Together we will beat cancer


I feel so lost without my brother

14 Apr 2019 15:16

Hi everybody. 

My brother passed away nearly 6 months ago, he had AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia) and he was only 21. He found out in Feb 2017 and he was ill for 20 months. Throughout his journey I was with him every step of the way, so were the rest of our family. I went to all of his treatment sessions with him, consulant appointments, was there with him every time he had to have an operation, I was there through it all. I have a lot of painful, horrible memories of him and just the way he was. Espeically in the last few weeks of his life. 

I just miss him so much and even more than I ever thought I would. Nothing is the same without him and I just feel so lost. Losing anybody is hard but losing your sibling is completly different. Losing him has just left a huge hole in my life. I'm one of three, my sister is the oldest, I'm the middle child and my brother was the youngest. It's been so hard for me to get used to just having my sister around, as much as I love her, I hate it just being the two of us, becasue our whole lives our brother has been with us. 

I've  never felt pain like this in my life, I can't even describe it. I think about him every day and he always get brought up in conversation, one way or another. I really try to think of all of the happy memories and happy times that I had with him but all I can think of is the way he was and the person that the cancer made him into. 

It's been nearly 6 months and the pain is still as bad now as it was when he first passed away. I've been to berevement counselling to help me deal with it and I'm currently going to regular counselling because I've got  cancer myself. It's just a lot to deal with and the one person that I want and need to be around, isn't here. 

Will this pain ever stop? 

I feel so lost without my brother

15 Apr 2019 23:53 in response to Beingme45


I lost my mum last September to Myleofibrosis and I am close to my brother so I understand some of what you must be feeling, so sorry for your loss. And to also have the horrible disease that is cancer yourself must be so difficult to cope with, you're much more brave than I could ever be. 

i am not sure what to say, only that the pain will get easier to bear, cliche as it sounds, time is a healer, we will always miss our loved ones, I don't think that will ever go but the pain will be less.

I hope that the counselling will help and wishing you all the very best with your own cancer treatment and recovery. This forum has helped me, I hope it also helps you.

Take care


I feel so lost without my brother

16 Apr 2019 07:39 in response to Linda63

Hi, thank you so much for your lovely reply. 

Yes losing my brother has been very hard, but as you say time is a great healer. Yes having cancer myself has been very difficult to cope with but I couldn't get through it without my friends or family. They have been a huge support to me but it's been a lot for them to deal with too as we are all still coming to terms with my brother being gone. 

Yeah this forum has been brilliant and everyone that I've spoken to has been lovely and so supportive. 

Take care