Hi swiftgirl and welcome to the CC forum - I hope you find support and friendship here.  Like several others on the site, I too have a terminlal prognosis.  I have no idea when this will be because I am two years beyond my expected passing by the consultants/oncologists.

Like you, I truly do not know how you ever get your head around such things.  I feel exactly the same in that I have so many things to look forward to - grandchildren being born, retirement and travelling.  We have worked so hard all our lives and for the first time my husband was earning brilliant money and planning to put a nice nest=egg away for our retirement.  We wanted to travel a little and actually spend time together and enjoy helping our children out financially and with their children as they come along.

However, my husband has had to give up work so we now have no income and our savings are dwindling quickly.  I worry about how my husband will cope financially when I have gone as he has had to stop paying into his pension scheme and will now not be able to build his nest=egg, unless the end comes along sooner rather than later.

I am sure that many people do not feel ready to leave and you spend all your life waiting for retirement and dont actually ever get there.  It is heartbreaking for many families.

Well, I am not sure I have helped you whatsoever, except to let you know that you are not alone in your situation.  Please come and talk whenever you need and let us know how you are feeling.  Much love x

Hi max56. 

Thank you so much for replying. It is nice to chat with people who understand what I'm going through. I have thee best friends in the world but they don't know what to say most of the time & my poor fiance still believes a miracle will happen & I'll be healed. 

I wish you nothing but the best & the fact you are living long after the doctors said you would only goes to prove what I always say..... that doctors should never put a time on when anyone will die because only a much greater force can tell that for sure.

Take care & thanks again X 

Darling, I am heartbroken and sad for you as well.  Is there no other way for you to be fed?  I have had treatment for ovarian ca twice in the last few years, and I know a little of what you are feeling as I felt that way when first diagnosed, a very dark place indeed.  So much to do and see but not enough time left, but at least I have had a life - I am 71- unlike you, and I still had some hope.  Fortunately my treatment is holding it at bay for now, and I haven't yet been given a time limit, nor do I want to know.  Like Max, I don't know how I can help, really, I just wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you and ready to listen whenever you need to talk.

God bless.

Hazel xxx

Keep in touch and share how you are - good or bad x

I am so so sorry. I am 59 years old and have a brain tumor but I think i will make it. 

I have thought about dying a lot. In fact I thought about it so much that I figured out that it will happen now or later and for some reason I have become ok with that. 

Instead of thinking of the death as being sad, I finally was able to think of it as my goal, I have completed it. Now of course I can understand how thats a very hard way to think but to me the fact is true, and more than likely the fact is true for you also.

I don't think about the pain and what all of this is doing to me, because I'm not a doctor thats not my job, the doctor is doing his best to do his job and keep me going so i don't look at that anymore.

What I do think about however is all of the people I have meant in my life and all of the happiness I have had, and even the things that where so screwed up are now past and everything is alright now. I think about all of the men i did different things with and all of the women that i have meant in my life and the happiness I have had. 

Remember dear that the doctors goal is to do his best for you. There is nothing we can do about this except do exactly what he wants us to do. Thats all. We can not help him in this matter except do what he says, and we will do it, but remember we are not the doctors and they will do there best.

Instead think about everything else that you have been though. Has there been someone that you haven't seen in years and years that you can look up on facebook and say hello too. If you ever had big huge arguements with them, don't contact them, who cares. Only people that may welcome a hello. Is the best band in your life playing somewhere, have you man take you to see it. 

Death is so very funny, and so very close. Even though i may not look at god as everyone else does, i do realize that this is just a miracle that we where able to do this. i mean, its amazing, me and you talking right now, the whole entire everything being able to be alive and breath for so many years. We as humans have had a wonderful gift, no no no, it's way way more than a gift, it's a word that hasn't even been made up yet.. wonderful, peaceful, incredible, when we look into the planets around us, we have had everything. We are so lucky we have time to talk.. 

It may be over, but Im so glad i participated, and glad i meant you.. Good night and have the sweetest lovelyist dreams.. xoxoxo

Hi Hazel

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so glad for you that your treatment is holding the disease at bay right now. Long may that continue. Unfortunately I know my time will be a matter of weeks as I cannot feed. Although they've said because I'm 46 my heart is strong & will probably keep me alive longer. 

I suppose it would be easier if I could just lie down go to sleep & not wake up. It's the period between now & then that can be daunting as I don't know what to expect. They've already put a drug in my driver which makes me calm but also sleepy. 

Anyway thanks again for replying. I wish you all the best 

X

Hazel

Ps feeding me through the picc line with tpn feed was the only way as my bowel hasn't worked in months.  And they believe the feed is causing the horrific vomiting. They also said normally they would never have given me the feed as the disease is killing me & there's no operation I can have. And usually that's what the feed is used for. For people who need built up before an op. 

They certainly haven't offered to feed me any other way as I know they feel they are only prolonging the inevitable. 

:-( 

Thank you max I will x

Danny

Thank you so much for your reply. It meant a lot.  I agree life is amazing. But that's what makes it harder for me to accept it's over, well this part on earth anyhow. Unfortunately I'm not well enough to leave hospital let alone go to see a band. But I like your thinking. 

I recommend a book by Anita Moorjani called Dying to be Me. She was dying of cancer & had a Near Death Experience & describes where she went to & how she was actually given the choice of coming back into her cancer ravaged body, which she did, & she was healed. But according to what she describes we certainly do not have anything to fear. 

Thanks again for your reply. Good luck & best wishes for everything.

X 

Sweetheart, I am so sorry.  I hope you didn't think I was in some way 'gloating' by telling you my own situation, I would never want to do that, I just wanted you to know how sad I feel for you and that I am thinking of you.  Printed words cannot convey my true feelings, unfortunately.  I just wish I could give you lots of hugs, that's all I can say.  

My love and thoughts are with you.

Hazel xxx