Together we will beat cancer


Lost my wife and father in law

8 Dec 2021 01:32

Hi everyone on Sunday the 6th December I lost my wife of 33 years to liver cancer on the same day we also lost her father my father in law in a separate hospital. Sharon was my rock my daughter and daughter in laws rock in fact the whole family. We were fortunate to be with her on her passing and had an amazing team of nurses on duty. Because of the way that she had become we spoke to her and explained about her father's passing. Not sure if she was still able too hear us.

I feel a huge amount of guilt that I could not do anything to.protect orvsave her from this horrendous illness nor could I have any control over her seeing her father one more time. The last few days I have struggled to go into our house without having someone with me. My daughter and daughter in law have been amazing as has my sister where I have spent the last few nights there. Earlier tonight my ring door bell alerted me too check it out. To my and my families surprise we can see a white circle with a face looking towards the front door the girls and I could immediately see Sharon looking up at it. I know grief ia a very hard and misunderstood symptom of the passing of someone but seeingbthis has heightened my anxiety of returning to the house. As I write this post sitting in my car my phone is ringing with concerned friends inviting me to their house.

Has anyone on the forum ever experienced a similar feeling of returning to the family home even though you know your love one.wouls not hurt you. I am confused and somewhat lost at the moment despite always being a strong individual who for the last 21 years has worked supporting families who are experiencing turmoil in their lives.

Thank you for reading my post I wish you all peace.and settlement in your lives. 

Regards Dave 

Lost my wife and father in law

8 Dec 2021 09:39 in response to Djdaveb001

I am so sorry to hear of your wife's and Father in Laws passing. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now and I'm truly sorry.

I'm not sure there's anything any one of us could write that would make things any easier for you during this awful time but please accept the help and support that your friends and family are offering to you, As difficult as that may seem.

As for your experience with your door bell I would love for you to find comfort in this. Prior to this week I wouldn't have read too much in to it however last week a dream notified me of a lump in my breast and sure enough it is there, I'm now on the urgent pathway for further tests. There's many things in life and of course death which we don't know about but sometimes these signs need to be embraced. 

Sending love and hope to you and your family. 

Lost my wife and father in law

8 Dec 2021 09:50 in response to DooLallyLucy

Good morning Lucy thank you so so much for your kind words and reply. Yes I do beleive their are little things that happen when love ones pass just to let you know they are OK and free from all the nastiness they had to endure with their illness. I know in my heart Sharon would be telling me off now and wanting me to carry on as normal. She was so strong and has made a huge impact on everyone that has had the pleasure of meeting her. The vision wS definitely someone telling g me that she and my father in law were happy and with other family members. I do hope that your results and support are all good and you receive the support you so much deserve. My kindest thoughts are with you at this difficult time. Dave 

Lost my wife and father in law

9 Dec 2021 00:16 in response to Djdaveb001

Hi Dave. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and it is understandable to feel a range of disabling emotions including fear. My mother in law lost her husband to Covid. She woke up on the sofa after a nap to find him standing in front of her but it unnerved her - perhaps because she doesn't believe in any kind of afterlife. At the moment of his passing one of our lights blew in the house and it is surprisingly common to receive visits from loved ones who have passed. An elderly lady I was good friends with once saw her husband's face morph out of the fireplace. It was so bizarre she only told me and one other person but he was smiling and looked at peace so although it gave her a jolt she took comfort from it. You know that your wife would certainly not mean you any harm so I think it's a more of a case of some primal fear of some kind? Could a relative or friend stay with you in your own home? The reason I say this is because fears tend to grow if not faced and you know logically there is nothing to fear so baby steps to nip it in the bud and acclimatise could save issues further on. You may like to sleep on the sofa or in another room? It took a long time for a lady I know to sleep in the marital bed. She also had to have the radio on to provide a sense of company. Sometimes we are also afraid because we fear a deceased loved one will be cross with us? It may sound silly but you could have a "conversation" with your wife and ask her not to frighten you? Xx