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I am losing my Mum.

14 Mar 2018 22:51

3 weeks ago my mother became extremely unwell. Her doctor had let her down, and other certain medical professions. 

My husband and myself had to drive to my mum's  home over a 2 hour drive, to take her to the hospital. 

 I arrived to my mother's home to a barely unrecognizable mum. She could barely walk. She was incoherent. She had not ate in over a week, and barely had any fluid intake. My mother had been incontinent. She barely recognised me. 

We called for an ambulance as at the time her doctor suspected a stroke, and we knew it was important to get her help immediately. They came and went. They sa8d it was life threatening and would send for a non emergency ambulance, which could take 4 hours to arrive. 5 hours later, no show. 

I was worried sick. Enough was enough. 

We drove my mum to the hospital ourselves. 

As soon as we got to the hospital they got mum booked in and in A&E within the hour. 

The staff at the hospital were just amazing. 

They got mum to a bed. Done all the tests under the sun there and then. 

We had booked a hotel to be near her and go back to her in the morning. 

The next day, mum had been moved to a ward. We were waiting upon a doctor to come and dicuss the MRI, bloods and X-ray.  

The doctor finally arrived to give us the worse news possible. 

Mum has an aggressive Gliomastoma primary brain tumor. My Mum has cancer, not a stoke. Cancer. I can't believe what I'm hearing. But somehow from the results I had worked out that's what is was. But nothing still prepared me for those words.

They had now moved mum to another ward, by now they had her on steroids and drip and tramadol. I could slowly see my mum returning. 

Mum had more tests done and had confirmed the previous results. But the doctor had now told us there's nothing they can do for her. There's no treatment that can help now. 

We have now learned that my mum has 6 to 12 weeks. 

My heart is absolutely breaking apart. It's screaming inside. It feels like someone is ripping it out from my chest. My head is constantly racing with constant questions and worried. It feels numb but the constant heading keeps me here and now. I sleep but it's a restless sleep. 

Why? Just why is this happening to my mum. She's still young. She should have many more years on this earth. Life has been so cruel to her already, now this. My mother is being taken from me. 

I'm trying to be so strong, and be there for my family. To comfort them and sort things out at the same time. 

In the mean time my brother is a recovering alcoholic who had relapsed ànd been drinking  7 days straight which hes liver cant barely take tried taking hes life. 

I called the ambulance service which in the end took two hours to attend to my brother as we had called the police, (who did nothing) before with concern for he's safety. And phoned my brother to try and keep him awake until services reached him.

He was taken to the hospital at this point we were back home. And unable to get to him. No one to get to my brother as our family is miles away. I was told the nurse would call me within 2 hours or in the morning. I had 2 to 3 hours sleep and was driving back to the hospital to meet with the palliative care nurse. 

I was just so devasted and so damn angry. How could he be so selfish. I know he's hurting, but we all are. 

Within a week my whole life had been turned upside down. 

I just don't know how to cope with all of this. 

I had to tell mum she had cancer, she kept asking what was going on. No One telling her. But she has been so confused she kept forgetting. This was so hard to tell my mum she's dying. To see the pain on her face. All the time she's worrying about my brother, and everyone else. 

I have also been trying to move mum nearer to us and and find a nursing home. This has been a complete nightmare and stress. Nobody knows nothing. Information not being passed on. People making promises then letting us down. 

Family constantly asking me questions, answering calls and texts. Phoning relatives to inform them about mum. It goes on.

One bit of good news we had today, the beautiful nursing home I wanted for my mother has accepted her admission and should be moved down by the end of the week. My mum is on a fast track, which sounds bloody awful, like a postal service. So they are booking a ambulance for her to be moved as soon as possible. But the discharge nurse has not answered our calls or emails has not organised nothing. 

This is their job. How complicated can it be. They are meant to be there to help us, all they are doing is adding me extra stress. I just want my mum near me. 

I have the worry of my brother being left alone miles away with the risk of him drinking again, and worse of all could attempt to takes he's life again. All whilst trying to come with the term of lm going to lose my mum. 

My head is a mess. I'm a mess. I'm at a loss. I don't want to loose my mum. 

My husband is a incredible man. I love him to bits. But sometimes I feel he's not there for me though he would be sat beside me. 

I know it's hard for him to. I just need someone to listen to me. To help me. Just be there for me. I know he is. But I feel so alone. 

My mum has good and bad days. She has confusion. We lost my other brother in 2006 to severe heart disease. Mum has been asking where he is and If I'm seeing him later. 

It breaks my heart. I don't want to keep telling her he's passed. 

Today she's down and low. We have also got mum on a anti depressent to help lift her mood a bit. She's really tired today. I can hear it in her voice. She's slowly diteriating. There nothing I can do. 

Re: I am losing my Mum.

14 Mar 2018 23:26 in response to Myheartisbreakinv

Hi, my heart breaks reading your story I’m so sorry for your terrible news. 

 

I know how you are feeling and hope you can find some comfort knowing others understand your feelings.  All you can do is spend as much time with your mum as possible and tell her everything you feel you need and want to say.

That is the only positive I got from finding out my mum had 4 weeks to live.  I wrote her a letter and sat with her everyday and although it was hard watching her deteriorate I’m glad I did it!  This is your mum.. spend all the time you can that’s all you can do. 

 

Im so so sorry xxxxxx

Re: I am losing my Mum.

14 Mar 2018 23:43 in response to Xxmichaela28xx

Thank you. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother to.

I do try and spend every minute I can with her, we drive up when we can. I call when I can. 

I'll just be glad when she's here near us, and I'm 5 minutes away. It's the hospital stopping that now. 

