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24 Jun 2008 17:54

a lttle bit of fun to cheer us up along the way..

i reckon we should have a jokes thread...all clean please! ( you never know who is reading)

heres one of mine...........................

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding

anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica .

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of

the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful &

loving couple' The local newspaper reporter was

inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy


The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our

honeymoon in America ,' explained the man. 'We

visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a

trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We

hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled

and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the

horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' 'We proceeded

little further and her horse stumbled again. Again

my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone

half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third

time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her

purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why

did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you

crazy?' She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's


And from that moment..... we have lived happily

every after.'

Re: Jokes

25 Jun 2008 09:08 in response to imabloke

Hahahahaha!!!! Brilliant

What a great idea..... once I can think of a joke I will post it up there.

Re: Jokes

25 Jun 2008 15:17 in response to Princess

I couldn't agree more - there is no reason NOT to find fun in any circumstance, cancer included. One of my abiding memories of the cancer ward in hospital was the amount of laughter. Sure there were serious moments. As the Manifesto of the Lance Armstrong Foundation says "Attitude is EVERYTHING!"

One funny story .... I was admiited to hospital after being diagnosed with very advanced Testicular Cancer. I have since been told by my oncologist that had my treatment not started when it did I would not have survived much more than a month or six weeks. Anyway, I was no sooner in bed than several consultants came to ask if their final-year medical students could come and examine me. I had 'an interesting lump' on my neck, caused by swollen lymph nodes from the spread of the cancer

One consultant arrived with eight students and I obliged with holding a mouthful of water and swallowing so they could see if the lump moved, etc. Then one student asked if they could examine me 'down below'. Well, why not, they might learn something. I agreed on one condition - they had to determine which testicle should be surgically removed later that afternoon. It was a serious question. If they got it right, fine; but if they got it wrong I'd have to lose both and end up a eunuch!!!

Having been a teacher, I lined them up, each did an examination, and then I went along the line and asked each the same question - "Which testicle would you remove?" I'm happy to say they all gave the correct answer .... but more important than that, they learned something that just might save another guy's life in years to come.

And my, perhaps slightly-warped, sense of humour paid dividends a couple of days later. Surgery had gone perfectly, but my blood levels were too low to be allowed home. After an investigation I was taken back to theatre for a gastroscopy, a camera-down-the-throat job, and who was going to do it - the nice lady consultant with the eight students. I was treated like royalty! I was happily sedated throughout and didn't feel a thing.

There are always opportunities for humour, just because you are seriously ill doesn't mean you can't find something to laugh about!!!!

Re: Jokes

25 Jun 2008 16:51 in response to imabloke


ok, so here's my joke........

what did one pea say to the other pea?

PEAce man

yes i know, very poor! Silly

Re: Jokes

26 Jun 2008 20:38 in response to foxkin

here's todays hopeless attempt at humour

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy.

Re: Jokes

26 Jun 2008 20:41 in response to imabloke

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to

give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken

farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns

out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The

neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't

easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100


The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new

neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer

said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh,

I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens.

I'll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new

farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100

chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "what went wrong?

What did you do to them?"

Well, says the new farmer, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too

deep or not far apart enough."

Re: Jokes

26 Jun 2008 20:43 in response to imabloke

sexist joke alert!!!!


Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent

condition. £1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married

last month. Wife knows everything.

Re: Jokes

27 Jun 2008 11:31 in response to imabloke

You have all brightened my morning. I love a good chuckle, thank you.

My great Uncle Albert died at Custer's last stand.

He wasn't actually in it. He was camping near by & went over to complain about the noise.

Re: Jokes

27 Jun 2008 19:09 in response to imabloke


Re: Jokes

27 Jun 2008 19:10 in response to Lazybess


Re: Jokes

1 Jul 2008 15:28 in response to imabloke

why are pirates called pirates?


Re: Jokes

3 Jul 2008 16:54 in response to imabloke

I think its very important to try and keep fit.

My aunty used to run 5 miles a day when she was aged 60. She's 97 now and we haven't a clue where she is!!

Re: Jokes

4 Jul 2008 20:17 in response to msammon

LOL this page really cheers me up Grin

Re: Jokes

10 Jul 2008 09:06 in response to imabloke

Great stuff! I have a great friend who sent me jokes every day during my treatment via e-mail. I call him my Court Jester! I truly believe that laughter does one good. Here is a favourite...... A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a stunning looking woman. They say hi to each other and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics! He asks her about it and she replies,' This is a very interesting book. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?.........He drawled cooly.....'Tonto Jablowski, nice to meet you!' Keep laughing xx

Re: Jokes

10 Jul 2008 19:15 in response to hope&faithxx

ermmm i dont get it ?? Shocked