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Laughter is good medicine

28 Jun 2019 08:07 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

Laughter is good medicine

29 Jun 2019 09:16 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

FATHER
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.” The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.” The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.”
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!”
The priest, getting impatient, said. “'I am the Father of hundreds”', and
went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and also put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

 

Laughter is good medicine

2 Jul 2019 00:26 in response to woodworm

Hi Woodworm

I just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh.

 

Laughter is good medicine

2 Jul 2019 09:12 in response to Wendy12

Hi folks

Thanks Wendy, laughter is good medicine

Seen In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

Laughter is good medicine

3 Jul 2019 09:11 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Waiting between Bishop Stortford and Harlow, to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along the M11 motorway at 11MPH so he says to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seats and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...eleven miles an hour!" ....the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that M11 is the road number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a sound this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We've just come off the A120."

Laughter is good medicine

6 Jul 2019 09:09 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

Laughter is good medicine

6 Jul 2019 21:56 in response to woodworm

i AM NEW HERE BUT i HAVE REALLY ENJOYED THE JOKES  KEEP THEM COMING

 

Laughter is good medicine

7 Jul 2019 11:49 in response to Jimbo34

Hi friends

 Welcome Jimbo

Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer. "Why don’t you ever bring me flowers?" I asked.

"What’s the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week."

"So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around."

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jul 2019 08:55 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Relaxing Location

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swans and the lake,” he assured them.

Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to enjoy it.”

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jul 2019 21:07 in response to Chriss

Dear Brian

l heard just today that my father in South Africa has stage 4 lung cancer, and whilst researching it l came across your wonderful ''Laughter is good medicine'', and my tears are flipping between sad tears and laughter tears. 

l will follow your medicine for a long time. Thank you so much !!!

Laughter is good medicine

9 Jul 2019 09:21 in response to AdrainW

Hi folks

Thanks Adrian. Sorry to read about your father having cancer. My father lived in Canada and when his prostate cancer eturned I couldnt be there to help out. 

I am glad the joked helped

Kind Rehards, Brian

Laughter is good medicine

9 Jul 2019 09:22 in response to AdrainW

Hi folks.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a grown man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I go to get a cab to return home, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in the car. The cab driver just drives away."
"When I finally get home after a long walk, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my drink which I have just put rat poison in."

Laughter is good medicine

11 Jul 2019 09:06 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

A funeral service was being held for a woman who had just passed away. As the pallbearers carried the casket out, they accidentally bumped into a brick wall. They were surprised to hear a faint moan come from inside the casket. They opened the casket and found that the woman was still alive! She went on to live 10 more years and then died, and they held another funeral for her. While the pallbearers were carrying her coffin out, her husband yelled out, "For ******’s sake, watch out for that wall!"

Laughter is good medicine

14 Aug 2019 09:44 in response to woodworm

Hi folks,

A man was speaking to God. "God, why did you  make women so beautiful?" he asked. God said: "I did that to make you love them". Then the man asked: "Well, God; why did you make them such good cooks?" God said: "I did that to make you love them". The man then asked: "But God, why did you make women so stupid?". God said: "I did that to make them love you ! "