Cancer Research UK on Google+ Cancer Research UK on Facebook Cancer Research UK on Twitter
Donate

Let's beat cancer sooner

Has anyone mother been awful to them since their father died

4 Dec 2017 18:53

Hi all,

i need some help. My dad passed away on 31st october 2017. My parents were seperated for 6 years before my dad died. my dad would always ask her to come back home or to just visit. She visited him off and on over the last year of his life. I was his primary care giver. (my dad wasnt ill or anything until 22nd october when he was admitted to a&e). I took care of my father, especially in the last days of his life. I have begged my mother to come see him in the hospital, which she refused at first, but ahe eventually did visit him for 3 days out of the 7 that he was there. She didnt say long even though my father begged her to stay to wait for me on those 3 days. 

So since then my mother has been verbally abusive towards me. I mean seriously verbally abusive. Just over the weekend, a watch that he left for her, cant be repaired so she called me to tell me that my father will rot in hell (and she respeated this about 10 times). She even called my sister and tried to create problems between her and myself over my father's estate. I give my mother anything she has asked for concerning material items from the house, i tried to tell her that we need to be together now more than ever and ofc i listen to her when she calls me crying hysterically stating how she loves my father etc. -which is dialy

My question is, i know that anger is part of the grieving process, but i cannot accept that she has horrible things to say about my father, when i too, need to greive. Need some insight of anyone is out there. 

Re: Has anyone mother been awful to them since their father died

7 Dec 2017 09:30 in response to Jasinda1982

Hi Jasinda1982,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your father - it sounds like you're having a really tough time of it at the moment. 

Hopefully, someone with similar experiences will be along soon to share their story. In the meantime, I wanted to pass on the links to some information we have on our website about coping with grief.

You're absolutely right in saying that anger can be very much part of the grieving process - but not for everybody. It sounds like your mum is feeling her loss in a very different way to you at the moment, and you both need to grieve in your own ways. 

Please do take a look at Cruse - the bereavement care website. They offer free confidential support, and this can be by telephone, email or face-to-face.

I do hope this helps - feel free to keep posting here, too. We're here to listen.

With best wishes,

Helen
Cancer Chat moderator