Just found out my mum has cancer

To say I am devestated does not describe how I am feeling. We found out by pure chance the other day that my mum has cancer.  It has come totally out of the blue as she was being x-rayed for a broken arm and they found a tumour in her arm.. It has gone further in that by the time her CT was completed they found another tumour in her pelvis.  How on earth can she have gone from being fit and healthy one day to finding out she has secondary cancer the next.  The worst thing ever is that they have not located the primary source yet, although they think it is in her womb.  I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and has come crashing down in the space of a week.   All I can think about is how far advanced it must be and I am totally petrified that she is already beyond help.. How can this happen. x

  • Hi Sue, I'm so sorry to hear abut your Mom recently being diagnosed with cancer. I want to welcome you to this friendly, caring and supportive forum where none of us would choose to be, but glad that its' here when we find ourselves in a position where we are dealing with a cancer diagnosis, our own, or that of a loved one. Its' quite a shock when we, or a loved one is first diagnosed, especially when that person appears to be so healthy. Also, we automatically think the worst has happened, and in fact, that is not always the case. Right now even the medical professionals working with your Mom aren't even sure yet what is going on, but I'm sure once they know more, they will be better able to provide all of you with information on her condition. Hopefully, it may not be as bad as it appears right now. The fact that she is in great health otherwise, will certainly be in her favor as she deals with this disease. You sound like a very caring and loving daughter and its' great that she  has you in her life. Try to step back from this somewhat until you have more information and come on here to write about your fears and get support from others on this forum. You will find people here to be very understanding and supportive. Please take care of yourself during this time as well. Let us know how your Mom is doing. I'm sure she also has fears about what to expect.

    Take care and sending you hugs.

    Lorraine   

  • Sue

    I'm truly sorry to hear about your Mum.  In my case it was also the secondaries which were found first then investigations were made to locate the primary.  There are a number of things which will help to identify where the primary is, although it takes time to complete the investigations.  Cancer can often be quite slow to develop so it could have been going on for a while, and it seems to be able to make progress without being apparent. 

    This is probably one of the most difficult times because there is so much uncertainty.  I was told that a treatment plan would be put in place once the investigations had been completed, and the time taken to properly investigate in order to put the right plan in place was time well spent.  Although in your mum's case it is advanced cancer there are still likely to be a number of treatment options to be considered. I didn't know it at the time, because I knew very little, but there are different chemo drugs for different cancers so it is important to hit it with the right ones.

    For myself I tried not to think too far ahead although the waiting was horrible, even though it felt scary I tried not to second-guess what tomorrow would bring. My other half was petrified and couldn't discuss any of it for quite some time - understandable as it is a bit of a taboo subject.  So in this early period I felt rather alone.

    Please refute the dark side telling you that she is beyond help, because that is very very unlikely these days.  If you can be there to discuss it if she wants to, and provide other support where she needs it, for example being with her when going to the appointments, then that is enormous.  My OH turned the corner after a few weeks and is with me every time now.

    I hope this is of some help.

  • Thank you for your kind words Lorraine. I am still in total shock and I just needed some kind of forum like this to talk as I don't want to put pressure on either her or my dad or stress them out at this difficult time. It is great to meet some lovely people who are going through similar things or have family going through it.

    Sue x

  • Hi

    I am sorry to hear about your OH but I am so happy to hear they have turned the other corner and seem to be improving. It must be such a relief.  It is just so scary at the moment because time seems to be ticking by and we are still none the wiser about how far advanced it is or what is going to happen to her. I am sure the doctors know what they are doing but it is hard for us sitting around waiting.

    I will definatley refute the dark side telling me she is beyond help because I always believe there is a glimmer of hope... especially when I can see that she is so well.

    Thank you again.

    Sue x

  • hi i just found out my mummy has cancer as well. it is early on but i am petrified as to what i do. i dont sleep at night and i am failing in school i am 14 what do i do

  • Hi Tstephens12

    Welcome to Cancer Chat and sorry that your mum has cancer.

    As well as coming here to share your feelings, there is a website called rip rap which you may like to look at.

    It is designed specifically to support teenagers who have a parent affected by cancer, so it may be helpful to you.

    Have you told anyone at your school about what is going on at home? Your school will be able to support you if you can explain why you are finding it difficult to study at the moment.

    I hope this information is useful to you.

    Let us know how you are getting on.

    Best wishes to you and your family,

    Jane

     

  • Hi and welcome

    I'd like to just reinforce what Jane said about talking to people at school - they will have had people in your position before and they can help but only if you talk to them about it.

    Also don't panic - cancer has come a long way in recent years, maybe you've seen some of the adverts that Cancer Research has done recently that now more than half of the people who get cancer survive it.

    What you may not know is that a big factor in that is how early it is caught and how old some one is so it sounds as if your mum has a big head start.

    If you're worried she will be even more so - but if I know anything about mums she'll mostly be worried about you!   

    So - deep breath, go and talk to them at school about your mum and give her a big hug and maybe say to her that she can tell you about it if she feels up to it  

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