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Laughter is good medicine

1 Apr 2019 10:05

Hi friends

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I treid to keep positive and enjoyed many a laugh during this time, I have always believed laughter is good for us and that it helps lift us up when we are feeling down

So I am going to post a few jokes on here which I hope others will add too, Brian

Laughter is good medicine

2 Apr 2019 09:03 in response to woodworm

Good morning friends.

Laughter is good medicine

2 Apr 2019 09:49 in response to woodworm

Like the new thread Brian something 2 make us laugh even if we don’t feel like laughing if that makes sense Happy

Laughter is good medicine

2 Apr 2019 15:49 in response to woodworm

Laughter is good medicine

3 Apr 2019 11:41 in response to Gemini39

Good morning friends.

Thanks Gemini

Laughter is good medicine

4 Apr 2019 10:53 in response to woodworm

Hi folks.

Laughter is good medicine

5 Apr 2019 07:36 in response to woodworm

Hi friends,

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
 

 

Laughter is good medicine

6 Apr 2019 08:52 in response to woodworm

Hi folk,

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM.
The husband picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up.
His wife rolls over and asks, “Sweetheart, who was that?”
“I don’t know, some stupid buffoon asking if the coast is clear.”

Laughter is good medicine

6 Apr 2019 12:35 in response to woodworm

LOL Thanks Brian Happy

Laughter is good medicine

7 Apr 2019 08:50 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thanks Gemini

BUSY DOING NOTHING

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for over an hour."
Husband: "I was trying to see if I could find an expiry date

Laughter is good medicine

7 Apr 2019 15:34 in response to woodworm

Man driving home gets stopped by the police who ask him if he’s been drinking. 

“No officer” replies the man

Officer says “well I’d like you blow into this bag anyway sir”

Man responds “I haven’t been drinking - why do I have to blow into the bag”

Officer replies “cause I’ve just bought these chips and they are too hot!”

 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Apr 2019 08:52 in response to Laney1010

Hi folks

Can of Peaches

An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she had stolen.

"Your Honor, I stole a can of peaches."

The judge replied, "How many peaches were in the can?"

She said, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will sentence you to six days in jail."

Her husband stood up behind her and replied, "Your Honour, she also stole a can of peas."

Laughter is good medicine

11 Apr 2019 10:12 in response to woodworm

Good morning friends,

Feeling it was time to shake-up his company the new CEO decided to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $1,600 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

From across the room came a voice: "That was the pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

Laughter is good medicine

11 Apr 2019 12:06 in response to woodworm

Thanks both Laugh

Laughter is good medicine

12 Apr 2019 10:30 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thank Gemini

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says, "I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says, "I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Poof! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Poof! Done. "And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Poof! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says, "Darling, aren't you sorry now that you had me fixed?"

Laughter is good medicine

13 Apr 2019 09:09 in response to woodworm

Hi folks,

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesús."

Laughter is good medicine

15 Apr 2019 20:34 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian Happy

Laughter is good medicine

16 Apr 2019 09:15 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run like hell!"

Laughter is good medicine

18 Apr 2019 04:15 in response to woodworm

An elderly gentleman was having a minor exploratory operation and had to have sedation.  When he awoke after the surgery he found himself in his hospital bed dressed in a theatre gown and wearing an oxygen mask. A young student nurse approached him and asked him how he was feeling to which he replied "are my testicles black?"  The student nurse looked a little uneasy but complied with his wishes. She lifted up his theatre gown and started fondling his privates and said "they look fine to me sir".   The gentleman took off his oxygen mask and said" nurse that was very nice indeed, but listen very carefully.  ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK."

Laughter is good medicine

18 Apr 2019 08:53 in response to Keith67

Hi folks,

Thanks Keith

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four feet sticking out instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, smiling smugly, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she’s astonished to see her husband sitting there at the table, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

Laughter is good medicine

19 Apr 2019 09:01 in response to woodworm

Hi folks.

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Laughter is good medicine

20 Apr 2019 08:55 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunken man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest," I'm ***** ******." The Priest replies," No son, you're not!" So he says to the second, “I’m ***** ******." He says, “No, son, you're not." The drunk says," Look I can prove it." He takes the two Priests into the bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says," ***** ******, YOU'R HERE AGAIN!!!"

 

Laughter is good medicine

20 Apr 2019 17:30 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

24 Apr 2019 09:01 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

One day the devil walked into a bar,
every one ran away but only one man had the guts to stay.
The devil asked the man “Aren't you scared of me?”.
The man replied, "Why should I be, I married your sister 30 years ago".

