Honey you need to go see your doctor or you are going to gt ill yourself through holding in this grief and stress, you need to see a grief specialists for therapy. sending love your way xx

You need to be able to talk. If family and friends can’t/won’t allow you to then you need medical help. I’m not allowed to talk about my cancer to anyone and ended up with a psychologist who lets me get everything out in our sessions. It doesn’t cure anything, it doesn’t make the pain go away, but it is probably the only thing keeping me sane and you sound as though that is what you need too.

Hi Sez

Sorry that you are here xx 

I also lost a parent to lung cancer that was widely spread by the time it was diagnosed. I completely understand everything you have said in your post. 

Wow...it really has been full on for you since your Dad was diagnosed and also since he sadly passed away. To do just one of those things is stressful...it’s no wonder you’re not feeling well. You have been under incredible pressure.....feeling overwhelmed, stressed, tight, anxious and suffocated is quite a normal reaction to all of that. 

From my experience....that knot will most certainly go....however....I think you really will need to start taking it easy, Sez. For example, starting with not being the strong one if you’re really not feeling it....allowing yourself to be unhappy, sad or whatever you feel the need to mask...after all, that would be understandable considering your huge loss xx I talk from experience....masking everything cannot be sustained xx

Also....the last thing you need right now is you being mean to yourself.....and so I would be inclined to believe your partner in that your boys enjoyed Christmas. I wonder if you could afford yourself some more compassion with this...xx tell yourself you haven’t let anyone down...you did you’re best under very difficult circumstances (and even then, your boys still enjoyed themselves) xx 

I didnt go to see my Mum in the chapel of rest and now regret not going...I wish I would have gone xx I understand it would have been hard at first...(I note you say you feel sick) but...now I’m a few years on from losing her, I wish I hadn’t been strong enough to go...I think it wouldn’t have helped me on the process. 

I too was haunted by the last few weeks of Mum’s life, playing the same things over and over but....the intensity of those memories fade over the months and years and now I’m left with happy memories of my Mum....I rarely think about the bad stuff....it doesn’t hurt to think about her and any memories bring me great comfort (how funny.....as I was just typing this to you then, I can hear the tinkering of her bracelets (she worse several at all times) and I got a whiff of her perfume. Not overly spiritual/religious at all.....but I choose to interpret these moments as a sign that all is well!) 

I agree with the other guys who have posted in that finding a safe place where you can talk is crucial for your recovery. As well as chatting to your GP who will be able to help you with that ...you’re welcome here any time you need to let off some steam xx this is a safe and non judgmental space...xx 

If you’re in the UK, IAPT services (one to google in your area) (which include NHS talking therapies) might offer services you can self refer to without having to see your GP (although...waiting lists can be long, they may be able to offer you support in other ways in the meantime). The Samaritans are also great if you need to talk, get things off your chest or just wish to be listened to xx 

Please let us know how you’re getting on xx

Thank you for your replies.

i know people here have or are suffering the way I am and it is a huge support to me.

im in wales and had a look but I don't think talking therapies is available to us here so fear I may need to make a go appointment.

i do have support through work but that's a monthly one to one that seems to be causing me more trauma at the moment.

i tried talking to my partner tonight but he just doesn't understand and always brings the conversation around to him and his feelings (he lost his dad 15 years ago). I know he's trying but he just doesn't understand how or what I'm trying to say at the moment.

im really trying to act normal and get on with things for the sake of my family as I'm the strong one everyone relies on...I just hope I can get through the next few weeks. 

Hi try your local hospice they usualy have councillors i dont know about wales ime having it but you have to keep at it and want to be helped you may find bereavent support group might help you will get to chat to people who do understand what your feeling theres mcmillan helpline if you give them a ring they should be able to help when i lost my partner i didnt know about all this help i had to go and find it but i do hope you can get help the strongest of us need help and talking is the best therapy and the thing is the councilors dont try and change the subject or turn it round so please try these numbers are on the internet and they are free numbers even from mobiles also come and chat to us best wishs paul