Cancer Research UK on Google+ Cancer Research UK on Facebook Cancer Research UK on Twitter

Let's beat cancer sooner

Re: Husband died yesterday

8 Mar 2018 20:56 in response to JeannieC

Hi JeannieC, sorry it's taken so long to reply to your wonderfully honest post, I can identify with every word you write. I feel like I'm walking around with a bucket on my head. I don't really want to see other people, apart from our grown up children. What really hurts is that it's so final, he's really  gone, he died 11days ago, but honestly I think I'm only just coming to terms with the fact that he's not coming home. All the arrangements are done, and I'm working through the financials and practical things. It's surprising how a much there is to do when someone dies. The funeral is not until next Thursday and we're all dreading that. It's lovely that you've taken the time to respond to me when you're suffering too. I'm thinking of you too. Sending hugs tonyou. Sheila

Re: Husband died yesterday

8 Mar 2018 21:12 in response to JeannieC

Hi Jeannie, I did reply to your lovely post and I thought I'd posted it properly but I don't see it on the site. Your post was so lovely I identified with every word and felt your pain. I feel as if I've got a bucket on my head , nothing makes sense and although Dave died 11 days ago, I feel it's only just sinking in that he's never coming home. It's so final. I know that sounds obvious and hope you don't think I'm nuts!! I don't really want to see other people, only our grown up children, of course they're suffering too. I've been trying to keep busy with practical arrangements, there's so much to do isn't there Jeannie? But the funeral isn't till next Thursday, how were going to get through that I've got no idea. I thought your post to me was deeply touching and I really appreciate your kindness to me when you're in so much pain yourself. Thanks again Jeannie. Sending support and hugs to you. Sheila

Re: Husband died yesterday

9 Mar 2018 09:47 in response to smt352
To sheila So sorry My mum died on 21/2/18 from pancreatic cancer her funeral was on Tuesday I cant accept she’s gone and I am closing it all out I know this probably isn’t wise but it’s the only way for now and I need to be there for my dad I don’t want closure and as such didn’t want to go to the funeral despite arranging most of it.i read loads of websites about people who didn’t go to loved ones funerals and could totally identify with them. I went in the end for my dad as I said my good byes in the hospice and somehow I managed to get through it.i even laughed with people at the celebration of her life afterwards. I know I’m in denial but you’ll get through the day in whatever way is best for you

Re: Husband died yesterday

9 Mar 2018 21:30 in response to smt352

Hi Sheila

I don't think you're nuts, not at all. There are still moments during the day, in a split of a second where I think I'm going to get a text from him. I long for his hugs Sheila. Long for him to tell me I'm going to be alright. But as you said, he's never coming home. On good days, I tell myself I can do this, living a life on my own. My son is going to grow up and leave me to have his family, and I will have to carry on living a lonely life, which I hope is not going to be a very long journey.

I dread the Easter breaks and the bank holidays that are coming up soon, I dread the long beautiful summer days without him. I have decided to do a lot of volunteer work at a hospice to take my mind off myself and focus on others who need help. But that's not going to happen so soon, and in the meantime, I struggle to carry on.

Graeme's funeral was last week, a very beautiful and poignant one, it was  exactly how he wanted it. It took place just before the weather turned nasty. I hope the funeral for your husband will go well too. I find that whilst there are friends around me that offer plenty of help and support, it is not of much help really. However I find connecting with people here who have just recently been through bereavement like you and me helps. Even if I don't reply to many posts, reading about others' grieve make me feel that I am really not on my own. 

As a book I am reading now says, 'New Journey Now Begins'... for you and me.. and in each other's grief we shall find comfort in each other. I pray for God to give us strength for the new journey.

Love and hugs to you too

JeannieC xx

Re: Husband died yesterday

14 Mar 2018 14:32 in response to smt352

Dear smt353,

I know and feel your pain.  My husband died on 2/7/18 after a 3 month battle with prostate cancer. He was 54, and today would be his 55th birthday.  

He was a wonderful husband and father, and I had 28 beautiful years with him.

It's just been over a month, and I still look for his car to pull in the drive. In the morning, I long to see him sitting in his chair while we have coffee together. It's hard to think of a life without him.  He died with his family around him, and I heard and felt his last breath. I won't forget that was painful for me, because part of my soul left too.

You are right to say to enjoy every moment you have together, because sometimes we take that for granted. You had 44 years with a wonderful man, and for that, I am happy for you. 

So, now we go on, but I don't even pretend to know how. Step by step.  It's hard. 

Thanks for listening.




Re: Husband died yesterday

15 Mar 2018 17:21 in response to smt352

My deepest condolences on your loss. My mom has..shes terminal. I am so grateful for thwe opportunity to have some time to say goodbye. You give good advice.


Re: Husband died yesterday

15 Mar 2018 20:54 in response to smt352

Hi Sheila

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Hope the funeral went well.

Big hugs

Jeannie x

Re: Husband died yesterday

16 Mar 2018 03:08 in response to smt352

I’m so sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great man who made you and family members very happy and was surrounded by love. I wish you the best. Prayers to you and your family as you go through this grieving process.