Hi Kim, unlike you, I decided from the onset that I was telling people (those close to me) that I had been diagnosed. I've never been one to keep things under cover when it wasn't necessary to do so. It has worked for me because I don't have to start explaining when I have treatments, surgeries, etc. that I'm unable to attend this or that function, or cancel plans at the last minute. In my years of growing up, families kept things private and for me, it just made things a whole lot worse when the news got out. I won't go into detail about what that was but it just didn't work to keep it under wraps. It isn't something I discuss in detail with all and sundry, and only family and close friends know all the details.

It will be interesting to know how others on the forum have handled this one. Thanks for posting.

Lorraine 

Hi Kim

Like Lorraine I told family and friends - got it out of the way if you like  - so that when people wanted to arrange things I could just say sorry I cant go its a treatment day - unfortunatly I missed my nieces wedding because of surgery and my uncles funeral because of radiotherapy (both events were not local).

I could also arrange round my treatment and my bad chemo days and everyone understood.

On the other hand If I was famous then I would not have told the wider world because I would not want the unwanted press intrusion which would probably have caused more stress to myself family and friends.  I know some in the public eye have announced their cancer but these are the ones who have had to cancel events or disapear from our screens.

Hi folks,

This is an interesting thread.

I had to eventually tell Mrs B as she was the one who made me go to my GP. Right from that first appiontment I was fairly sure I had prostate cancer but didnt want to tell Mrs B at that time. As each appiontment passed I sort of raised the warning level. Th worst day was when I had to tell her it had been confirmed as prostate cancer but she took it far better than I could have hoped for. We told the rest of the family at that point and I am so glad I did as I recieved so much help and support which made my journey so much easier.

A couple of years later Mrs B told me why she wasnt worried. She said, "You never let anything get you down and I just knew you would get over it". Womans Intuition. She knows me better than I do myself for when I take her out for a surprise car ride, she always knows where I am going to take her even before I have decided myself ha ha.

I agree with River's point about celebrtities.

Thank you Kim for starting this thread and to Lorrain and River for your contributions, Brian

Hi Kim 

i was very similar to you. I went for my appointments on my own and given the diagnosis I played it down to my family. I too didn't want to worry them, it was the beginning of the school summer holidays so my kids  and grandkids were looking forward to the summer. 

When the mastectomy date came I only told my kids. I don't have a parter so it was kept to a small amount  of people. When the chemotherapy started I went on my own and preferred it that way. 

Now that the treatment is finished I talk about it more, which I am comfortable with. I really don't know why I felt that way, maybe it was my way of protecting my family.

Interesting post. I can see why celebrities have kept it a secret. On the other hand my dad went to the doctors the beginning of October who told him there and then they thought he had cancer which he chose to share with us. He passed away 3 weeks later, 3 days after being diagnosed. My point is, he must of known how poorly he was (within reason) the months prior to it. Looking back he had so many excuses why he'd lost some weight, or why he couldn't do something. He was building a garage last year and hadn't finished tiling the roof and kept coming up with excuses why not, the wheelbarrow had a puncture, he thought it was going to rain when it was sunny! He'd lost weight because he stopped drinking beer. Whether it was denial or what all I can say is it hurt like hell that he went so quickly. It left no time to get your head around it. I know my mum hurts that he never said anything to her after being married over 40 years.

Hi Kim,

I comment from the other side of the fence so to speak as it was my husband who was diagnosed.  In the  beginning he told me he was having a private MOT through work (his boss told me he was sending him as he was having problems at work which he had  not shared with me).  He chose to go to all appointments up to and including diagnosis without taking me along but I think he felt he  needed to come to terms with things first before 'sharing'.  He came home on diagnosis day, told me what he could, broke down (together) and then told me he would not wish to tell others, once the children were told, but would rather leave that to me.  So from then on I was his 'informant' and kept people up to date. 

I think it all comes down to an individual's coping mechanism and I had a close friend who spent 23 yrs dealing with the cancer journey and she was open from day one.  A very interesting thread to start Kim.  Jules x

Hi Kim

since my cancer was only found whilst I was on the operating table and prior to going under I signed the consent form allowing them to contact my son after surgery and let him know good or bad.  Never for a minute thought it would be cancer, he knew before me. Good thing or bad thing? Well guess he could get to grips with it before facing me.

All turned out well and I've been open about it.  I can understand why people would want to keep it quiet though.

Strangely enough I went to chemo treatments (all of them) on my own.... Guess I felt more comfortable with that.

JB

Hi All

There is a good selection of viewpoints here, with hindsight I would have been open from the start, especially as I hurt my partner of nearly 40 years by trying to protect her from bad news, she took it as not having trust in her. Also people then know why you didnt turn up for that party, or dinner, or work and I was surprised just how many people helped me out with practical stuff.

I see on the BBC website this afternoon there is an article on this very same subject, you can read it here.

www.bbc.co.uk/.../uk-36130760

Kim

Hi kim,

really good question! I'm uncertain at the moment if I have cancer, however I haven't told everyone... I'm stubborn and head strong, but I don't want people pittying me, I think that's why only my husband and sisters know. I suppose I'm scared of actually saying it out loud, some how it makes the c word real? But like you say, what do you say to someone with cancer? Get well soon? I think it's one of those where everyone is different, but I pray one day they'll find the cure, so people don't have to suffer the misery it causes ! I hope you kick cancers butt ! 

Hi Leodon

I think thats a good point about not wanting pity. I do think it should be quite normal for people to wish cancer sufferers to "get well soon" because you can feel well at times throughout having cancer even if it can't be cured. I've had a second round of surgery and radiotherapy quite recently but today I've felt really good. I got up early did half a days work by 10:00 then finished, visited the Optitian, got new glasses (amazing), PM did a some gardening and made a curry for dinner. As normal as anyone elses day today, of course tomorrow may be totally different and I spend the whole day cream crackered sat in my chair. But it is good to educate others that you can have periods of leading a fairly normal life after a diagnosis of cancer. I hope that your diagnosis is not cancer but if it is, as you say we can kick cancers butt together. Thanks for your post. Kim