Together we will beat cancer


Losing both parents

8 Mar 2018 04:10

Hi there,

I was wondering if someone can help me with my stress due to the loss of my parents.

When I was only 8 years old my mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer and it had gotten quite severe as we had not noticed the signs. After getting told she had only a few weeks to live, she lived another 4 years were cancer was a part of our lives but we took it on our stride! Sadly the chemo stopped working and she quickly deteriorated within 1 month until she passed. I had a hard time coping through that but I bottled it up as my dad became depressed and my eldest sister has slight learning difficulties.

Roughly 9 years later my dad sadly got dealt with the same fate instead it was in his stomach! My dad was a very proud man and seen this as a challenge! He lasted 1 year and 1 month before he sadly passed a month ago very suddenly! 

I’m now struggling to cope as a 22 year old who has the responsibility of my sister and also my dad had a lot of unfinished business to do with his house as we all thought he would have more time! I have tried to keep my anxiety about this situation bottled up for my sisters sake but I’m so stressed and scared as I don’t know what I’m doing or how to go about it! I feel pressure of other family members telling me that it is my responsibility to help my sister out and sort my dads estate issues but she isn’t as incapable as they make her out to be and I feel like I don’t have time to grieve over the lose of my dad while I’m stressing over how I’m going to sort out his affairs! I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas how to deal with the stress of the aftermath of loss!

Thank you so much for reading x

Re: Losing both parents

8 Mar 2018 08:05 in response to GemmaRose

Hello GemmaRose.  You can really do without this.  I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation at 22 years old, a time when you should be enjoying your life.  I don't have any magic answers but I would suggest that for starters you tell these family members just how hard you are finding things and ask them directly to give you any assistance that would help you out.  I don't know the nature of the problems with your father's house and how much of it is finance-related (alas most things are finance-related in this day and age!).  I took a look at the MacMillan Cancer Support website because I know they have finance experts.  While probably most of the  issues that come to them probably relate to cancer patients struggling to keep working/pay the mortgage etc it might be worth giving them a ring (Freefone 0808 808 0000) if finance is relevant to your father's estate; your entire life currently is tied up with the consequences of cancer so they would probably be sympathetic and at the very least point you in the right direction.

Take time out for yourself.  I can imagine that if you are working and trying to juggle all the problems you mention this is easier said than done but you need to care for yourself.  Again if you talk to MacMillan they would listen to you and give you advice.  Take a look at their website to familiarise yourself with the many things they do.   I imagine your sister, while needing some support from you, has a life of her own also and doesn't need your constant care; again family members should be helping.

I don't know how  much of my suggestions actually relate to your current situation and I imagine other posters on this forum will have other suggestions.  Please keep coming back here for as long as you want to talk about how you are coping.  Best wishes.  Annie