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Intimate relationships whilst living with cancer

15 Apr 2019 12:06

Hi everybody. This is a pretty sensitive subject and it's really personal for me but I'm hoping somebody can offer me a bit of advice. 

I'm 23 years old,  and nearly 4 months ago I was diagnosed with stage 2 Ewing's Sarcoma. I'm currently single but I spend a lot of time with my ex girlfreind (it's a long story but ever since we split up, we've stayed good freinds) . She told me the other day that she wants to get back with me and I didn't say yes but I also didn't say no. Part of me is ready for a relationship, but the other part of me thinks now really isn't the right time. 

I had to go to the hospital this morning to have some investigative tests done  (because for the last four weeks, my treatment hasn't shown any progress) and she picked me up, stayed with me, dropped me back home and we had some 'intimate moments' let's just put it like that. As much as I want to get back with her, I'm scared that she will want more and I can't give it to her. I really care about her, I always have done and I don't want to let her down. I'm always so tired, have a lot of pain and have awful sickness because of my treatment but I've got no energy for 'doing the deed'. 

Any advice would be appreciated Happy 

 

Intimate relationships whilst living with cancer

15 Apr 2019 12:17 in response to Beingme45

If I were you I'd tell her things might improve with you and she sounds like a very good friend to have around you don't really have any thing to loose and a lot to gain. Good wishes. 

Billy 

Intimate relationships whilst living with cancer

15 Apr 2019 13:44 in response to Beingme45

Hi there ...

Well you know loving someone, means being honest with them too .. and I'm sure if you really take time to listen to each other and say what's in your heart, and then listen to her ... there's lots if ways you can still feel close .. falling asleep with arms wrapped around you or her is wonderfull .. sitting watching t.v with her head on your lap, just holding hands ...

You know at 23, it must feel really sad when you should be in a far better place mentally and physically... but hay if you two can get through this, you can achieve anything ... she's probly doing her best to give you space and you her ... when in reality you need to walk the same path together ... think how you'd feel if it were reversed ... I'm sure you'd understand ...

Cancer needs truth or gentle honesty .. it's o.k for you both to be scared ... it's o.k to feel low ... it's also o.k to find something to make you both smile .. and if you let her in, you will have good times soon .. and here's to you kicking cancers ass right down the road, and feeling "normal" again in the future .. 

Sending you both a vertual hug ...  go on... what you've both got doesn't come along very often .. and you know hugs are the best thing we will always be able to receive ... Chrissie x

Intimate relationships whilst living with cancer

15 Apr 2019 14:13 in response to Billygoat

Hi there.  I have not much to add to the good advice given by Chrissie.  Really I would say it is important to not bottle up feelings; share your fears , hopes and whatever else is going through your mind so miscommunication does not build up.  And be honest.  Gently honest as the situation demands but be clear about what is going through your mind.    Really, this advice should apply to all relationships but sadly we have probably all been guilty at some times in our lives of holding things in our mind and that means worries can build up until it becomes impossible to resolve the issues without stress.    As long as you are both able to be clear with each other about what you would like and what you can or cannot compromise, then hopefully the way ahead will be clear.    Best wishes in all aspects of your life, health and relationships.  Annie

Intimate relationships whilst living with cancer

15 Apr 2019 14:38 in response to Annieliz

Hi everybody, thank you so much for replying. 

@billy goat ‍ - yes she is very special to me and this situation would make most people want to run for the hills and she hasn't done that, so I'm very lucky! 

@Chriss ‍ - thank you so much for your lovely reply. She's always been the girl for me and she's very special to me. I know she's just as scared as I am but she's here for me and I'm really grateful for that. Not many people my age know how to deal with any of this but we're gonna get through it together. 

@Annieliz ‍ - yes you are right, communication is the key! We have spoken about how we feel but I know that cancer doesn't just affect the person that is going through it, it also affects everyone around you too and that's what I've been most scared of.