Laughter is good medicine

24 Apr 2019 09:14 in response to woodworm

Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

25 Apr 2019 11:36 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thanks Gemini

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.

Laughter is good medicine

26 Apr 2019 07:50 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!

Laughter is good medicine

26 Apr 2019 21:37 in response to Keith67

Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

27 Apr 2019 09:50 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks

Thank Gemini

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little **** on your knee!”

Laughter is good medicine

27 Apr 2019 14:27 in response to woodworm

Laugh 

Laughter is good medicine

28 Apr 2019 09:22 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thanks Gemini

A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it everything: break dancing, moon walking, back flips; the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I regret to say I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"

 

Laughter is good medicine

28 Apr 2019 16:35 in response to woodworm

Laugh

Laughter is good medicine

4 May 2019 10:29 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thanks Gemini

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"

Laughter is good medicine

6 May 2019 09:02 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

A man walks into a bar and the bartender for a shot of whisky. After drinking it, he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another one. After he finishes, he looks into his pocket again and orders another shot. After he’s done this for a third time, the bartender being a curious man, walks up to him and asks the man why he looks into his pocket before ordering each shot. The man replies, “It’s quite simple really, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket, and when she starts to look good, I go home.”

Laughter is good medicine

6 May 2019 18:34 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian Laugh Laugh 

Laughter is good medicine

12 May 2019 09:05 in response to Gemini39

Good morning friends

Thanks Gemini

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, “Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it.”

“Come to me three times a week for two years, and I’ll cure your fears,” says the shrink. “And I’ll charge you only $200 a visit.”

Lenny says he’ll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. “For $200 a visit?” says Lenny. “A bartender cured me for $10.”

“Is that so; How?” 

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

 

Laughter is good medicine

14 May 2019 09:00 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobby: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobby: They hold my glasses up!!!

Laughter is good medicine

14 May 2019 10:31 in response to woodworm

Thank you Brian... for my smile today ... love your threads ... it's a shame there's not a LIKE button ... long may you find things to smile about in a world with so many problems ... 

My mum and co, always taught us, no matter how hard life gets , find something in the day to make you smile ... Chrissie xx

Laughter is good medicine

18 May 2019 09:43 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian 

Laughter is good medicine

19 May 2019 08:49 in response to Gemini39

Hi folks,

Thanks Chriss and Gemini

Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”

 

Laughter is good medicine

20 May 2019 18:21 in response to woodworm

Laugh

Laughter is good medicine

31 May 2019 10:55 in response to Gemini39

Good morning friends

Thanks Gemini

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Laughter is good medicine

3 Jun 2019 19:00 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian

Laughter is good medicine

3 Jun 2019 19:07 in response to Gemini39

Just came across this naughty one ... 

Old hubby and his Mrs go to Drs... the nurse says to the old chap "we need a stool and urine sample "  

"What did she say" he asked his wife ...

They need your underwear , came her reply ... xx

Laughter is good medicine

4 Jun 2019 08:33 in response to Chriss

Hi folks,

Thank Gemini and Chriss

Bad Student.

One day I went into school all puzzled and said to my teacher "Miss will i get into trouble for something i havent done ?" She said "No why" I said " Because I havent done my homework. 
 

Laughter is good medicine

7 Jun 2019 08:24 in response to woodworm

Hi folks.

Q: What goes up and never comes down?

 A: Your age! 

 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 09:04 in response to woodworm

Hi folks

Dispatch The police dispatch picks up the phone and writes down the call for help: "Please send someone urgent, a cat has broken in!" The police dispatcher responded, "Sir, I don't think I heard you correctly? A cat at your home?" "A cat! He has invaded my house and is walking towards me! Again the police dispatch tried to correct him "But how so? You mean a thief?" "NO! I'm talking about a freaking cat, the one that does 'meow, meow', and it's coming my way!.... You have to come now!" "So what about this cat coming toward you?" the officer replies trying to grasp the situation "He's going to kill me, now he's going mental! And you will be the reason I die" "Who is talking?" the officer asks The parrot, you jac**ss! 
 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 18:39 in response to woodworm

Hi Woodworm, hope you are having a good day. I really enjoy your posts and you are so kind to do them. So, lovely Mr Woodworm, just for fun, I have a challenge for you (and everyone on here); it is this: NHS toast clearly has medicinal if not magical powers- but simply can't put my finger on it! So we need input from the team on here as regards their feelings towards and experience of, the said mythical toast. Yes?  Much love to all.  V Plum 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 18:47 in response to woodworm

Thanks Brian u never fail Happy 

Laughter is good medicine

8 Jun 2019 20:32 in response to Gemini39

Hi Gemini, what are your thoughts on NHS Toast? X