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Malignant meningitis

16 Sep 2020 09:58

Hi

 

My poor mom is only 53 and for months has been experiencing severe back pain and mobility problems. She has been in and out of hospital throughout this period but the doctors could find no cause. Some suspected malignant meningitis as she had breast cancer last year and said it must have spread to the meninges. Now her symptoms are progressing, she can not speak or swallow, has lost so much weight and is rapidly deteriorating. It seems clear now that it is the cancer but it has been such a hard and difficult journey for us all and now is having such a horrible ending. I am her daughter and am 23 with three younger brothers, the youngest being 17. My dad is heartbroken and so is my nan as she lost her only other daughter 25 years ago. It doesn't seem right or fair but I want to be able to help my family through, particularly my youngest brother. I just don't know how we are all going to cope we were always such a happy family. She is coming home this week for end of life care and it all feels like a terrible nightmare. I keep feeling sick and having terrible headaches where I feel like I can't do anything. I don't know what will become of us. 

Malignant meningitis

16 Sep 2020 13:35 in response to hello12345

Hello,

 

First of all can I say how sorry I am that you are going through this terrible time, I would not wish it on anyone.

My Mam was 46 when she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She had treatment but then a few years later became very poorly, lost a lot of weight and was so obviously dying, however it took the doctors/hospitals a while to confirm this, the cancer had spread to her Liver. She took her final breath when she was just 49.

I was 21, I had a 9 month old son and I wondered how I would cope without my Mam, my best friend.

I am not going to lie to you, there will be times when you want the world to swallow you up, days when you do nothing but cry and become angry with people but I promise that you will cope, it is amazing how strong you can be when that is the only option that you have. Do not feel bad or guilty for having tough days and you take as much time as you need.

If I can give you any advice it would be to make the most of every single day that your Mam has left, tell her things that you haven’t already and if you have any questions about her life then ask her, laugh together and cry together because memories will be what gets you through he dark days.

I wish I had more photos of my Mam to look back on, it was 15 years ago that I lost her so camera phones were not as readily available as they are now.  

Good luck on this journey

x

Malignant meningitis

16 Sep 2020 15:53 in response to Shineystar

Thank you so much, you and your mom both sound so strong. I am going to try to be as well it just feels so hard at the moment and like a bad dream. It's such a cruel disease. Because she's got severe neurological problems now she can't speak at all which is making it even harder but is nice just to be with her. Very upsetting to see her like that as well though and feel so helpless because we can do nothing to stop it. The memories definitely are what carry you through and photos are so good to share and remember good times together. Thank you for your advice x

Malignant meningitis

16 Sep 2020 16:30 in response to hello12345

So sorry you are going through this. Ano myself how hard it is. My mum has just been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Its horrible to watch them lose so much weight. You feel so helpless, just want to take they're pain away.  I myself know that sick feeling you get sore head struggle to sleep am experiencing all that..  try and stay strong and cherish the memories 

Malignant meningitis

16 Sep 2020 16:39 in response to Dav6

It is so so hard nothing can quite prepare you for it. Thank you so much, I will try my best for her sake x

Malignant meningitis

16 Sep 2020 16:40 in response to Dav6

My best wishes and prayers for you as well x