Its back

My wonderful husband was diagnosed with oesphageal cancer in August 2017 and he went through the ringer in terms of operations and treatments. He had a scan in April which was clear.  Yesterday we were given the devastating news its back and he has about 12 monthst to live if we can get the chemo to reduce the speed of the spread.  Less if not.

I am so scared.  We have been together for 33 years, don't have children and are everything to each other. I want to be positive and supportive but all I can do is cry and throw up.  I can't imagine my life without and I'm terrified that my lovely man will suffer horribly.  I want to run away but I know I can't.

Please tell me that these feelings will calm down and I can start thinking sensibly again soon.

Ruth x

  • Hi there sue, 

    Oh bless ya heart .. not heard from you for a while, so was hoping things were o.k ... this cancer really is crule .. and I know this sounds a hard thing to do .. but when I thought I had little time at the beginning, I just wanted to pack in as much good memories as l could .. I was determined to live every day I had and not waste even one .. 

    So many people go quickly with no warning of a heart attack, or stroke .. and like my mum did, I had no time even to say good bye .. you have time yet, to fill with as many memories as you can .. see if he wants to do something, go somewhere .. you can help him on this most difficult of journey we ever have .. if you can make this one year count, you'll look back and be glad you did .. l know it must be heartbraking ... but don't let this time go .. hold on to every day .. share tears, hugs, and say all what's in your hearts, even the difficult things need saying ..

    If you want to private message me again , I'll be there to listen, I know I can't take it away .. but you know we go back a way .. sending you a big Chrissie hug ... 

  • Ruth

    So sorry to hear your news about your husbands cancer.  I can understand it must be devastating and all the hurt and fear's are back.

    I think Chriss is right try and do what you can while you can.  No one knows what the future holds.

    River

  • Hi Ruth 

    I’m so sorry to hear your news. My husband was diagnosed with the same type of cancer on 31 January this year and died 7 weeks ago. He was half way through a 12 day course of radiotherapy which hopefully would have allowed them to operate. He was 46 years old and we had been together for 22 years. We have a 3 and 8 year old. I know what you are going through - cancer is so cruel. Just try to be strong and make the most of the good days xxx

  •  Thanks my darling, I have Inboxed you xxxx

  •  Thank you, Chris is always a comfort. 

    Take care x

  •  Thank you, I know I must try and get my head around this. I’m so sorry to hear your sad story.... cancer steals so many of our loved ones doesn’t it? It is less than two years since we lost my beautiful niece. 

     Please lean on me, if there is anything I can do to support you I will certainly try. 

    Ruth x

  • Ruth,

    Sorry I missed this post - sometimes the post on here come on so quickly. 

    I can only imagine the stress of it coming back and starting to grow again.

    Hopefully your feelings are starting to calm down again, though the worry and stress will inevitably remain. 

    Best wishes

    Dave

     

     

  • Hi Sue 

    It’s such a horrible time and no words anyone says will make it better . My partner was diagnosed in March of this year he was 47 and passed away at the beginning of this month . He fought it all the way took all the horrid treatments, the horrible chocking with mucous . Sadly in the end the cancer had spread throughout his body . He declined further chemo as it would only have given him 6 months at best. 

    I used to go for a drive in the car just crying my eyes out , throwing up, waking up in the night with pure fear and panic for the future . 

    We never talked about the end we just always said he would get through this . We had been together for 23 years and I could not even think about life without him . The end actually was very peaceful thankfully and was at home . He was out of pain and the end of life team were beyond amazing , I can’t say the same for the treatment he had elsewhere but that’s another story. 

    What i want to say is 4 weeks on it is still raw and obviously I still can’t believe this has all happened to us , but you can as I will get through this . Accept the help of others and give yourself time together even when you want to run away . I used to shout at my partner to not let it take him and not to give up and we’d be both get cross . This is totally normal as all you want is for him to get better .  It’s just as hard for us as we feel so helpless and just want to do something. 

    Just remember you will be ok no matter what and he would not want you to make yourself ill xxx 

  •  Hello my dear, I am so, so sorry to read your news. Isn’t it an absolutely awful, awful disease.  It destroys so many people, not just sufferers. 

     Very sadly Steve died at 4:30 AM on Sunday morning. He died at home, holding my hand and the last thing he did was smile.  We have 33 amazing years together and I loved him more  The day he died than at any other point  in our marriage. Two days before he died he took off his wedding ring and put it on my finger and asked me to keep it safe until we meet again. He told me not to be scared because he wasn’t, he told me to go and live the life we had planned for our retirement. I am heartbroken and the grief comes in waves but today, only three days on I feel calm, although I am not kidding myself, this is definitely the calm before the storm.  It is almost as if he is still here 

     I wish you so much love, and luck  on this road we are sharing. I am so sorry we are both going through this, I am so sorry that anybody has to go through this. 

     Take care of yourself, now is the time for us to look after ourselves. There is nothing more we can do for our men, Other than honour their memory by carrying their torches in our hearts always. 

    Xxx

  • Sue, what can I say?  I am so sorry; you knew it was coming but it must have been so hard to accept that this was the case and you were going to be left, bereft.  He died basking in your love and showing you his own love.  Please keep in touch at this rotten time.  I know nothing we can say will make it easier but at least be assured that we want to walk beside you as much as we can.  Don't look too far forward just get through the moment and the day.  Bless you, you have done so much to show your love and help Steve through this; the least we can do is try to prop you up.  Annie