Hi there ...

Please don't take that literally ... chemo and radiotherapy wipe people out ... as hard as it is for you, caring for your husband .....it takes so much to go through this treatment ... it makes people say and act differently ... no matter how hard it is for carers, no one is prepaired for those words "you have cancer" it turns our lives upside down... and yes in a perfect world, we would always be greatfull to those we love ..

But when you go through that treatment, the world doesn't seem fare ... if you could let words go over your head, I'm sure later on he'll be back to his old self ... I don't think wer ever the same as we were before ... but with understanding, we can come through ... Chrissie. ..  

Hi again ...

I read back on your earlier threads ... you have been going through this for a long time, and I think there's only so much you can do before it becomes overwhelming ... you have been so supportive, and caring about everyone ... you havnt given yourself the care you give everyone else ...

You need to be kind to you now .. I'm sure councilling would help, as you seem to be alone in this ... and we all need a shoulder to lean on ... please look on Marie Currie web page ... they help people and carers where there's a terminal diagnosis ... I'm sure they could help ... you really do need a friend right now ..

I hope @Jolomine picks your thread up again,  as i see shes  helped you before . Please hold on . 

Chrissie xx

Hi Friday,

Maybe walking out of the house is exactly what is required, if only to mitigate the risk of a murder being committed! 

In these sort of situations you can laugh, cry, lose your temper or walk off. 

Don't apologise for venting, that's what we're here for!

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Friday,

I am so sorry to see you struggling between caring for your husband and supporting your daughter and son-in-law with his cancer.

I am not at all surprised at your anger after your husband's remark. I fully agree with what Chrissie has said about cancer changing us. Can I say that, as a cancer patient, we sometimes become very self-obsessed and do not see the concerns of our nearest and dearest?

 I suspect that this is why your husband responded as he did, in that he possibly looked at himself as having something to be depressed about because he has been through so much, whereas, in his eyes, you do not have cancer and therefore have nothing to be depressed about – Little does he know what you are going through.

There is also a possible sense of jealousy with your son-in-law, in that he sees himself as your prime concern and is upset that your son-in-law and daughter are naturally getting attention from you, when he feels that he should be  the focus of all of your attention.

Logic just doesn't come into it. What he has missed is the fact that cancer affects not just the patient, but his entire family and, it seems as if he is unaware of the heartache caused to you by your son in law's position as well as that of your husband.

I have been in this position myself in the early days of diagnosis, where I have said the wrong thing, only to have it misinterpreted by my family and, cause all sorts of ill will totally unintentionally. Sometimes I have said something, knowing full well that I shouldn’t be saying it, but I just couldn’t stop myself from saying it.

I know that it is asking a lot, but I do hope that you can overlook your husband's crassness and put it down to self-interest rather than anything else. We can all become selfish at times and, although it is hard to accept this given your son-in-law's position, please put it down to the effects of cancer and self-pity, rather than anything else.

You have put all you have into supporting your husband all along his cancer journey and, I am sure that in his better moments he is fully aware of this. Given time and patience, he will eventually get back to his old self.

Don’t forget that we are all here for you to vent whenever you need to.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you all for your kind words I just tidied up after dinner last night and went to bed as I did not want it to become a full blown argument This time of year is not helping HI HO ITS ANOTHER DAY see what kind of mood he gets up in today THANK YOU AGAIN

Bless you Friday. It’s like being in a pressure cooker. It builds and builds then it blows. Same here the other night. I had a massive row with my husband about the kids’ Xmas list of all things. (You’re right, the time of year brings added stresses!). Plates and cups were thrown on both sides, which I’m ashamed to say felt quite therapeutic.

My husband shouted that it was all about me and the remark struck me because yes it is and I hate it. It’s so hard for partners who have to pick up all the pieces. Nobody asks how he’s doing or offers any support. I’m trying to be more mindful of this now and also help him connect with other dads in the same situation. 

Once it’s blown over I hope you can talk to clear the air xx