Together we will beat cancer

Donate

I lost my dad to cancer

16 Oct 2021 02:36

Hello I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer last march. Iam not coping I feel so upset I miss my dad so so much I feel lost without him I think about him every single day. I cant sleep I feel so empty and a constant sadness it won't go away. It's been 17 months since my dad passed and I feel like it was yesterday every single day My dad was only 58 and up until his diagnosis he was as fit as a fiddle hes never been to a doctor all of his adult life. He got his diagnosis of his pancreatic cancer and within 4 weeks he was gone it all happened so fast one minute he was fine and the thing he was gone I didnt have time to take it all in. Then because of the covid pandemic my dads funeral took place a few days after we went into lockdown. There was only 10 of us at my dads funeral it felt so wrong that all his family and friends couldn't be there and they were watching my dads funeral through a live feed no one deserves a funeral like that A funeral is when all your loved friends and family should be there to comfort each other. But my dad and so many others didn't get the funeral where everyone was there together .  I felt so alone at my dads funeral standing 2 meters away from my brothers and sisters. Even though we were there it just felt so strange and different. I dont know what to do I feel so upset and angry I miss my dad I just want him back   is there anyone on here that could help me. Thank you 

I lost my dad to cancer

17 Oct 2021 17:50 in response to nicola123451

Hello nicola123451

I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad passed away last year. Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating and for many people, the grieving process has been made so much harder because of the Covid pandemic. 

I'd encourage you to reach out to an organisation called Cruse who are able to offer bereavement support or to contact Sue Ryder who have an online bereavement forum and support services available.

You've made the first steps in reaching out for help by posting here in the Cancer Chat community. I'm sure that having some professional bereavement counselling will help you to move forwards in your journey through grief. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator  

I lost my dad to cancer

19 Oct 2021 15:16 in response to Moderator Jenn

Hi Nicola, I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. My experience was very similar to yours, my dad was incredibly fit and healthy and died a month after his pancreatic cancer diagnosis also. It's absolutely horrendous - you can't even have your head wrapped around the diagnosis before they are gone. My dad died just before COVID so I can't imagine the heartbreak of having a restricted funeral also. I will say that even at a "normal" funeral I still felt completely disconnected and alone. The whole thing felt like watching a movie and I Just wanted to go back to real life.

It's been 2 years for me and truthfully I still miss my dad every single day ( if not every hour). But I started bereavement Counselling a few months ago which helped - although not to the extent I thought it would. I definitely recommend trying it though. I also set up an email address for my dad and I send him updates, it makes me feel connected to him. I also have a photo of him where I light a candle and chat to him some evenings - and some evenings I yell at the photo or cry at the photo - I just try to express some feelings no matter what they are.

grief is a horrible journey, it's heartbreaking and exhausting. Wishing you strength and here to chat if you ever feel like it.