Together we will beat cancer


He’s gone

8 Feb 2018 11:52

Two weeks ago my fiancé passed away after battling cancer for under a year, we got told lots of different things but it was never good news it was just one thing after another, on the 5th jan we got told it had spread to his brain and there was nothing else they could do they offered him radio therapy to reduce the swelling but not the tumour, my life was ripped away from me, then 2 weeks later he got took I to hospital because he was very weak he wouldn’t get out of bed and he couldn’t keep nothing down he was constantly throwing up turns out he had sepsis from an infection we was unaware of and they’re was nothing they could do, we was told it was a matter of days till his body shut down but it wasn’t even that it was hours, I sat with him when he took his final breath and I knew my life would never be the same, his battle is over and he is at peace but mine is just beginning he was only 24 no age at all, I never got to do all the things we wanted to do we never said I do or even start the family we dreamed of and now all of that has been taken away from me! 

His funeral isn’t for another three weeks so I haven’t been able to say goodbye properly yet he’s also being cremated so I feel like there’s no where I can go and sit with him I just feel so lost 

Re: He’s gone

8 Feb 2018 13:01 in response to Nicole123

A warm welcome to our forum, Nicole123 although I'm so sorry to hear about your fiance.

On behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat, I offer you our sincere condolences.

Thinking of you at this difficult time,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Re: He’s gone

8 Feb 2018 13:43 in response to Nicole123

Hello, Nicole123 and welcome.  You must be feeling devastated after what you have been through.  I expect you want to scream at fate, God, whoever that it should not be like this.

Regarding the funeral, cremation etc. I would suggest you create a special place for him, needn't be enormous, place memories of him there and use it as your quiet place when you just need to slip away from your saddened bereaved world for a little while.  I did this when my mum died, had a candle there and I wrote little messages and sent them up in the candle flame as though they would travel up to her.  May sound a bit silly now but it served its purpose of calming me.

You did everything you could for your fiance and I understand that you feel you are now facing a void where so much of what was good in your life has been ripped away,  Sadly there are no magic answers about grieving; eveyone has to do it in their own way in their own time.  So do what feels right for you.  Try not to think too far ahead, just take it one day at a time.  Please do continue to post here if that helps you at all.  You will have a sympathetic audience.  Annie xx

Re: He’s gone

8 Feb 2018 20:03 in response to Nicole123


Iv lost my husband very recently and wondering how your getting on? X

Re: He’s gone

9 Feb 2018 02:06 in response to Gemini23

I lost my wife 2 month ago My life  changed  forever then I must keep going forward that's she wanted me to doo Yesterday i finished up  the coffee table top that i have promissed to her. I walk our dog in our park i usully stop at the place were we usually stoped then asking her if I doing well ? I have plan's for the future such as build a library in our house for her memory. I visit her grave evry day twice. -I visited our GP to day he is a real doctor in by any means that  helps a lot.  You must take care of you self We lived in England in early 80 s we loved that old UK. Yesterday I looked our old British documents that was privilege live there. 

Re: He’s gone

12 Feb 2018 21:32 in response to Nicole123
Hi Nicole, I can’t believe what you’ve been through - all I can add is that I lost my dad a year ago and it was like a pain I could never have imagined, watching what he had to go through. For me, two things helped a little - I visited him in the funeral home two or three times and gave him a letter I’d written. It was weird that I was able to sit there with him but I have no regrets. I was able to ask them all the questions that you want to ask without feeling silly. I last visited him the night before his funeral and it helped me cope the next day as I’d seen the coffin already. The other thing was that I had 6 sessions with Cruse counselling. They were brilliant - very painful to look back at what happened but very very supportive and you have someone you can talk to who is neutral and knows what you’re going through. You just call them and they take it from there. Stay strong, it’s so hard but things will slowly improve although they will never be the same again xx