Hi Jimmy

I know my condolences probably don't help at all, but you have them anyway.

I lost my dad in the mid 1990s, and my mum about 10 years later. 

Everyone grieves and recovers in their own way, and you have to go through the process individually. What my wife found shocking after my dad died was how the rest of the world went on as normal: HOW DARE THEY! 

Don't try to suppress the grief, and don't try to hurry the process.  Take as much time as you need.  At first, you probably won't be able to think of your mum without crying, or at least having a tear cross your eyes, but in time that changes to fond memories and instead of crying, you'll smile at all the great things you did together, and just how much she loved you. 

Many people suggest writing a letter to your loved one, putting in it everything you ever wanted to say to them, then either burning it or keeping it in a safe place. I was going to do this, but I found just the process of sorting out in my own mind what I was going to say brought me such a feeling of relief I didn't actually need to put it down on paper at all. 

Both my parents and my wife's parents are now long dead, but that doesn't stop my wife and I sharing a little joke or wry comment about the past antics of one of them (usually her father), or when watching a TV show commenting how another of them loved such and such an act. In this way, we keep them alive in our minds, with mixed feelings of happiness, sadness, and nostalgia. 

So, there's not much I can say that will help you now. But things will get better with time. Not immediately, but over a period of years. 

Thanks so much for your kind words. 

Best wishes 

"My friends all say “I’m there” and “if you need anything”, but nearly 2 weeks on everything has gone back to normal."

this bit rung true with me. sadly other people will go 'back to normal' after a short time or after a funeral. for those close, it can take a lifetime to adapt and adjust x

Jack thanks ever so much for for the reply.

i guess it is a part of all of our journeys and a reality that the world doesn’t stop just becuasd of our pain. 

Surviving at moment, just. 

Best wishes 

Hey Isabelle, thanks so much. This advice is brilliant, and I think I am at the same stage as you. I feel like I’m trying to put the welfare of my brothers and father before my own, whereas in a few weeks time I’ll Be on the over side of the world and pretty much alone apart from a few great friends. 

Each day at a time is exactly what I’m doing and Is sound advice for anyone who reads this an whom is going through the same pain. 

Thanks again! 

Jimmy

Hi Jimmy, I know many people tell you that the time will heal it and you dont believe it at the moment but it will happen.My mom died 2 months ago the worst is over, you will always have up and down days and life will probably never be the same there will always be the sadness, the nostalgy in background...You take your time to grieve, cry it all out it helps and what helps me is that I believe my mom is with me, I talk to her when by myself, I can feel her presence, just like if she was there with me...

Thank you ever so much for the reply Mia. 

Guess we will forever live our lives in the memories of our mums, and now will go forward in there’s honour! 

Best to you and your family 

Hi Jimmy, How you are going now that you are back home? I hope you are looking after yourself and have some local support. 

Hi Isabella, thanks so much for this msg. I only logged back on today. 

Post the above, I have settled back into life in AUS, work is going incredibly well and just a month after returning to AUS i met a lovely young lady, we have been courting coming up to 5 months now. The cleche of ''she saved me'' is not the words I am looking for, but, I do feel an angel who left me down here, took care of me upstairs if you know what i mean? 

Generally tho, every day is different, some days I feel totally broken, then others, it is just a sombre void, missing the one person who I could always rely. Cancer has taught me so so much, but most of all, how it does not descriminate, so, I have learned to try and live the best life I can. 

I hope you are going okay too?