Together we will beat cancer


Is this the end?

29 May 2019 15:28

my mum has lung cancer with brain liver nd lymph node mets. Everything has happened so quickly, we’re currently in our local hospice (transferred from hospital) for emotional support initially, but been here two weeks on Friday and her condition has deteriorated so quickly, she’s been asleep most of the time for past four days, when she wakes she speaks but like her tongue is too big for her mouth, she’s still with it, asking about family and still eating her breakfast lunch but straight back to sleep. Her swelling in her brain has caused a midline shift apparently... I’m scared... I just wanted to know what to expect if this is the end or when the end comes. Her symptoms have gotten seriously worse last four days? Legs swollen and weeping, pale skin, she looks so poorly xx

Is this the end?

30 May 2019 13:49 in response to Tillyj

Hi Tilly, 

your mother is advancing so quickly and I’m afraid it does sound like you will lose her soon. My own father has lung cancer so I share your feelings of fear and pain. Please spend as much time as you can with her. Is she in a syringe driver. The hospice nurses willknow best. My thoughts are with you. Lou 

Is this the end?

30 May 2019 16:48 in response to Greenslade

No syringe she’s not in pain. I think that’s when they do that isnt it? Thank you for your reply, I’m so frightened of the unknown , good luck with your father xxx

Is this the end?

30 May 2019 17:17 in response to Tillyj

Hi Tilly

I'm sorry that you're having to watch your mum go through this. How fortunate you are to be in hospice care with her so you have full support.  I lost my lovely husband at home almost 4 years ago to lung cancer when we were both 54. It's a very unforgiving disease.  The end of life is different for all of us and progresses differently. Neil was very restless for quite a number of hours before his passing.  He appeared to be "holding his own" until I gave him permission to go, telling him that we would be ok. He passed at home in our bed very quickly after being given permission.  Knowing what to expect (especially if you've not been with somebody during their final moments before) can be scary but in my experience it's the most natural thing in the world and such a privilage.  Don't be afraid to ask the hospice staff what you can expect.   In our case the Marie Curie nurses were on call and they did tell me that they wouldn't be surprised if Neil didn't make it through the night and they were right.   The hospice will keep her comfortable.  Hold her hand and speak with her in gentle soothing tones.  She will appreciate that you're there. 

Sending you much love 


Is this the end?

30 May 2019 20:40 in response to Inula

Thank you for your kind words. You were so young to lose your husband, I’m so sorry xxx I think because she is herself when she’s awake I think I still have time, but I feel the hospice nurses are acting very concerned and sympathetic... I just have an awful sinking feeling

Is this the end?

2 Jun 2019 13:06 in response to Tillyj

my dad died 2years ago it feels like yesterday stay with her hold her hand i felt lost when my dad  was ill he was my best freind i was sceard but hold on be strong you will make it i cryed alot in the bathroom that helped im thinking of you

Is this the end?

2 Jun 2019 17:03 in response to sky66

Thank you all, I was asked to go into family room with doctor and nurse and they talked of things changing and decline and how the body can only tolerate so much but I am I’m complete denial and shock, I’ve just had to ask my husband if he thinks I’ve just been told my mums going to die... he said yes... I feel I’m going mad I think it’s because this just cannot happen to me and my mum. She’s too precious and my world , how on earth they were speaking about syringe driver but she is not in pain and is just sleepy! I’m scared to death 

Is this the end?

2 Jun 2019 17:06 in response to sky66

I’m sorry for your loss of your dad xxx❤️

Is this the end?

16 Jun 2019 08:20 in response to Tillyj

I lost my beautiful mum last Sunday, thank you for everyone’s support on here. And my heart goes out to everyone still battling or watching their loved ones fighting this cruel disease. My only advice would be try to make your loved one feel as loved as possible and that’s all you can do to help, you are not helpless. In the end being loved is the only thing that matters. I will miss and cherish you forever mum xxxx