Together we will beat cancer


Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 14:37

Hi all,

There are so many reasons to be sad or angry or even bitter during the "Festive season" and I don't know about you but sometimes I find all the joviality and excitement just plain annoying, especially when there is so much to be down about. Every other song on the radio is a Christmas song that either irritates me because it's so cheerful or it depresses me because it's so - well - depressing.  When I think about the BIG DAY itself I initially think how glad I am to be working for the first half of the day and then I worry how down and miserable I will feel when I spend the rest of the day with my wife and her family while trying to paint on a smile so that I don't spoil things for them.


I have a decent job.  I have a lovely new home.  I have an amazing wife who has given me so much support especially these last couple of years.  I am, according to my doctor, fit and healthy and having just passed my seventh anniversary for stopping smoking, I intend to stay that way.  I can guarantee that my Dad would't want me to mope around feeling sorry for myself and neither would any of the other people I loved but are no longer here, so I won't.  There are so many people worse off than I am, many of whom are on this site and there is actually a lot for me to be grateful and thankful for, not least of which are some wonderful people who I have met here.

So on that note can just wish everyone all the very best for the future and ---------

HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS!                                                                                                                 

You will all be in my thoughts over the next couple of weeks.


Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 14:54 in response to GARF


Thank you for this. I can understand what you wrote in the first part having lost your dad this year and have had other relatives also affected by cancer. I feel the same way as I lost my mother just after Christmas nearly seven years ago and although I enjoy Christmas especially having the grandchildren around, It is still not the same without her and a part of me still feels sadness she is not here to enjoy it with us.

But in the second part of your posting, you love for your wife shines though and I do really hope you have a great Christmas.

Take care, best wishes, Brian

Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 15:17 in response to GARF


Although I don'tthink we've 'talked' before on this site, I just wanted to say that this touched me, and thank you for posting this. I am sitting in the hospice waiting for my 42 year old husband to die of brain cancer, and will then be trying to still make Christmas fun for my 4 and 6 year old children. I too am finding it very hard to be festive - and I don't say that through wanting to trump your or other peoples' reasons for struggling to enjoy the season, not at all, I just mean it in a factual way - but you know what, I am very lucky to have two fantastic children and to have had 10 wonderful years with a lovely man who was not only my husband but my best friend. Some people aren't lucky enough to have that. And my husband would want me and them to still enjoy ourselves. So once he has decided it is time for him to let go, that is what we will be doing, albeit I suspect in a bittersweet way. So right back at you, I wish you and everyone else here on the site a wonderful Christmas.


Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 15:49 in response to VikkiG

Hi Vikki,

Thank you very much for your reply and I am terribly sorry to hear about the situation you and your family are in right now.  If my post has managed to help you even in the smallest way then I am glad.

Best wishes to you and your family.


Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 19:06 in response to GARF

You too Garf.  Lost my Dad to oesophageal cancer in June of this year.  Today I left him some christmas flowers and wrote on my card 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Beechams Pills are just the thing - Peace on Earth and Mercy mild, Two for an Adult and One for a Child' - it was a silly song (my Dad was very fond of these) we used to sing with him as children.  Although I am very sad he is gone, in another way I feel him around me all the time, and I am so glad that I have memories of these silly songs and other Christmas traditions - nobody can take these wonderful memories of my Dad away from me.


Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 19:35 in response to GARF

Hi Garf

Well said and you have lifted my spirits to another level. With a husband who has an incurable cancer who isbattling to live longer and a mother who wishes every day to leave this world I am hanging onto my sanity by remembering the main words of wisdom that my Dad (gone but not forgotten) said over four years ago.  You get one life, live it the best you can and remember that 'life is for the living' so this festive season WE ARE LIVING and loving those closest to us. I have 10 for Christmas Day meal (most I have ever cooked for heaven help them!!!) but we will all be together and it will be a joint effort. Another positive I HAVE TWO DAYS OFF WORK. Wishing all who read this  a safe and loving festive season.Those facing difficult times amongst us I wish PEACE. Jules54

Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 19:39 in response to VikkiG

Hello VikkiG

May peace be with you and your family during your husband's passing. Your posts have moved me beyond wordsand I am humbled by your dignity. Your dear husband will be so proud and your children have an amazing mother. Jules54

Re: Hard to be festive!

19 Dec 2012 19:44 in response to katielouie


I just read your "silly song" and my wife looked over at me wondering why I started laughing for no reason.  Enjoy your Christmas and keep those memories of your Dad close as I will of mine.


so glad I could lift your spirits a little.  Good luck with cooking for ten, (I don't envy you that) and enjoy your two days off.

Garf. x

Re: Hard to be festive!

20 Dec 2012 01:37 in response to GARF

Hey Garf,

I agreed with you in all parts: from "annoying spirit Christmas and siily song" to " all great things you have in your life!Indeed, you have more to thank than that to revolt. So I'm glad thad you saw that!

We feel so great when we stop lament ourself, isn't it?

On 19th december 2011 I was being hospitalized because supposedly would be operated on day 20 (after I was not because I was hypercalcemia): the day was horrible, my parents cried a lot, I cried a lot etc the room where I was hospitalized were 4  women ... the oldest lady was 66 years more than me! Of course she had no fault of my illness, but was 66 years more than me !!!!!... everyone on that room were more than double of my all life. So, I felt enem more anger

Today, a year later, I can be even worse (I do not know)!!! But my day was much better: today went and bought dresses, boots etc then  I complain about what? I'll be locked in the trauma of last year and not living this year? Because that's what was happening to me last week ... for what?

We really need to stop and think that the way you think! I think we can have a good Christmas, maybe even better than in other years and that of other people, because we value otherwise. I'll be happy for the simple fact of not being in the hospital!

Merry Christmas!!!! Love, Sofia

Ps: I loved the "smiles" you put on the text

Re: Hard to be festive!

24 Dec 2012 07:10 in response to jules54

Thanks you Jules54 that is very lovely of you and I appreciate it more than you know. Happy Christmas to you and yours too xxx

Re: Hard to be festive!

24 Dec 2012 17:26 in response to GARF


I feel the same at times, as they diagnose you & then tell you to go away, not to worry & have a nice Christmas!  WHAT?  When all I really want to do is cancel it & move on with my operation & treatment.

Wishing everyone a good Crimbo & a healthy 2013! 

Re: Hard to be festive!

24 Dec 2012 17:30 in response to VikkiG


You are one amazing lady!  I shall be thinking of you & your family thoughout the festive period.  It's people like you that give us all the strength to carry on. Take care xxx

Re: Hard to be festive!

25 Dec 2012 07:49 in response to BLANKET


I completely agree with your comment about Vikki,  the strength of character that many people have on this site is truly amazing.

Merry Christmas to you!!