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Laughter is good medicine

7 Jun 2019 08:24 in response to woodworm

Hi folks.

Q: What goes up and never comes down?

 A: Your age! 

 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 09:04 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Dispatch The police dispatch picks up the phone and writes down the call for help: "Please send someone urgent, a cat has broken in!" The police dispatcher responded, "Sir, I don't think I heard you correctly? A cat at your home?" "A cat! He has invaded my house and is walking towards me! Again the police dispatch tried to correct him "But how so? You mean a thief?" "NO! I'm talking about a freaking cat, the one that does 'meow, meow', and it's coming my way!.... You have to come now!" "So what about this cat coming toward you?" the officer replies trying to grasp the situation "He's going to kill me, now he's going mental! And you will be the reason I die" "Who is talking?" the officer asks The parrot, you jac**ss! 
 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 18:39 in response to woodworm

Hi Woodworm, hope you are having a good day. I really enjoy your posts and you are so kind to do them. So, lovely Mr Woodworm, just for fun, I have a challenge for you (and everyone on here); it is this: NHS toast clearly has medicinal if not magical powers- but simply can't put my finger on it! So we need input from the team on here as regards their feelings towards and experience of, the said mythical toast. Yes?  Much love to all.  V Plum 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 18:47 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian u never fail Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 20:32 in response to Gemini39

Hi Gemini, what are your thoughts on NHS Toast? X

Laughter is good medicine

9 Jun 2019 08:41 in response to VPlum

Hi VPlum,

Thank you for your kind words. I cant answer your question as I have never stayed in hospital nor have I eaten any of their toast Sorry cant help on this one, Brian

Laughter is good medicine

9 Jun 2019 08:48 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Thank VPlum and Gemini

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. 

 

Laughter is good medicine

11 Jun 2019 09:20 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Save Me

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

Laughter is good medicine

17 Jun 2019 09:29 in response to woodworm

Hi folks,

What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer? They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.

Laughter is good medicine

18 Jun 2019 09:43 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Lady to Doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I do to him to cure him ”?
Doctor: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he’s awake.

Laughter is good medicine

20 Jun 2019 13:30 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"It’s okay Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

Laughter is good medicine

21 Jun 2019 10:36 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"

Laughter is good medicine

22 Jun 2019 08:44 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Magic Show Joke

 I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, “Wow, how did you do that.” I would tell you”, answered the magician predictably, “but then I’d have to kill you.” After a moments pause, the same voice screamed out “In that case, can you tell my mother in law?”

Laughter is good medicine

23 Jun 2019 09:04 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.

Laughter is good medicine

24 Jun 2019 14:00 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns £1,500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student: "A heart attack."