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Laughter is good

30 Jan 2018 10:05

Hi folks, 

Came across this joke and wanted to share it with you all, Brian.

Einstein Had To Speak At An Important Science Conference

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."

"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :

"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

Re: Laughter is good

30 Jan 2018 17:53 in response to woodworm

Happy Thanks Brian Happy 

Re: Laughter is good

30 Jan 2018 19:48 in response to woodworm

Like it, thanks Brian.  Happy

Hazel xx

Re: Laughter is good

4 Feb 2018 10:00 in response to haze44

Hi folks,

Thanks Gemini and Hazel

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.

"Hope this raise a smile or two, Brian.

Re: Laughter is good

4 Feb 2018 22:24 in response to woodworm

Another Jem Brian... x

Re: Laughter is good

4 Feb 2018 22:29 in response to woodworm

The variation of the lion joke I heard is this:

Two men are sleeping in a tent in the African veldt, and they hear a lion clawing at the canvas.

"Quick," says one of them "It's a lion, we need to get away NOW!"  And he starts putting on his running shoes.

"Why are you putting your shoes on?" asks the other. "You can't run faster than a lion!" 

"That's true, but I don't have to run faster then the lion; I only have to run faster than YOU! "

 

Re: Laughter is good

5 Feb 2018 07:19 in response to telemando

Goodmorning friends, 

Thanks Chris and Telemando.

Hope you like this one, Brian.

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesús."

 

 

Re: Laughter is good

5 Feb 2018 13:17 in response to woodworm

Nice ones Brian, thanks, gave me a chuckle or two! 

Hazel xx

 

Re: Laughter is good

5 Feb 2018 13:18 in response to telemando

Thanks Telemando, this is an equally chucklesome variation!

Hazel xx

Re: Laughter is good

6 Feb 2018 09:54 in response to haze44

Hi folks ,

Thanks Hazel

During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgement, the pastor said forcefully, "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement." Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face. The minister repeated his point louder. "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!" The man nodded and smiled even more. This really got the preacher wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum: "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!!!" Though everyone else in the congregation was looking sombre, the man in front continued to smile. Finally, the preacher stepped off the platform, stood in front of the man and shouted, "I said each member of this church is going to die!" The man grinned from ear to ear. After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline for the man. "I don't get it," the preacher said in frustration. "Whenever I said, 'Each member of this church is going to die,' your smile got bigger. Why?" "I'm not a member of this church," the man replied.

Re: Laughter is good

6 Feb 2018 11:01 in response to woodworm

Love it!  Thanks Brian Happy

Hazel xx

Re: Laughter is good

6 Feb 2018 11:52 in response to woodworm

I recall the Dave Allen variation of this joke:

Hell-Fire Preacher: And there will be Death and Judgment. And there will be a wailing and a groaning, and a gnashing of teeth!

Old woman in front pew: I don't have any teeth!

Preacher: TEETH WILL BE PROVIDED!!

Re: Laughter is good

6 Feb 2018 14:45 in response to telemando

Oh, I loved Dave Allen!  Thanks telemando.

Hazel x

Re: Laughter is good

7 Feb 2018 09:30 in response to haze44

Hi folks, 

Thanks Hazel and Telemando

Can of Peaches

An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she had stolen.

"Your Honor, I stole a can of peaches."

The judge replied, "How many peaches were in the can?"

She said, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will sentence you to six days in jail."

Her husband stood up behind her and replied, "Your Honour, she also stole a can of peas."

 

Re: Laughter is good

7 Feb 2018 11:21 in response to woodworm

What a rotter! Happy

Thanks Brian, Hazel xx