talking and laughing about him really helps me xx