Hi Sandra

My family is going through a very similar time. My dad was diagnosed last August with Asbestosis and a lung tumour.  He was advised against radiotherapy and opted for removal of the tumour along with upper right lobe - they also removed lymph gland as it had spread.  After a dreadful post-operative infection and nearly four months in hospital he started to recover and was feeling postive and told it looked clear.

 Within 5 weeks he was advised that the cancer had returned to the remainder of his right lung, his left lung and spine.  He has been told he has months to live (although not given any indication how many) and there is no more they can do for hm.  He weighs 9 st,  has no strength or muscle in his legs to stand and he too is having dreadful delirium at night. My mum is struggling with him.  Awaiting scan of brain as they also think its spread there, although since he has been given steroids he is having less delerium.   Other than that he is rational.  Spends most of his time in bed.  It is just so sad,

I totally understand your rambling.  I feel so frustrated that he was given this news and basically told 'sorry we cant do anything go home and die'.  So now we are just spending as much time as we can with him and helping my mum.  Talking lots, planning his funeral with him etc.   Today we were advised by GP that its time to think about the hospice - so surreal.

Sorry I have no advice for you other than to make the most of every minute you have left with your mum.

If you have a local hospice go and see them or ask for a visit.  They have been the best help and support we have had.  If not a Macmillan nurse. 

Val xxx

Hi my father in law (dad) was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer April 4 2016 he was told 6-8 weeks to live without chemo n 9-12 with chemo it was such a shock he decided to do chemo, he got to round 2 n had to stop it would have killed him as he was so weak a couple of weeks later his gp came and said it wasn't months it was weeks (which means up to 4) he has looked at scans n the chemo wasn't doing anything. Since been told the news by the gp 8 weeks has passed and he's still fighting.  He likes to sleep a lot sometimes it's because he's tired n sometime boredom he said if it wasn't for his breathing he wouldn't feel ill which is good he does have back pain which he says is 2/10 and just started with mild headaches, does this mean it's going to his brain? He is eating about 6 tablespoons of cornflakes in a morning and after eight mints by the dozen sometimes he wants jersey royals n Ham lol but last night he ate two mouthfuls n said I just can't eat it so we made him a complan instead,he's been like this with food for a few months now was losing 9-10lb per fortnight but 2 weeks ago it stopped n he is remaining the same but still not eating a lot and I don't understand why? Yesterday n today I noticed he is grey in colour, does this mean he is near death now? He is still able to walk upstairs to bed even though the hospital bed has been in the living room 2 months now! Sorry to hear your posts and my heart goes out to all of you, this journey is terrible x

Im very sorry to hear this....in my case my dad had nsclc st4...he lasted 8 weeks from diagnosis...at the end he slept95% of the time was on pain meds all the time and wasnt eating he passed in hospital as he couldnt be cared for at home....its only been 1 week since pasing and we are devastated as a family...he was 64..too young...im 40 and mayaswell be 14 the way im coping...but knowing hes still not struggling is part releif...its a terrible disease and i know what your going through...just take it one day at a time thats all you can really do.. .im so sorry for you at this terrible time 

Hi Sandra 

I'm so sorry you've found yourself here on these boards. Lung cancer is a very unforgiving disease and sadly 'happy endings'  are rare as its often spread extensively by the time symptoms become apparent .  I lost my own lovely husband to the disease in August 2015 - just 10 weeks after he was diagnosed. He was just 54 years old.  I feel blessed that I was able to care for him at home and he passed surrounded by love. 

The only advice I can offer is spend as much time as you can with your mum. Make every minute count.  Say all the things you feel you want to say. Tell her what a great mum she is and how much you love her.  We thought we had months left but in the end my husband went downhill so quickly - I still can't believe how quickly. I would also encourage you to continue posting here so you can get valuable support. 

Wishing you and your family and your mum much love 

Netty x 

Thank you for everyone taking the time to give me the advice which is greatly appreciated.  I am trying to spend as much quality time with mum as possible and making the most of the time we have left and, of course, supporting my dad.

Mum is now sleeping quite a lot but she had a fall in hospital on Tuesday evening resulting in her fracturing her clavicle.  Her pain relief has been increased as a result of this.  She is still very confused but you can see her trying to work things out.  We are waiting for the care home to get a bed available which will be much more comfortable than in hospital and much more dignified.

It is mum's 76th birthday next Friday so we are planning a special day for this.

Best wishes and love to all that have provided advice xxx

Hi Sandra,

       I have four elderly parents, all just shy of 80 and have been fortunate to have spent so much time with them all.They are all wonderful normal characters My father in law has pancreatic cancer which he has had for 7 months, my mother in law has lung cancer and has been battling for two years. She has part of neck removed and has limited movement on her left arm. My mother was diagnosed in May with lung cancer and he now under going chemo to be hopefully followed by 30 concurrent doses of radiotherapy My Dad has suffered for 10 years with diabetes,and heart complaints. He has a pacemaker and defibrillator in his chest and can only walk limited distances.with discussion with my wife I have given up work. My mother in law lives abroad so I can only call her for updates. The rest of my crew I keep daily checks signs and symptoms and give them all as much time as possible. Any thing they want they get. We have moved my father in law in with us now as he sleeps a lot buikt I push him to maintain a normal as possible, Get him dressed ,short outings which he seems to respond to. Mother was very anti treatment having had Leukaemia 10 years ago but with a little nagging and a little love is under going the treatment.Again I guess just being there giving support was enough and I understand from the consultant her chances are 50/50.My dad always tells me he is ok.i can see he is now so I made appointments to see the doctor for him and although he will get worse we can manage his conditions with meds. Sorry to ramble guys..but the bright side is I love them all and every day is special with them.