Just wondered, for all those who have unfotunately already lost a very close loved one to cancer, how did your views and general feelings about life and death change after their passing?
For me, it has made me a bit paranoid about cancer. i am suddenly scared that me, my husband or god forbid my children will get cancer, and so i am hyper aware of people saying they feel unwell or any potential cancer symptoms. However, i am also realistic and i know that worrying only has a negative impact on life, so i try to keep my paranoia in check and enjoy every moment of every day. it has certainly made me realise that you never know what is around the corner!
On a practical note, it has also made me aware of what i would want for myself should the worst happen. My Dad's passing was quite horrid. He wanted to die at home, and we made it so, but when he made the request i dont think he anticipated the effect it would have on the family. I dont think he realised that i would be his carer, how much he would suffer and the indignity of it all. I do not want my children to care for me or my husband, so if it is ever a consideration, i want to stay in hospital or a hospice. i know there are down sides to that too, but i think i prefer those to the alternative. Also seeing your loved one get carried from the house in a body bag - that will haunt me forever, i hope loved ones are spared this in hospital.
Cancer is a horrific disease, and once it touches you it leaves a permanent mark. However, life is for living and there are so many people who live with horrible diseases which aren't terminal, and do it graciously, making the most of every minute, that it seems incredibly selfish to constantly throw yourself a pity party and not make the most of the life you are given. Easier said than done in many cases, but as long as you try then you are not failing. xx
Like Manicomio, the death of my Mum (and one or two others) has changed my views about the pros and cons of a home or a hospice death. Mum's wishes were for a home death, it was well organised and went as well as she could have hoped for but I'm not sure I would want my wife and son to go through the pain of caring for me and watching me deteriorate when my condition worsens as it will inevitably do.
On a higher level, which I suspect is where the question was pitched, my philosophy is unchanged. I've always believed that life is unfair and that good and bad things randomly happen to people whether they are good or bad. Cancer is no exception, otherwise why would innocent babies and children develop it?
As an atheist, I don't have the comfort of believing that life is part of a bigger plan and that things will be better (or wose) in the next life - my own brush with Death hasn't changed my long held views and beliefs one bit. All we can do is try our best and leave the World slightly better than it was when we were born.
Not really. I can't see how it could be much different to falling asleep or falling unconscious - as long as someone isn't frightened of dying (which I am not). :-)
Like many, I suspect, I had a "fear of dying" ... I suppose a fear of the unknown.
Having lost my Partner to cancer of the liver (Hepatic Carcinoma) which spread agressively and having spent hours with him every day following the shock diagnosis, I watched him deteriorate rapidly. On leaving hospital, he was transferred to a fantastic hospice where the level of care and management of pain can only be described as incredible, and where nothing was too much trouble for the doctors and nurses, I was with him at the end, holding his hand and stroking his forehead, and one of the nurses sat with us from the moment it was clear he was going to pass away. There was constant monitoring and management of his pain right up to the moment when he stopped breathing and I know that he passed away pain free and peacefully.
I no longer fear my own death, but equally I know that I would want to go as he did, with the loving care he received.
I also know that when my time comes, I do not want to go through some of the "treatments" that one reads about on these pages, with all the side effects that some patients go through, only to learn that the odds were against them from day one. Cancer is such an awful thing, which, with relatively few exceptions presently, usually wins. How often do we hear that "its back"?
I guess many would not agree with me, but it is my belief that that in a modern society where we do not put our pets through the suffering we put our loved ones through, when the doctors concerned know the inevitability that some treatments cannot achieve more than temporary remission and a little more time, and that the price to be paid for that little extra time is little better than cruelty, patients should have the right to determine for themselves whether they would wish to be put through all that suffering. What right has Parliament to impose upon us such suffering by not recognising that it is for us to make this ultimate decision and not theirs, I ask myself.
I would wish to have the right to make that decision for myself, for only we can determine the point in time when the benefit of "treatment" is outweighed by our wish to leave this life.
This, then, is how my experience of witnessing the suffering which my Partner went through has influenced my thinking. Witnessing my Partners suffering and deterioration has had a profound effect on my thinking and I know now that I want to be able to determine my own destiny, and not have that determined by politicians.
My husband died 2wks ago of secondary cancer... I can only express how agonising it was for him & myself (+ of course my family , close friends also ) The care he received at the Hospice was excellent , we can't fault it. Support and empathy was appropiate & comforting. Therefore my son and I are so grateful to the staff at the Hospice , including volunteers ( superb )
When he died I was devastated, but also relieved that his suffering had ended.
I personally would not wish to die of cancer , but we have no choice really .....
While to the best of my knowledge I do not have this miserable disease diagnosed. Though I surely know that I am one day closer to dying than I was yesterday. Death is what defines life. Makes it finite and in an overwhelming number of cases worth the trials and tribulations of it.
Personally I have had more experience with losing people than I would have liked to cancer, trivia such as accidents and events inbetween that are part of the journey.
I don't remember being born, don't think I will remember dying. Between the two I aim to have fun, and do as little damage as I can.
I would rather go quickly than have suffered. Hence personally I am exploring parties elsewhere who might be helpful in mitigating the risk. I have seen and been through the futility of it.
My .00000002 p in a Brexit world for what it's worth.
I want so badly to believe in a purpose after death and for a day in which I see my dad again, but alas, I can't.
The idea of the human conscious being something supernatural or "out of this world" does sit well with me because I can't explain how chemicals and atoms can create a thought pattern, but I've never read of a theory or religion that makes logical sense to me (no offence to the spiritual- I actually envy your devotion). What is the human mind made of to consciously make decisions and do we have a 'soul'?
Ultimately, and this may sound crazy, I think I believe time is circular as opposed to linear. Quite literally in the sense that "time is bound to repeat itself". This is something I've been looking into since witnessing his passing, and it makes sense to me. I may not exist in the next Earth but there will be one.
In regards to the extent of a human's "soul", I've no idea. I hope he watches over me, and I can see why people actively follow religions that preach it, but... eh. Ive been looking into religions and they don't sell it to me.
