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How to cope with multiple deaths ??

11 Sep 2021 17:30

Not sure we're to start but here goes

10 months ago I lost my mum to kidney cancer aged 54..I literally had 6 weeks from her being diagnosed till she passed..I was there till she took her last breath..I was slowly starting to get the images out my mind and got to the point were I was only crying 3 days a week rather than everyday all day..

2 months ago I lost my great nanna...aged 96 and it hurt alot but nothing compared to my mum.

2 weeks ago my nan (my mums mum ) told me her cancer had returned and was going in for an other operation.. she caught covid from the hospital at the pre op..and was rushed in a few days later and put on life support..4 days ago she passed away with me by her side...apparently she told the doctors she wanted the mask off and so they rang me and got me in..the mask was removed and she quickly went..but during this she shouted at my grandad...she was quite agitated and asked what was happening as couldn't broke my heart..I thought she new what was happening???? That she was going to die ?? That this was what she wanted??? Why did she ask this ??? Then she told me she loved me...then said she couldn't see...I calmed her down and gently stroked her and held her hand...5 minutes later she fell was the exact same time of day that my mum also fell asleep...

Now I can't get this out my mind...she was scared..but it was like I helped her die by agreeing to take her off the ventilator and I watched her struggle to get her breath...

Absolutely heartbroken..I no the cancer probably would of took over eventually but I didn't expect this so soon and fast...

How do I get over this 


How to cope with multiple deaths ??

11 Sep 2021 19:28 in response to Sassy85

Hi there...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... it's never easy loosing one, and it's like the heart can't heal before another loved one, goes ...

I lost my early 30s niece to cyctic fibrosis... then a cousin to lung cancer .. then my sister to dementure, then my uncle to Parkinson's.. then 2 to covid ... then lastly my 18 year old granddaughter to acute myeloid leukaemia just over a year ago ... all that was in about 14 months ... 

Sinse then I dread the phone ringing ... and felt l couldn't take any more ... the hardest bit was from my sister passing, only 10 allowed at her goodbye , so wasn't allowed in ... lucky we could have 30 for my amazing granddaughter... covid made last year doubly hard...

There's no easy way round, no quick grieving , each left a hole in my heart ... esp my granddaughter... but they would want us to go on ... we are all a part of each other ... one of my granddaughters fav songs was remember the good times ... by all time low ... so yea l have low days, but for them, we have to make every day count as no one knows if they have tomoz ... i had a grade 3 breast cancer in 2017, yet im still here .. some guilt and no logic ... 

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

How to cope with multiple deaths ??

11 Sep 2021 19:29 in response to Sassy85

I wrote this not for sympathy, but to let you know your not alone ...xx

How to cope with multiple deaths ??

11 Sep 2021 19:44 in response to Chriss

Omg how tragic..

Your right time for the heart to heal before something else..thanks for replying ...its just so difficult to even start healing again as I wonder who's next and I'm terrified..glad you made it through your breast   

Guess there is no real answer to any of this...but life is cruel 

Sending you strength and love 


How to cope with multiple deaths ??

14 Sep 2021 06:41 in response to Sassy85

Sending hugs to both if you. Really is such a hard thing to deal with.

I lost my mum to esophageal cancer 10 years ago! She was only 52! And I too what by her side when she passed. Although I can't get that memory out of my head,I'm glad I was there beside her with my brother and Sister. 

Every year we all try to get together to remember our mum. 

Times a good healer,and go at your own pace. Think about all the good times you had,and the memories you made together. 


How to cope with multiple deaths ??

14 Sep 2021 23:19 in response to Chriss

hey Chriss, I am so sorry for your loss but you seem to be coping well? I have lost a sister a brother and a Nephew all to Covid. Aye it hurt's i still can't take it in. As i could not go to any of their funerals as i am the yougest of 10 kids. Like you i am a cancer patient in remission. Please got i get the all clear next year. Chriss i am a RMN if you ever need to chat please message me. Take Good Care stay safe Will