3 weeks ago my mother became extremely unwell. Her doctor had let her down, and other certain medical professions.
My husband and myself had to drive to my mum's home over a 2 hour drive, to take her to the hospital.
I arrived to my mother's home to a barely unrecognizable mum. She could barely walk. She was incoherent. She had not ate in over a week, and barely had any fluid intake. My mother had been incontinent. She barely recognised me.
We called for an ambulance as at the time her doctor suspected a stroke, and we knew it was important to get her help immediately. They came and went. They sa8d it was life threatening and would send for a non emergency ambulance, which could take 4 hours to arrive. 5 hours later, no show.
I was worried sick. Enough was enough.
We drove my mum to the hospital ourselves.
As soon as we got to the hospital they got mum booked in and in A&E within the hour.
The staff at the hospital were just amazing.
They got mum to a bed. Done all the tests under the sun there and then.
We had booked a hotel to be near her and go back to her in the morning.
The next day, mum had been moved to a ward. We were waiting upon a doctor to come and dicuss the MRI, bloods and X-ray.
The doctor finally arrived to give us the worse news possible.
Mum has an aggressive Gliomastoma primary brain tumor. My Mum has cancer, not a stoke. Cancer. I can't believe what I'm hearing. But somehow from the results I had worked out that's what is was. But nothing still prepared me for those words.
They had now moved mum to another ward, by now they had her on steroids and drip and tramadol. I could slowly see my mum returning.
Mum had more tests done and had confirmed the previous results. But the doctor had now told us there's nothing they can do for her. There's no treatment that can help now.
We have now learned that my mum has 6 to 12 weeks.
My heart is absolutely breaking apart. It's screaming inside. It feels like someone is ripping it out from my chest. My head is constantly racing with constant questions and worried. It feels numb but the constant heading keeps me here and now. I sleep but it's a restless sleep.
Why? Just why is this happening to my mum. She's still young. She should have many more years on this earth. Life has been so cruel to her already, now this. My mother is being taken from me.
I'm trying to be so strong, and be there for my family. To comfort them and sort things out at the same time.
In the mean time my brother is a recovering alcoholic who had relapsed ànd been drinking 7 days straight which hes liver cant barely take tried taking hes life.
I called the ambulance service which in the end took two hours to attend to my brother as we had called the police, (who did nothing) before with concern for he's safety. And phoned my brother to try and keep him awake until services reached him.
He was taken to the hospital at this point we were back home. And unable to get to him. No one to get to my brother as our family is miles away. I was told the nurse would call me within 2 hours or in the morning. I had 2 to 3 hours sleep and was driving back to the hospital to meet with the palliative care nurse.
I was just so devasted and so damn angry. How could he be so selfish. I know he's hurting, but we all are.
Within a week my whole life had been turned upside down.
I just don't know how to cope with all of this.
I had to tell mum she had cancer, she kept asking what was going on. No One telling her. But she has been so confused she kept forgetting. This was so hard to tell my mum she's dying. To see the pain on her face. All the time she's worrying about my brother, and everyone else.
I have also been trying to move mum nearer to us and and find a nursing home. This has been a complete nightmare and stress. Nobody knows nothing. Information not being passed on. People making promises then letting us down.
Family constantly asking me questions, answering calls and texts. Phoning relatives to inform them about mum. It goes on.
One bit of good news we had today, the beautiful nursing home I wanted for my mother has accepted her admission and should be moved down by the end of the week. My mum is on a fast track, which sounds bloody awful, like a postal service. So they are booking a ambulance for her to be moved as soon as possible. But the discharge nurse has not answered our calls or emails has not organised nothing.
This is their job. How complicated can it be. They are meant to be there to help us, all they are doing is adding me extra stress. I just want my mum near me.
I have the worry of my brother being left alone miles away with the risk of him drinking again, and worse of all could attempt to takes he's life again. All whilst trying to come with the term of lm going to lose my mum.
My head is a mess. I'm a mess. I'm at a loss. I don't want to loose my mum.
My husband is a incredible man. I love him to bits. But sometimes I feel he's not there for me though he would be sat beside me.
I know it's hard for him to. I just need someone to listen to me. To help me. Just be there for me. I know he is. But I feel so alone.
My mum has good and bad days. She has confusion. We lost my other brother in 2006 to severe heart disease. Mum has been asking where he is and If I'm seeing him later.
It breaks my heart. I don't want to keep telling her he's passed.
Today she's down and low. We have also got mum on a anti depressent to help lift her mood a bit. She's really tired today. I can hear it in her voice. She's slowly diteriating. There nothing I can do.