That's a beautiful idea with the letter you wrote. 

I wanted to do this also, but I don't think my mum will understand now. I did sit with my mum and told her how much I love her and how wonderful she is, and what a wonderful job she has done bringing up 4 children on her own. This was on a good day. She understood. So I'm glad I had the opportunity to tell her things I want to. 

It breaks my heart seeing so many people on here also suffering. It's such a terrible disease. 

Thank you for your comforting words. 

It means a lot. Xx

Re: I am losing my Mum.

15 Mar 2018 00:29 in response to Xxmichaela28xx

I just wanted to wish you my deepest sympathy. I didn't want to just exhume. But I saw your post. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for replying to my post when your hurting so much yourself. 

As I saw it will be your birthday soon. Mine will also be in June. My 40th. I fear my mum won't hear hear to celebrate it with me. 

I often spoke with my mum on the phone sometimes twice a day. To now not receive those calls does not feel right. 

Life is so cruel. 

But your mum will be watching down upon you. She will never leave you, she lives in your heart. 

Sending you strength and hugs. X

 

Re: I am losing my Mum.

15 Mar 2018 17:31 in response to Myheartisbreakinv

Thanks, it is really difficult and I think these chats help because the conversations are with people who can really relate.  

It’s so tough isn’t it. I hope you get to see your birthday out with your mum here I really do.. Sad 

That used to make me so sad knowing that I would never hear mums voice again it’s just so so sad isn’t it.  But we must stay strong as they would want us to try find happiness. 

Thanks for your reply xxx

Re: I am losing my Mum.

15 Mar 2018 21:09 in response to Xxmichaela28xx

Hi. It is so heart breaking. And I know its going to get so much harder. 

Thank you. I Hope so to. It's also my mum's birthday real soon to. I just hope we can celebrate it together. 

Me and mum would chat nearly everyday on the phone. Not having mum call me breaks my heart. I just wish I had picked up the phone more. I miss the calls already. I do call her. But she gets really confused now and so tired. The calls are very brief. 

Tomorrow my mum is finally being moved down and going to a beautiful nursing home. So she will be only a 5 minute drive away. So at least I can visit her and talk to her face to face. 

I am trying to stay strong but it's so hard. When I'm with her, I try not to cry in front of her. I make an effort to try and make mum laugh and be happy around her. I believe if she sees me happy it will be more easy on her. 

I'm also here if you want to chat. Your the only one who approached me. 

So thank you. Xxx

Re: I am losing my Mum.

10 Jul 2018 18:03 in response to Xxmichaela28xx

Hi. It's been a while since i came on. 

My Mum lost her fight  to cancer on the 16th of April, shortly after her 73rd birthday.  

I'm so grateful for the time I was able to spend with her, even though it was very short. 

I was go to see her everyday, from 10 to 8pm at night. I would sit there Even while she slept. I didn't want to leave. 

We did talk, and we laughed. I managed to get some beautiful photos of her and one video of her telling me she loves me. 

She had deteriated so quickly. Her second week there at the home, mum took herself for a walk early hours and fell and smacked her head quite badly. She had black eyes and a large lump. She also vomited from the fall. After this she slept for days. But when she woke she couldn't really speak. She couldn't walk. I think the fall was the last straw.  Shortly after she wasn't eating well. Then a week after she stopped. One day I was putting face cream on her and she winced. But I couldn't understand why. The next day her whole right side of her face and neck had swollen. The doctor said that it was the tumour causing it. 

It was awful seeing mum in that condition. She didn't look like my mum. The image is still in my head. I knew it would not be long. 3 days after this. The nurse phoned me to tell me mums breathing had increased and to come. I got there at 4.30am. Mum had passed 4.25am. I wanted to be there for her. But now, I'm glad I didn't see mum pass. This would have broke me even more. 

We had mums funeral on the 11th of may. It almost turned out beautiful for her. I also made a huge double ended spray wreath to follow on in her footsteps as she use to love making flower arrangements. 

I cried and cried, I've cried until the point off I can't cry. I still have my moments. 

I miss my mum so much. I still wait for my phone to ring, or I want to call her and share something with her, but I can't. I know she's passed, but I still think she's hear. 

One of her wishes I promised I would do is to bury her ashes with her mum. I did. Also this was the first time I saw my nans grave, as we did not know where she was burried. So it was a double emotional day. But now they are together. 

Shortly after mum passed I felt her around. But since I placed her with nan, nothing. I believe she's at piece now and happy. So I'm happy for her. 

Thank you so much for your kind message when I needed it. 

I hope your well and not alone in your grief. 

I'm luckily enough to off had support. Which many people don't. 

So thank you again. And take care of yourself. 

Tina. Xx

Re: I am losing my Mum.

11 Jul 2018 22:44 in response to Myheartisbreakinv

I'm so sorry you have lost your beloved mum. It must have been so hard to lose her so quickly and to see her go through so much suffering in such a short period of time.

I lost my mom May 18th and understand so well how hard it is. I'm glad you have had support, it really makes everything so much easier to cope with. Without it, I can't even imagine. 

Missing the phone calls is one of the hardest things. Not being able to pick up the phone and tell her things. I myself personally haven't even gotten over the shock. I'm not sure how long it take before it's real. 

Wishing you continued strength and support. All the best.

Re: I am losing my Mum.

11 Jul 2018 23:02 in response to Myheartisbreakinv

On behalf of the Cancer Chat team, we are so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to come back and let us know the sad news. We're all here for you anytime you need to talk to someone like @Serapine8 ‍ who knows exactly how you are feeling at the moment.

Warm wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator