Life after breast cancer

Hi my name is Dawn im 41 years old and on the 5/12/2013 at around 2.30pm i was diagnosed with breast cancer my story is unfortunatley quite long so bare with me,

In January 2013 my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer, the very same cancer as my dad had some years earlier, faught and was given the all clear bless her she started her chemo on her 60th birthday but she didnt seem faised by this infact she liked the nurses attention i think unfortunatley my mums cancer become terminal quite quickly and almost a year later she lost her battle which is when i found my lump.......

I put it to the back of my mind because i had so many things going on i didnt have the time to go and get it checked which i now know was naive of me then 2 months later we were dealt another blow my dads cancer had returned and this time it was terminal he lost his fight 5 months after my mum it was during this time my neighbour had told me of her breast cancer and hubby said d'ya know what maybe you should get the lump checked out its probably nothing but lets get it checked the dr referred me to the clinic stratight away and on the 5th of december 2013 i was diagnosed with breast cancer the strange thing is i even remember the time of day it was, it was 2.30 in the afternoon i remember feeling numb bnot really knowing what to expect or even what was going to happen next i just remeber saying ok what happens next not how bad is it or will i be ok just what happens next the consultant looked at me and said dawn i dont think you understand you have breast cancer i said i know what happens next i was so focused on the next stage i didnt even digest what i'd just been told he then told me it was agressive which meant i needed 6 lots of chemo followed by radiotherepy the breast cancer nurse was so lovely she kept asking me if i was ok i said yes im fine she expressed her concern on how well i'd taken the news and that i could let my guard down my husband then replied she wont be ok once she leaves this room then the tears fell and fell and fell and kept on falling the worst thing was telling the kids i couldnt lie to them but i said i will be fine everything is going to be ok surgery followed quote quickly after that christmas that year wasnt so good as i had to wait for my results but finally before the new year they came it hadnt spread into the surrounding tissue or my lymph nodes

Chemo time soon approached altho due to undetected gallstones i could only have 2 rounds but i still lost my hair so im confident it did something i didnt opt for the cold cap i figuered if i was gonna lose my hair then i was going to nothing i could do about it i did however sport some very fetching bandana's that my girls got for me in the end i think i must of had one in every colour lol i sailed through radiotherepy with little side effects aprt from the soreness & tiredness but thats normal so im told it was then i was consumed with having my gallbladder removed and my 1st check up at the breast clinic which was fine all clear i didnt expect the tears to roll but they did

Now im coming up to my 2nd check up in january 2016 and am on tenderhooks as to weather that will come back all clear also i can only pray that it does but i seem to be living in the void where i know things are ok and i should be happy and proud that i faught cancer and dont get me wrong i am but i cant seem to move on i question every little ache & pain and i must check myself like 50 times a day is this normal i dont know my gp thinks im greiving for the life i had before breast cancer and the loss of my parents but i dont know all i know is that i feel lost i get up each day and thank my angels that im here but its when i go to bed and the silence gives me time to think and my thoughts,concerns & worries seem so loud i dont know whats normal and what isnt anymore cancer really has kicked the legs from under me

Is there anyone who feels the same as me !!!!!

Dawn:|

  • Hello Dawn,

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story. When you have received news like you did when you were diagnosed, it is often that we remember details such as the exact time when you were diagnosed or things like the colour of shirt the doctor was wearing. You describe this very well in your post, how little details like this can leave a vivid mark in our minds. You certainly have gone through a lot and it is normal to be apprehensive after all this and I hope your check up in January goes well. Do come back here to let us know how it went!

    You will find there are many people here who are feeling exactly the same way as you and asking themselves the same questions as you. I will now let them do the talking and welcome you to this forum!

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thanks Lucie i found it actually did me soem good just writing it outni didnt know if anyone would reply to it but i just need to get it out if that makes any sense

     

    Dawn

  • Hi Dawn,

    Your feelings are perfectly natural - you have been through such a lot! Coping with the bereavment of both of your parents in such a short space of time on top of your own diagnosis and treatment - it's no wonder you feel the way you do.

    I had breast cancer in 2012 and after chemotherapy and radiotherapy my life has returned to normal (or as normal as it can be).

    I'm still scared even after 3 years and sometimes emotions get the better of me but I just tell myself it's okay to have a wobble now and again!

    You will get through it Dawn, it's normal to be frightened. I found it very helpful to see a counsellor at my GP practice when I had a lot on my plate at one stage in my life.

     

    Take care.

    Jax xx

  • Thanks Ja

    Im glad to hear of your recovery i am trying to tell myself that hey its ok you have been through so much dont be so hard on yourself but then i have the niggling bit in my head that says ha dont get to comfortable you know how quick things can change

    But today is a good day although im feeling tired as i didnt sleep very well last night i actually feel quite good in myself

    Take care

    Dawn x

  • Hi Dawn,  

    thank you for sharing your story, parts of it could have been me writing it. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013, stage 3, triple negative. I underwent surgery, chemo and radiotherapy. The hardest part for me was telling my elderly parents and my 2daughters. My eldest daughter had an ectopic pregnancy the day I was diagnosed so my main concern was for her.  

    On a follow up CT scan in June this year a nodule that was showing last year on my lung had grown. Things have moved very fast, I've had more surgery to remove half of my lung and it turned out to be another primary cancer.  I'm a none smoker and fairly healthy so this was a shock although far better than secondary cancer. I try to look for positives in life, if I hadn't had breast cancer than the lung cancer would not have been found at such an early stage and the prognosis would have been so much worse.

    I have constant aches and pains, is it my age, cancer or imagination? On the outside I put on a brave face but inside I'm terrified.  I'm due to return to work shortly and I'm dreading it, my colleagues are lovely people who mean well but they say  to put it all behind me and get on with life. If only it was that easy. I want to spend my time at home with my family but unfortunately I can't afford not to work.  I thank my angels all the time. 

    Ideally I would like a CT scan every month for reassurance but I know this isn't possible. Sorry if I've rambled on a bit, I do understand how you feel. Keep us updated please. 

    Best Wishes

    Karen x

     

     

  • Hi Karen,

    Gosh it sounds like you really have been through the mill im glad your prognosis is looking good now for you and like you said quite often it is finding something that can pick something else up when i was diagnosed they found something that could of linked it to ovarian cancer but altho it was rare and i had a hysterctomy a long time ago it still came as a big shock to me but that lead me to have a full ct scan of my lower part of my body and fortunatley it was all clear and then i had chest xray to check it hadnt spread to my bones and again fortunatley that was all clear never appologise for rambling god my post was long enough lol

     

    Dawn x