Hi Gillyoso,

I notice that this is your first visit to Cancer Chat, so first and foremost, can I extend a very warm welcome?

I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis and prognosis. I am afraid that I have no experience of being fed via a feeding tube. Have you asked his care team why this cannot be carried out at home? They should be able to explain this to you. Don’t hesitate to ask questions if you don’t understand why certain things are being done or why they cannot be done. Your care team have a duty of care to make sure that you fully understand what and why certain things are/are not done.

It might also be worth having a chat with the nurses on this site, who have the medical knowledge to explain to you why you cannot take him home. You can contact them on 0808 800 4040 Monday to Friday and the number is Freephone.  I can foresee one or two complications occurring myself, not so much with the food, but with complications arising from having the line, for instance, if the tube got blocked, he would need to have access to immediate medical care. It might not be possible to deal with this at home before he choked.

This is always a difficult time to get through and, much though we would want to have our loved ones at home with us, it is not always possible. I feel for you, as I have lost my mother and several other relatives and friends to this disease. I have also had two bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 7 years. Do you have any family or friends to support you? Take any offer of help that you get, as cancer doesn’t just affect the patient It impinges on family too and you need to stay well enough to be able to keep visiting your husband. Sadly, Cancer is no respecter of age, colour or creed.

This site is populated either by people who have cancer themselves or are caring for someone with cancer. We have all been through the mill in one way or another and, are here to support one another. Now that you have found us, you need never feel lonely again, as there is always someone here to talk to whenever you feel like talking. Do please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Gilly, I'm so sorry to to read your very sad post,

I have taken Rich home. He just wants to die at home with me and our dog. We lived for 16yrs in Spain and moved back to England in January as we had no work. We settled on Isle of Wight , as we wanted a rural life and my son lives here. We have no friends here so I have little support. When Rich was discharged, he still had canulars in , was sent home with no inner tubes for trachi and wrong speaking adapters. I am not filled we confidence. He's in bed now and I can hear him gurgling. I hear him all night and can't sleep. He's in a separate room , but still I can't sleep, if he goes quite , I leap out of bed and think he's dead. My sister died on 5th of November from Melanoma of the lung. My brother in law woke up and found her dead. I am terrified of the same thing happening . I have never felt so alone and frightened.

Hi Gillyoso,

I am so sorry to hear that you are so lonely and sound as if you are totally unsupported. Did the hospital not put you in touch with Macmillan before you took your husband home? They are based on the Isle of Wight and can be contacted by phoneing :- 0300  1000 200. They could prove very helpful and supportive for you at this difficult time.

There is also the Cancer Support Centre, which is open Tuesday- Friday 10.00am – 17.00pm. It offers various alternative therapies for family and carers of cancer patients and gives a lot of support. They can be contacted on Tel:- 01983 524186. Email: isleofwight@wessexcancer.org.uk. This is situated at :- 19/21 Lugley Street, Newport, Isle of Wight, PO30 5HD.

There are other groups on the Isle of Wight, if you look on this site:- applegate.care/.../

If you are waking up every time your husband appears to stop breathing, you cannot be sleeping soundly and, cannot keep this up for long without damaging your own health. You really do need some support to let you go shopping, etc.

I do hope that you get the support you need and, am sure that your husband will be happier being at home, as opposed to being in hospital.

I am thinking of and praying for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx