It Will Get Better With Time....18 Jan 2023 21:14
Hi everyone, I lost my Mum to lung cancer nine months ago, she never smoked or drank or did anything really, just one day she started coughing and that was that, she didn't die of the cancer itself but of the treatment she got that wrecked her kidneys, she died somewhat peacefully compared to what would have happened if she had gone the full route - a blessing in disguise but still painful. I was in China during their lockdown so wasn't able to come home and say good bye to her, the last time I hugged and kissed her was in 2019.
I am in Peru now, in the small, beautiful town on the Pacific Ocean where my Mum was from and where she grew up - because it is the Southern Hemisphere here, it is summer and the weather is beautiful and warm daily. I am here as I was meant to place her ashes into the beach where she used to swim as a child but my Dad wanted to keep her ashes with him and now when he goes, I will take both of their remains to this place, a tranquil, peaceful place of beautiful, friendly people with 'vibra buena' good vibes. I cannot think of anywhere better and this will be the place where I will end up when it is my time to go.
It has been a hard nine months without her, but it seems she hasn't gone anywhere, it just seems she is still with us. I don't know how that transpired, it feels like when I speak to her she is listening, it feels that I know what advice she would give me if I ask her a question about a problem that is bothering me, it feels that she is here and I talk to her as that is the case, there have been many 'incidents' back home that have happened which sort of cements the case with me and my grieving father. It helps.
I am here in her hometown by myself but it doesn't feel that I am. I know I am lucky in a lot of ways I can afford to come here and do this and have this beautiful sunny weather, eat well and have all the good things - but I am here to spiritually grieve for my Mum in the place where she is from but I feel a stronger connection to her here and that I am not alone - I talk to her - in public - thankfully with the advent of those cordless headphones - nobody thinks you're a weirdo if you are talking to yourself (even if you aren't...) nobody pays me any attention and I am speaking to her in English, that also helps.
I am rambling on a bit here, I suppose all I am saying is that things do get easier, that I now know that she hasn't left us and that a holiday like this helps with the grieving process. Mum had a good life and now she is with her family and her family are all here with me or so it seems. Life has changed forever but if whoever you lost in your heart then they will never ever leave you. You will always have them around.
If you are going through this now, you have my sympathies and empathy and I wish you great strength. It does get easier, maybe not for everyone but I now know Mum is around. Thanks for reading.