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Laughter is good medicine

13 Apr 2019 09:09 in response to woodworm

Hi folks,

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesús."

Laughter is good medicine

15 Apr 2019 20:34 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian Happy

Laughter is good medicine

16 Apr 2019 09:15 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run like hell!"

Laughter is good medicine

18 Apr 2019 04:15 in response to woodworm

An elderly gentleman was having a minor exploratory operation and had to have sedation.  When he awoke after the surgery he found himself in his hospital bed dressed in a theatre gown and wearing an oxygen mask. A young student nurse approached him and asked him how he was feeling to which he replied "are my testicles black?"  The student nurse looked a little uneasy but complied with his wishes. She lifted up his theatre gown and started fondling his privates and said "they look fine to me sir".   The gentleman took off his oxygen mask and said" nurse that was very nice indeed, but listen very carefully.  ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK."

Laughter is good medicine

18 Apr 2019 08:53 in response to Keith67

Hi folks,

Thanks Keith

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four feet sticking out instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, smiling smugly, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she’s astonished to see her husband sitting there at the table, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

Laughter is good medicine

19 Apr 2019 09:01 in response to woodworm

Hi folks.

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Laughter is good medicine

20 Apr 2019 08:55 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunken man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest," I'm ***** ******." The Priest replies," No son, you're not!" So he says to the second, “I’m ***** ******." He says, “No, son, you're not." The drunk says," Look I can prove it." He takes the two Priests into the bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says," ***** ******, YOU'R HERE AGAIN!!!"

 

Laughter is good medicine

20 Apr 2019 17:30 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

24 Apr 2019 09:01 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

One day the devil walked into a bar,
every one ran away but only one man had the guts to stay.
The devil asked the man “Aren't you scared of me?”.
The man replied, "Why should I be, I married your sister 30 years ago".

Laughter is good medicine

24 Apr 2019 09:14 in response to woodworm

Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

25 Apr 2019 11:36 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thanks Gemini

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.

Laughter is good medicine

26 Apr 2019 07:50 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!

Laughter is good medicine

26 Apr 2019 21:37 in response to Keith67

Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

27 Apr 2019 09:50 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks

Thank Gemini

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little **** on your knee!”

Laughter is good medicine

27 Apr 2019 14:27 in response to woodworm

Laugh